College

Ellen’s POV

I stood awkwardly as Kiera talked to her friends. I didn’t know what I was doing here. I wasn’t a smart kid, I wasn’t the kind to have these legal conversations, it wasn’t my idea of fun. I decided not to go to university, but I had started a relationship with this woman who was. She was passionate about law and that was one of the things that attracted me to her. However at this moment, as I stood ignored by her while they debated an assignment, I felt out of place.

Kiera and I had been together for two years. She was in her last year of law and soon she would become a lawyer. Kiera and I were different. She was logical and had to see a logical point to everything, she couldn’t just let something be funny. There had to be a back story. She had to know every detail of something and it sucked the comedy out. I just liked to be funny. Kiera hated when I tried to be funny. She was to serious.

“I’m going to get a drink” I said, feeling awkward walking through the universities party. She nodded, not wanting to stop her legal conversation. I slowly slid through the people and walked to the place where all the alcohol was placed. I grabbed a beer and as I turned someone knocked right into me. She pulled back quickly and I was struck by the scared look in her wide grey eyes and for a moment I forgot how to breath. She was gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry, I tripped” She explained hurriedly.

“Hey it happens, I trip all the time.” I said then cursed myself at how stupid that sounded. She chuckled and that caused me to smile.

“Beer? I just opened it” I said offering the beer in my hand. She took it and smiled big.

“Thanks! What do you study?” She asked leaning against the table.

“Oh no, I don’t go to college, I work down at the JC Penny.. But I mean that’s just what I do to pay the bills. My love is comedy. I work at the Giggle Factory on sunday’s. I’m here with… A friend” I don’t know why I lied. I prided myself on being an honest person but she was so beautiful and she seemed so intrigued in every word I said.

“So you’re funny.” She said.

“Typically, but I seem to be drawing a blank of anything funny to say right now.” I said, looking at the floor.

“That’s okay. You can’t be funny all the time” She said, adding a small shrug at the end. “I’m in my first year of law” She explained. “So this is my first party and I feel terribly out of place.” She finished with a chuckle.

“Oh! My… My friend is in her last year of Law” I said. She smiled slightly at me and nodded. “I don’t really fit in here either. I’m not smart like all you guys” I said with a grin.

“I’m sure you are plenty smart. You have to be smart to be in comedy. It’s hard to make people laugh.” She said and as I stood observing her, I realized a faint accent.

“That’s sweet of you. Where are you from?” I asked then realized how rude that sounded. “I mean, cause I can hear a little bit of an accent.” I said, leaning against the table as well. She brought the beer up to her lips and took a small sip.

“Australia. I moved here hoping to get away from the oppressive grip of my family.” She said looking curiously at me. “What about you. Are you from here?” She asked, I watched her fingers absently pick at the label of her beer bottle and felt my mouth dry at the thoughts running through my mind. I noticed how long and elegant her fingers were and I imagined how they might feel inside me, I quickly shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts.

“Uh no, I’m from here. Born and raised here in New Orleans.” I said lamely. She nodded.

“It’s a beautiful city.” She said lightly.

“Do you miss being down under?” I asked in a terrible accent and her head shot back in laughter.

“That was a terrible accent. Hopefully that’s not in your routine?” She said and I couldn’t help but notice her step closer to me.

“No, that was off the top of my head. I know I’m a comedy genius.” I joked and her smile was breathtaking. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of pride in making that smile appear on her face.

“Just from that, now I have to go see you on Sunday” She said and I grinned.

“I’ll look out for you in the audience then. I go on at 10.” I said and I shrugged.

“Not that I don’t love your company, but won’t your friend be missing you?” She asked and tilted her head slightly. It was really disarming when she did this, almost as disarming as having her complete attention on me.

“I’m sure she hasn’t even noticed I left. Once she starts talking law, nothing else seems to exist to her.” I said shrugging again.

“I find it hard to believe someone wouldn’t notice your absence.” She said grinning at me.

“She doesn’t seem to notice my absence quite a bit” I said looking to the ground sadly.

“I have a feeling she’s a little bit more than a friend.” She said lightly. I couldn’t help but notice the slight sound of disappointment in her voice. This was my chance to come clean. I could tell her and then.. and then what? I would not get a chance at this beautiful girl who thought I was funny and who appreciated my words.

“No, Just a friend. I like a girl who can laugh at me.” I said lightly. She nodded then placed her beer on the table.

“Do you want to go get some air? Maybe you will be able to think of one of your jokes.” She said. I nodded quickly and followed her out of the hot and crowded room. Finding it hard to tear my eyes from her behind. Once the cool night air hit our faces I smiled as she fell into step beside me.

“Tell me about Australia.” I said lightly. She grinned as she thought of her homeland.

“It’s not all kangaroos and surfing so you know. It’s actually pretty similar. It’s really hot there I guess. The people are mostly friendly. It’s just an averege place.” She said and I nodded.

“I would love to visit one day. It sounds so beautiful there, I have to say though I’m a bit disappointed about the kangaroos.” I said and she chuckled.

“Most people here are” She said and turned a corner. Then stopped her eyes wide. “Jesus, I didn’t introduce myself, I’m so sorry.. I’m Portia De Rossi” She said offering me her hand. I slowly grinned.

“Portia, that’s a really beautiful name. I’m Ellen… Ellen Degeneres. Which I know sounds a lot like degenerate..” I said. I often said this when I introduced myself. I find if you take away the satisfaction of people saying it on their own, they tend not to say it. I took her hand and shook it firmly. Her hand was so soft.

“Why would anyone think of that?” She asked slightly tilting her head.

“You would be surprised.” I said flatly. She shook her head unamused. And I stared at our hands that still held on to eachother.

“People are terrible. I think it’s so stupid how we try to tear eachother down” She said softly and I grinned.

“Aren’t you becoming a lawyer? Isn’t that a part of your job?” I asked and she smiled at me.

“Ellen, there is so much more that a lawyer can do than defend criminals and belittle people.” She said. Something about the way she said my name made a shudder run up my spine. “Are you cold?” She asked quickly, releasing my hand and unzipping the blue sweater she wore and offering it to me quickly. It was the only cover up of the real reason that I could think of, so I put it on and let her scent fill my senses.

“Thank you.” I said lightly and she smiled at me. “Why are you going into law then?” I asked as we began walking again.

“Because I want to do all I can for equality. Activism I guess, I’m more effective with a law degree than I am with a loud voice.” She said .

“You truly are amazing Portia.” I said.

“Hey! There you are Porshe! Are you coming to the movie with us or not?” Shouted a brown haired man from a car. Portia looked apologetically to me.

“Hang on Mike” She said then turned back to me. “I’m so sorry, I made a promise I would go with my brother and his girlfriend to the movies. It was so nice meeting you though” She said quickly hugging me then rushing to the car.

“Hey Ellen! I’ll see you on Sunday” She called before sliding in the back seat of the car. I watched her disappear and couldn’t help but realize how excited I was for Sunday. I looked down and quickly remembered I was still wearing her sweater and I smiled. At least now I had an excuse to see her again. I began walking back home to Mama’s and I didn’t even try to hide the bounce in my step.

Ellen’s POV

Kiera stood before me fuming. She had come to my house this morning after mom had left for work. I stood awkwardly in my JC Penny uniform while she stood in my living room with a red face and her shoulders heaving up and down.

“How could you embarress me like that? Leaving me alone! How do you think that made me look?” She screamed.

“I don’t fit in there.. I felt awkward standing around not being able to join your conversations” I said weakly.

“Of course you don’t fit in there, its not your stupid comedy club. But I fit in there and I need you to atleast shut up and try to make me look good. First you tell your stupid jokes embaressing me then you just leave.” She yelled. I looked down and nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry” My voice was barely audiable.

“You’re always sorry. Just go to work Ellen. I have class” She said spinning on her heel and leaving me standing alone in my living room as she slammed the door. I jumped slightly at the noise then looked at the clock on the wall. Great I had fifteen minutes to get to work. I rushed out of my house and saw Kiera ripping out of the driveway. I grabbed my bike and started peddling as quickly as I could.

I was only ten minutes late. However that was still enough to piss off my manager who also spent quite some time yelling at me. Fianlly I was behind my cash register mindlessly passing peoples items through.

“Hey!” Someone’s excited voice startled me. I looked up and there she was. Looking as beautiful as the night before with her hair pulled up into a pony tail and her make up light and natural looking.

“Hey Portia. You… you forgot your sweater. It’s at my house” I said quickly looking at her and then realizing I should be passing her items through.

“That’s okay, just bring it with you on Sunday. I’ll pick it up from you then.” She said sweetly leaning on the counter. I was trying really hard not to blush as I started passing a few pairs of lacy underwear through.

“You’re really gonna go to that? Kiera tells me the lawyer type don’t like comedy to much” I said with a slight grin.

“Kiera? Kiera Anthony is your friend?” She asked shocked. I slowly nodded as I bagged her purchases and let my thumb lightly rub over the lace panties while I placed it in the bag. My mind was trying to push the image of her in them to the front of my mind but I was fighting it as best as I could.

“She’s… kinda known as the campus bully.” She said lightly.

“I could see that” I responded, before telling her the total. She began digging in her purse and I looked away feeling even more guilty about lying.

“I actually love stand up. Law is so serious it’s nice to just be able to laugh.” She said as she finally passed over the money. I turned to my cash and began counting then a small piece of paper fell into my cash. I picked it up and noticed neat writing. It said her name then a phone number. My heart stopped dead as I realized and I turned to look at her, but only caught a glimpse of her pony tail disappearing out of the door.

She had given me her phone number! But it was already written… So she was expecting to see me. I had told her I worked here. She came here to see me. I had only met her yesterday. Should I call her? What about Kiera… It’s harmless right? To just call a girl… But thats not all I wanted. I sighed and stuffed her number in my pocket and put the money in my cash.

*

After I biked home, Mama had supper waiting for me. I sat at the table with her and tried to ignore her eyes burning into me. I shovelled the food into my mouth and finally looked up to her.

“When are you going to go to college and focus on a future? Sweetheart, Comedy isn’t something that is going to eventually rake in a lot of money.” She said sweetly.

“Ma, It’s okay. I’ll be fine” I said lightly. She frowned and looked away.

“That girl called you.” She said bitterly and I sighed.

“She’s my girlfriend Ma.” I said even lighter than before.

“She’s not good for you El. You deserve better.” Mama said before placing her fork in her barely touched plate.

“Mama, I’m going…” I paused and looked at her sad face. “I’m confused Mama… I met someone amazing. She gave me her number today and she’s pretty and she thinks I’m funny. She’s coming to see my show Sunday… But I can’t just dump Kiera after two years for no good reason” I said lightly and Mama shot out of her chair coming around to hug me.

“You have a good reason El. You two don’t work. This new girl, where did you meet her?” Mama asked, a smile gracing her features.

“Kiera’s party. She’s in her first year of law. But they are so different. She’s kind and it’s hard to imagine her being a lawyer… She says shes doing it cause having a law degree will help her fight for equal rights.” I said and Mama’s face almost broke from that information.

“Maybe this girl will be good for you Ellen. I say take a chance.” Mama kissed my head than sat down picking up her fork. “Did you hear that the Packers seem to have a good shot for the super bowel this year?”

*

I stood beside the stage wearing her blue sweater and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t see her in the audience. I decided on doing my procrastination bit tonight. I figured she would find it funny, but now I don’t know what made me more nervous… having her in the audience or her not showing up at all. I hadn’t called her. I couldn’t think of anything to say to her.

The sweater had a faint smell of her and it was slightly comforting. Finally I heard my name and took a breath, channeling my illusion of confidence. I stood in the center of the stage and looked out at everyone. Scanning the crowd for her. I couldn’t see her and my heart shattered, but I didn’t have time to focus on that. I began my routine.

About ten minutes in I glanced down to the front row for the first time and I saw her right up close to the stage and my words faltered. She pulled on her sweater and then gave me a thumbs up. I started to turn red and grinned at her.

I looked away because there was no way I could complete my routine with her eyes on me like that. Once I was done I bowed then ran off stage. I saw her walking towards the door and she stopped and leaned against the door frame. I slowly walked over to her and her grinned stretched.

“You really are funny” She said as I got to her. She opened her arms and I tried to hide my eagerness to be in her arms. It was a quick hug and I hated that it had to end. I smiled at her as we pulled away.

“I try to be anyways” I said as I began unzipping the sweater.

“No, keep it. It’s chilly out and I’m assuming you didn’t bring another.” She said. I shook my head.

“Let me buy you a drink then” I said and she smiled.

“I would love one.” She responded. We walked over to the bar and then sat down. After I ordered a beer and sat down facing her she looked sadly at me.

“You never called..” She said lightly. She look hurt.

“I-” I froze and then sighed. “Can I be honest?” I asked and slowly she nodded. “I find it hard to think of anything good enough to call you to say” I said and she smiled.

“How about Hi?” She asked her smile genuine.

“Not exactly a conversation starter” I chuckled and she smiled and placed her hand on my knee. I could feel the heat from her palm through my jeans. Suddenly my mouth went dry.

“Don’t worry about it. Just let it come natural. People call people all the time without anything really interesting to say. In fact my mother does it all the time.” She said. Then I smiled.

“So you would rather I called and sit in silence then have to answer the phone and talk to your mother?” I teased and she chuckled.

“Percisely.” She said and took a sip of her beer.

“I feel so used.” I joked, following her lead and sipping my beer. Her hand was still resting on my knee and her thumb was rubbing slow circles as she began telling me stories of her childhood with her mother. I wondered if she even realized what she was doing.

We continued drinking and talking of our pasts and soon, my head was fuzzy and I was feeling more confident then I should have. The bar would be closing soon and I didn’t want this night to end.

“Do you want to come to my place?” I asked and she slowly tilted her head and raised her brow. It was incredibly sexy. “Not… Not like that, like to watch a movie or something. I just want a little more time with you.” I said and she smiled.

“Sure.” She replied and I paid our tab, only half upset about the amount of money I had spent on alcohol, but to be with her was worth it. I would just have to pick up more hours at work this week.

We walked outside and her arm wrapped easily around mine as she leaned against me. She laughed at the way we were walking since the alcohol was pumping through our blood.

“Ellen?” My heart stopped. No no no no… This couldn’t be happening. Portia turned first then smiled brightly at me. I slowly turned to face Kiera who looked livid.

“Hey it’s your friend!” Portia said excitedly and she hiccuped.

“Friend? Is this why you left the party early last night? You were running off with a freshman? Sorry De Rossi, She’s my girlfriend. In fact she has been my girlfriend for two years” Kiera’s voice was deadly and Portia’s arm slipped from mine. I missed her touch greatly and I didn’t dare turn my head, because I knew the look I would find there. Kiera turned her deadly gaze to me. “You didn’t return my calls, I came to pick you up cause I called and your mom said you were still out.” Her voice was threatening.

“Why did you lie to me?” Portia asked, her voice hurt.

“Oh step off slut” Kiera said reaching for my arm. I felt a rush of anger at her.

“Don’t talk to her that way. She didn’t do anything wrong.” I said pulling my arm away from her.

“Ellen your drunk, let me take you home.” Kiera growled.

“I’m walking home with-”

“No… I think I should just go home. See yah Ellen” She said sadly and began to walk away.

“Portia!” I shouted and tried to follow her but Kiera pulled me back.

“Let it go Ellen, get in the car.” She said. Her grip on my arm was painful and I helplessly watched Portia walk away, her arms crossed over her chest and her head dropped as if she was trying to battle off the cold. I don’t know why I got in the car. I should have told Kiera it was over and to go fuck herself but I didn’t… I got in the car and listened to her scream at me all the way back to my mothers.

Ellen POV

It had been two weeks since the night at the comedy club. I had been spending every free moment I had listening to Kiera freak out on me. She had another party and she had pretty much threatened me, saying if I didn't show up and play a good supportive, non-funny partner then she was done. She would walk away. Part of me wondered if that was what I wanted. I wanted Portia, but everytime I called, she hung up once she heard my voice.

I tightened the tie around my neck. I looked down my body before turning to Kiera who wore a beautiful red dress. I couldn't deny she was attractive. She had long brown hair and big green eyes. She had high cheekbones and a slim build. She was incredibly beautiful and the red dress dropped low enough to reveal quite a bit of clevage and I could easily tell she wasn't wearing a bra.

“Like what you see?” She asked with a sly grin. “Maybe if you do good tonight, I will actually let you touch me.” She said carelessly, turning to pick up her purse. That was another part of my punishment, no contact.

We arrived at the hall a half hour later and I took a deep breath. Kiera looked at me and put her best smile on her face. It was time to play a role. She offered me her arm and I escorted her into the building. This dinner party was for everyone taking law in the university. Portia would be here. Unless she avoided it knowing that I would show up with Kiera.

We walked to our assigned seats and I was looking around for Portia. I caught a glimpse of Kiera's face faltering as she stumbled over a step. I loved at what her eyes had landed on and my heart stopped. Staring back at me was those breathtaking grey eyes, sitting at the table across from our seats. It was almost like god was playing a cruel trick on me.

I pulled Kiera's seat out and she smiled brightly up at me and placed her hand on mine. It burned my skin and it took everything in me to not pull away. I sat next to her and slowly I glanced up to see Portia's eyes on me. The man who picked her up, the man I remember her calling her brother, sat next to her.

“Hey” I said lightly as Kiera very quickly got into a discussion with her friend who sat on the other side of her, her hand still not leaving my thigh. She forced a smile to her face and returned the greeting. I went to lean over the table to talk quietly to her but Kiera's tight grip on my thigh and the quick glare she shot me, made me sit back up normally.

Portia shook her head and looked towards the front of the room, taking a deep breath. My heart pounded quickly as I watched her tounge snake out to wet her lips before she looked back into my direction. Her face looking more composed.

“How have you been Ellen?” She asked in a passive tone. It wounded me to not have her full attention and that sweet note in her voice. I looked at Kiera who leaned to kiss my cheek then peck my lips before turning her attention to Portia.

“We have been great” She said in an overly sweet voice. It sent a shudder down my spine as I couldn't take my mind off Portia. As composed as she was on the outside, I saw the flash of sadness behind her eyes.

“That's great I'm-” She paused to take a deep breath “I'm really happy for you two. Please excuse me,” She said as she quickly shot up and began walking to the bathroom. I watched her body retreating.

“Ellen” Kiera growled low, right beside my ear. It was a warning. I thought of what Mama said, I thought of my feelings right now, my heart was pulling me towards the bathroom, my rational mind was telling me to keep still and play along with Kiera. She was secure, she was comfortable she was... Not Portia.

“I can't do this anymore Kiera, I'm sorry, this isn't what I want anymore.” I said quickly standing and stepping away from her. Kiera's mouth fell.

“Don't do this Ellen” Kiera's tone was deadly. “You will really regret this.” She warned. I looked over to Michael, I could see the resemblence and his mouth stretched into a slow grin as he looked at the bathroom.

“I'm sorry.” I said and turned on my heel. I rushed to the bathroom, I tried to pull the door open but it was locked and I could hear sniffling. I knocked quickly.

“Occupied” She called out.

“Portia, It's Ellen, open the door” I called with a grin. This is what I needed. Slowly the door opened and I squeezed in and reached out for her. Soon she would be in my arms and none of this would- Portia had stepped away from my touch.

“I told her, I couldn't-” I began to explain.

“Ellen, you lied to me about her! Then you show up here with her, and.... and we barely know eachother” She interupted.

“I know it's crazy, I just, I felt a pull towards you since I met you and-”

“You lied to me and you are asking me to trust you? I can't Ellen. I can't do this. You should go apologize to Kiera and patch up your relationship before it's to late.” Portia said. I took a deep breath as she tried to open the door enough to squeeze through but my back prevented her from escaping. I looked at her face, she wasn't looking at me. I could easily go back and grovel for Kiera's forgiveness, but I couldn't. I felt a pull to Portia, Kiera was just comfortable, Portia was happiness. I grabbed Portia's arm and pulled her body against me.

“I can't go back out there and ask for her back, because I don't want her. I've wanted you and I didn't understand and it's incredibly scary to feel such an immediate draw to someone. I've imagined every night since I met you, what those lips would feel like on mine, how your body would feel curled up against mine, and I intend to find out, if you will allow me. I've messed up so many good things in my life but I can't mess this up. There's something amazing about you Portia and if you don't believe a word I just said, maybe this will prove it to you” And with that I closed my lips over hers. Her throat closed over a small gasp. It took her a few moments but soon she was kissing me back, her hand coming to the back of my head and her body pushing against mine.

My body was reacted the second our lips touched. I wasn't prepared for the shock that went through my body. I was completely hers, and I couldn't control anything in my body. Her body pushed me back against the door as our kiss turned feverish.

She pulled back gasping for air and her eyes locked on mine, one hand still tangled in my hair and the other resting on my hip. Her eyes looked scared and confused.

“Do you still doubt my honesty?” I asked lightly. My heart was pounding in my throat and I felt like I couldn't get a good breath no matter how hard I tried. Slowly the uncertaintly left her eyes and her mouth stretched into a small, sexy grin.

“If I say no will you do that again?” She whispered.

“Sweet heart I'll do that as long as you want me to” I answered with a grin.

“After that, that's a very dangerous offer to make. I might not ever want you to stop” She whispered, her lips brushing against mine with her words. I pecked her lips, not being able to resist using my tongue to lightly lick her lips.

“This is all happening really fast” She whispered, her body still pushed against mine. “What happened to courtship?” She asked, I could tell she was teasing, but I still took a step back and kissed the back of her hand.

“Tell me... are you interested in me?” I asked and she slowly grinned.

“Yes Ellen.” Her voice was low.

“Then, I will escort you back to your table, or your car if you would prefer to leave. Then I will go home and I will take you for lunch tomorrow. I will meet you outside of your school.” I said, in my most gentleman like tone.

“Like a date?” She asked sweetly. I nodded. She pulled me in for another breathtaking kiss. “Thats the last one for now. Do you need a ride home? I don't want to stay here.” She said

“I can walk.” I said lightly, her hand was stroking my side lovingly and unlike the earlier burn of Kiera's touch, it was comforting and I longed for more, but I would take this slow for her.

“Don't be silly. Let me give you a ride. Then tomorrow, lunch” She said. Slowly we stepped back from the door. I could feel every ones eyes on us as we walked through the hall and Michael was already waiting by the door. He nodded lightly as Portia quickly whispered to him. He handed her the keys and she took my hand leading me to her car.

Once I opened her door at the drivers side, she kissed me quickly before sitting and smiling up at me as I shut her door. I rushed around to the passenger side and got into the car. Her hand came to rest on my thigh while she drove and my body reacted to the simple motion.

Her thumb absently drew small circles. My hips arched slightly against my will. Portia smiled as she glanced at me. I blushed slightly at my lack of control of my own body.

“Sorry, I'm trying really hard to take this slow, but it seems my body has other ideas.” I mumbled and she chuckled.

“Believe me sweetheart, I'm fighting the same battle.” She responded. I instructed her how to get to my house and once she pulled up outside, I could see my Mama hiding behind the blinds peaking out at us.

“My Mama's watching. She actually was ecstatic that I liked someone other than Kiera. So, she's gonna keep staring to give me tips when I get in the house” I said looking at her hand still resting on my thigh.

“Hm, well... maybe you should kiss me one more time.” Portia said softly.

“I really want to, but I don't trust myself to stop.” I whispered. Before I could even think of what was happening she was on top of me and her mouth landed hungrily on mine. My hips thrusting up against her and her long low groan. Her tongue invading my mouth and her hands tangling in my hair. Our hips moving in the same rhythm now.

“Oh god El,” She whimpered against my lips. She kissed me softly, our hips still moving quickly against each other.

“We should stop” I whispered, not slowing my movements at all, as her lips claimed mine again.

“We really should.” She said, before claiming my lips again and her hips speeding up against me. Her fingers tightened in my hair and her hips thrust forward then stopped dead as my hips rose against her, we were both frozen, pushed against each other, her loud moan filled the air as our bodies shuddered against each other.

“Oh god,” She groaned, her face hiding in the crook of my neck. “I can't believe we just did that. We suck at taking thing slow” She chuckled.

“I know.” I said, breathing in her hair and stroking her back lightly.

“Oh my god!” She shouted quickly, pulling away from me. “Whats your mother going to think of me?” She hissed pulling herself off me.

“That you have impeccible taste in women” I responded and she laughed swatting me playfully.

“You need to go, before I can't stop myself anymore” She said kissing my lips lightly. I nodded and kissed her as I slowly exited the car, Portia's lips following mine, until I was crouching outside the door still kissing her.

“Bye” I whispered after we broke the kiss. She grinned and let her eyes rake over me.

“See you tomorrow” She whispered before sitting back into her seat as I shut the passenger side door. I watched her pull away before turning and waving at my mother who gave me a thumbs up through the window. I shook my head as I made my way to the door.

Ellen's POV

I ran down the stairs in my JC Penny uniform. Mama looked up shocked then looked up at the clock. I was never ready this early. Most of the time I would still be asleep. I had an hour and a half before I had to be at work.

“Mama, do you want pancakes?” I asked in a sing-song voice as I took out the mix. Mama smiled brightly as she touched my shoulder lightly.

“You are very cheerful for the early morning. I would love some darling” Mama said kissing my cheek then sitting at the table as I went about making the breakfast. “This girl, she seems to be something special? She must be to have you up before seven in the morning.” Mama said and I grinned. I turned with the mixing bowl in my hand.

“She makes me want to try.” I said to my mother.

“She seems very nice.” Mama said and I slowly raised my eyebrow.

“Did you get that from spying on us last night?” I asked and Mama's smile grew.

“No, I got a whole different view from that. She seems to have trouble keeping her hands off you.”

“Look at me, can you blame her?” I asked with a wink and Mama chuckled.

“Your father called for you last night. He wants you to do to dinner with his..” Mama trailed off and placed her hand over her mouth. I dropped the bowl on the counter and touched her shoulder.

“Hey, don't worry Mama.” I said kissing her head, as she nodded trying to hold her tears at bay. “I can't anyway, I'm this hot stud now, all the ladies want me” I teased and Mama began chuckling again. I went back to breakfast.

“Tell me about her El” Mama's voice was light and pleading for a distraction. I smiled as I began to drop the mix into the pan. I thought of Portia. Her velvety smooth lips, the way her hair fell, her bright smile, her grey eyes, the way her hips had moved roughly over mine, or the way her moan filled my ears as both our bodies shuddered in the small confines of her car.

“She's smart Mama, she's smart and real sweet. Her name is Portia.” I told her. She smiled as I placed our pancakes on a plate on the table. I sat across from her and shovelled the food onto my plate. As I poured a huge amount of syrup onto my plate I looked up to see my moms disapproving look.

“Obviously she hasn't seen how you feed yourself yet.” Mama said lightly. I stabbed the sticky mess in my plate and shoved as much as I could fit into my mouth.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice muffled by the food in my mouth. Mama started laughing again.

*

I finished putting the products on the shelf and looked at my watch, I would have to go to meet Portia soon. It would take me about twenty minutes to bike there. I was just finishing breaking down the last box when I felt small hands resting on my stomach as someone's body pressed against my back.

“Hey cutie” She said lightly. I grinned as I turned to hug her.

“What are you doing here? I was gonna meet you at your school” I said taking all the boxes and placing them in my cart. Portia shrugged.

“I figured, you don't drive right? I mean I'm asssuming since I've only ever seen you get rides or bike places.” She grinned and I nodded. “So I figured, I'd save you the bike ride.” She finished lightly.

“Let me throw this stuff in the back and-” I began

“Ellen, I've been trying to call you and your brother, why you two don't answer your bloody phones is beyond me.” It was my father. I could tell before I turned to face him, because the panic set in. Portia was standing there and I was crazy about her and my father would be disgusted when he saw that. I finally turned and faced him and it hit me in the gut. My father was standing there with a little blond girl in a dress. His new family. His perfect little girl. A little girl that would wear a dress.

“I've been busy” I said lightly, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

“Working in a department store and hanging around a comedy club? Have you got yourself a Boyfriend yet?” His emphasis on the word boyfriend made me cringe. He had kicked me out of his house when I came out to him and it still stung.

“No, but I am seeing someone” I said lightly and his eyes slid to Portia. I felt my shoulder's square at the look he was giving her, the way his eyes slid over her body, as if looking for some kind of clue to her sexuality. His eyes landed back on me and raised his eyebrow. I slowly nodded and he laughed. He honestly laughed at me.

“Well if you can tame yourself for a few hours, Tammy would like to have you and Vance over for dinner.” My dad said.

“I would rather eat dinner with Mama” I said, still feeling the sting in my chest. I took my cart and walked around him, taking Portia's hand to pull her along with me. “I'm sorry about that.” I said lightly. Portia pushed the cart into the back and then took my hand leading me to her car, once she had me sat in the car she kissed me. It wasn't a strong kiss, it wasn't needy or rough. It was soft and understanding.

“Don't be.” She whispered. She was squatting outside of her car, my hand clenched in hers. She kissed my cheek. “Let's go get some food.” She said sweetly. I missed the touch of her hand the second she let go. Once she got in the driver seat her hand fell immediately to my thigh again. I grinned, I couldn't help but feel incredibly happy with her beside me.

We pulled up outside a small diner. Portia and I held hands and slowly entered the diner. The jukebox was playing a twangy country song and a few rugged looking men sat at the counter drinking from white coffee cups. Portia and I sat at a booth and I glanced around quickly to see how many people's eyes were watching us. People only glanced quickly and then turned their attention back to where it had been before.

“This is kinda nice. It feel old timey and comfortable” Portia said as she grinned at me. I smiled back and reached for her hand over the table, our fingers tangled around each other. A waitress in a light blue plaid dress with an apron tied around her waist, approached us. Her brown curly hair looked dead as it was held up above her head with a clip and her makeup was terribly done. Her smile was obviously fake and her voice sounded like she had been chain smoking for over thirty years.

“Do you girls need a menu?” The waitress asked. I shook my head no and looked to Portia who shook her head no as well. The waitress took out her note pad and looked expectantly at me.

“Club sandwich with fries and gravy.” I said and Portia smiled and got the same thing. As we waited for our food, we talked about childhood memories. Portia would laugh easily and touch my arm gently while she threw her head back.

“Your really close to your mother huh?” Portia asked as the waitress set our plates in front of us.

“Thank you” I said making eye contact with the waitress who nodded. I looked back to Portia. “Yeah, my Mama has always stood behind me you know. When I came out to her she didn't understand, but she went to all these meetings to learn more and she would come home and tell me that she loved me and she would get better. As if she was sick or something and after a while, it was the most normal thing in the world for her. Since dad left, she's been having a really rough time with that. I just try to make her laugh. It's really all I can do.” I said lightly and Portia's hand fell over fine again and her thumb caressed the skin there.

“She seems like an amazing lady. She would have to be to raise an amazing daughter like you.” Portia said. I blushed and shrugged lightly.

“She thinks that you are going to judge me because of the way I eat.” I said maintaining eye contact as I stuffed the corner of the sandwhich into my mouth and bit off as much as would fit. Portia's grin slowly stretched into a full blown smile as she leaned over the table to use her finger to wipe some mayo off the side of my mouth.

“I think it's cute” She said sticking her finger in her mouth to lick the mayo off. I swallowed the food in my mouth with a huge gulp. It hurt going down my throat, but I was staring into those grey eyes that were burning with a mischievous glow. My heart started pounding in my chest and I suddenly felt like there wasn't enough air. She winked at me and took a much more reasonable bite of her sandwich. I tried to convince myself to break eye contact with her. I couldn't seem to make myself though.

“Ellen...” She whispered as she set her sandwich down. I don't know if it was impossible for her to look anywhere else to, but the way she said my name sent that shiver up my spine again.

“Come to dinner tonight... Meet my mom.” I said, trying to think of anything other then my body reactions.

“I would love to” She whispered.

Ellen's POV

I looked around my room, which was normally not this sparkling clean. I looked for anything that might be considered out of place. Nothing was and my bed was perfectly made. I took the clothes I had laid out and quickly showered. Mama was going to meet Portia, and I prayed to god she would love her. It's hard being with someone your mama doesn't approve of, when your mother means as much to you as my mother meant to me.

Once I finished putting on my dress pants and button up shirt, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were brighter than I had seen them in a while, the dark rings around my eyes vanished, and my face showed the happiness I felt. I walked out into the kitchen where Mama was just shutting the oven door, after she had checked on our meal. She turned to me and gasped.

“Oh, Ellen, you are so handsome.” She gushed, rushing over to fix the collar of my shirt. I grinned at her as she tried to tame my gelled hair.

“Mama, it's supposed to be up like that.” I chuckled. The pout that crossed her face was obviously fake, and she couldn't hold it there for long as her smile stretched. The phone rang and for a moment, I panicked thinking it was Portia calling to cancel. I lifted the receiver to my ear and greeted the person on the other line.

“Ellen, you will come here, and pretend to be a daughter I can be proud of” My father growled. I sighed as I looked to the ground and waited for the pain of his words to pass.

“Dad, my girlfriend is coming for supper to meet Mama, I can't go. But enjoy pretending you have the perfect family. I'm sure Vance will be there.” I said. Mama looked at me sadly and touched my arm, before walking out of the room to give me some privacy.

“Vance, atleast he is doing something right. He met a girl you know. She makes him very happy.” My father informed me.

“I met a girl too dad.” my voice was very low as I sat on the chair and rested my head on my hand.

“You should meet a boy Ellen. You should grow out your hair and you could have any pick of the men around these parts. You can be a very pretty girl. You don't need to settle for this lifestyle.” My father scolded.

“I could meet a boy daddy, I know I could. But I don't like boys. I'm not settling, this is who I am.” I pleaded with him.

“Bullshit Ellen. It's a choice. That beautiful girl I saw you with, it's only a matter of time before she realizes, that the asshole who hurt her in the past, to make her want to be... one of those... isn't what all men are like.” My father countered. I sighed as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

“Daddy, I'm not sick, I'm not making a choice. Daddy, I really am gay. Daddy, I just want you to love me, the real me.” I cried softly.

“I do love you Ellen. If you would go back to being my little girl. Get a dress for god sakes. Get a boyfriend. You will see how much being out of that lifestyle will change this downward spiral you have been in.” My father pleaded with me.

“Daddy, please.” I pleaded and he scoffed.

“Ellen, call me when your ready to admit the truth.” He scolded before hanging up. I stood and rushed to the living room for comfort from my mother and was incredibly embaressed to see Portia sitting on our couch with my mother sitting across from her. They both looked up at me and I tried to hide my face behind my hands. I felt two small, yet strong hands pull on my wrist exposing my face. I looked into those grey eyes that have been holding me captive. I wondered how she had got in front of me so quickly and quietly.

“Don't hide from me Ellen. Please never hide from me.” She whispered pulling me tightly to her chest and craddling me. Her fingers running lightly over my back as I sobbed.

“I'm going to check on the dinner” Mama said lightly stopping to kiss my wet cheek before continuing into the kitchen.

“your mother told me about your father a bit, after she told me he was on the phone.” Portia said lightly, pulling me back to look into my eyes. “There is not a damn thing wrong with you.” She finished and kissed me with that same soft, understanding kiss as earlier today.

“I just want him to love me, I want him to accept me and see I'm still his little girl. I just... I just don't want to marry a man. I fall in love with women.” I cried and Portia's face scrunched into a pained look. She was really feeling every ounce of pain in me, I could tell because I could see it reflected in her eyes. She kissed my nose and held me tightly against her again.

“If he really never comes around darling, it's his loss okay?” She whispered and I nodded, trying to compose myself. I laughed as I looked around the room.

“Gosh This is not how I pictured you meeting my mom.” I chuckled. Portia smiled brightly.

“I love your mom. She's so sweet darling. Lets have a nice dinner okay?” She asked lightly, before kissing me again. I nodded. She intertwined our fingers as we walked into the kitchen. Mama smiled as she stepped forward and cupped my cheeks looking into my eyes.

“I love you Ellen Lee Degeneres. There is nothing wrong with you” Mama said, her voice strong and her hands pushed on my cheeks.

“I love you to Mama.” I whispered. She smiled and looked back at the table.

“Now, set the table and lets eat” She said. I nodded and quickly went about the task.

High School

Ellen’s POV

I closed my locker quickly so no one would see the new bikini model I posted inside it. If anyone asked I would say I liked the bikini. I couldn’t risk being gay. High school could eat you alive for that kind of thing. I looked across the hall and I saw Portia. Her long blonde hair tossed over her shoulder as she chatted with the quaterback of our high school football team. Her eyes landed on me for a second and I saw the small grin that stretched her face.

Portia was my girlfriend. I had lucked out really. She was beautiful and popular. I was lame and hung out at comedy clubs. She really thought I was funny, but it would ruin her social image if we were friends at school. So I followed the rule of acting like we’ve never actually met. Jason, the football player who Portia was talking to, noticed me standing with my books pressed against my chest staring at Portia.

“Hey Porshe, Ellen degenerete is staring at you” Jason shouted. It’s funny how someone can stick with the same insult since primary school. Portia turned and her grey eyes met mine and my heart stuttered. She looked quickly back to Jason and shrugged. “Becareful, rumor is shes a total dyke” He laughed and Portia shot me a sympathetic look before touching Jason’s arm and dragging him away.

I quickly turned on my heel and rushed to class. When I sat down and opened my book, I panicked. Portia had this class and I didn’t want to face her while I was so close to tears. I felt a soft hand squeeze my shoulder.

“I love you, come to my house tonight” Portia whispered quickly before walking to the back to join the rest of her popular friends. I found it funny that at high school Portia was completely different. She was flirty and focused on her looks and social status, at home she was shy and insecure and sweet. She would kiss me so softly and her hands would rest gently on my stomach when we cuddled to watch a movie.

“Ellen Degeneres!” The teacher shouted snapping me out of my thoughts. I raised my hand and I felt a ball of paper hit the back of my head and I sighed. I hated high school the best part was seeing Portia in class or across the hall or getting a quick whispered message from her. This would be the last time I saw her until I went to her house.

I followed her into her bedroom and as soon as she shut the door she turned to me and captured my lips in a searing kiss. My hands grasped at her waist and I grinned at her when we broke apart.

“I missed that” I whispered.

“I can’t keep doing this” She whispered and my heart stopped. “I hate this, I hate watching them try to ridicule you and all the mean things they say about you. I love you. I love you so much and I want everyone to know. I don’t want to hide! Ellen, I want to hold your hand to class and kiss you quick before we have to part.” Portia was beginning to cry.

“No, Porshe. It’s suicide. What they do to me would be worse to you if you came out.” I held on to her and she shook her head against me.

“I don’t care El! I love you. Thats all that matters, everything else doesn’t matter. I don’t care if they say terrible things to me, I have your love and thats all I need” Portia whispered and I walked us to her bed to cover her lips with mine.

“Not yet okay? Just lets think everything through.” I whispered and she nodded, reaching for my lips again. Soon she was below me and we were both completely naked. Her fingers lightly stroking my back as her lips gently rested on mine. I smiled as her fingers slid to my sides and I wiggled slightly from being tickled. She bit my bottom lip and chuckled at my pout.

“I love you Portia De Rossi” I whispered to her and her eyes burned into mine.

“I love you Ellen Degeneres” She whispered back before kissing me, this time roughly. Her lips showing her intent. She was done with our cute cuddling and now she wanted me. She pushed her hand between us and soon she was rubbing against my clit and I bit her shoulder.

“Porshe… oh god.. yes” I chanted as she worked her magic on me. Soon I was building up and I could feel it burn then just as I was about to fall over the edge.

“Portia! Are you home?” Portia’s mom called up the stairs. Portia quickly pushed away from me and my body screamed in protest. She wrapped herself in her house coat and pushed me into her closet.

“Hey mom” She said quickly as I heard her moms foot steps enter her room.

“What are you doing Porshe?” Her mom asked curiously.

“Oh! Uh just getting ready for a shower. Gym was hard today.” Portia said. I could hear the panic in her voice.

“Hm, Josh’s mom called… She said that Josh was concerned that the lesbian in the school had a crush on you.” Her mom said.

“Mom-” Portia began.

“I will not have a daughter of mine being closed minded, do you hear me? If that nice girl has feelings for you, then you politely tell her your not interested, but you will under no circumstances make her feel bad about herself. It makes me sick what I hear from Betty at the salon.” Her mom continued.

“Mom, I’m in love with her” Portia blurted out quickly as if she did it before she could lose her nerve. There was a brief pause.

“How long?” Her mom asked lightly.

“My whole life, I mean I just realized-”

“Not how long have you been gay, how long have you two been together?” Her mom asked exasperated.

“A few months” Portia’s voice was low.

“Jesus Portia!” Her mom stomped to the door. “How will this make us look? You’ve been dating the girl for a few months and we haven’t invited her family to dinner! We will look like we don’t care about your partners. You will get on the phone with her immediately and plan a dinner with her family for this weekend. Do you hear me?” Her mom ranted and I could just imagine the grin stretching on Portia’s face.

“Yes mom. Right away” Portia said.

“I love you Portia, no matter what. There is nothing wrong with you. Love is love. Now go take your shower.” Soon Portia’s mom was gone and Portia flew into the closet landing on me and kissing all over my face.

“So, Dinner this weekend?” She asked.

“Dinner this weekend.” I repeated with a wink.  

Ellen’s POV

I stood outside Portia’s house in my suit. Mama held my hand tightly. She was nervous for me. She’s been so upset about all the kids teasing me at school. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Portia was the one to answer the door. She looked beautiful, she wore a thin white dress that stopped just above her knees. I had to remind myself to breath.

“Hello, I’m Betty. Ellen’s mom” My mom offered Portia her hand. I watched Portia struggle to tear her eyes away from me to smile at my mother and shake her hand. She invited us in and I slowly shuffled in. I stood with my head down until I felt a light touch on my arm. I looked up to see Portia smiling at me.

“Are you going to hug me?” She whispered and I looked around. Our parent’s could easily turn their heads and see us. My mom was chatting with hers, their hands flying around lost in the latest news. Before I could answer Portia had pulled me into her arms. My body instantly relaxed against her familliar touch.

“It’s okay” She whispered into my ear and I nodded lightly. I don’t know why I was so nervous. I had been in the room when her mom demanded her to make this dinner. I guess I just felt once they met me they would realize what everyone at school knew. I wasn’t good enough. Especially for their daughter.

Once we pulled apart, Portia led me into the kitchen to shake her mother’s hand. Her mother handed me a soda and then asked us if we wanted to set the table. I nodded slowly, following Portia to set the table.

Soon we were all sitting around the table, Portia sitting across from me, and our mother’s to the right side of us. She would look up at me and smile lightly as she wrapped the spaghetti around her fork. Her foot would sometimes graze up my leg and I felt my heart in my throat every time.

“So Ellen, I hear you are in the comedy club” Margaret said and I swallowed quickly, feeling my throat scream in protest at the huge portion I forced down the small space. I nodded slowly. “When did you start doing comedy?” Margaret continued. Portia offered me a small grin in support. Mama nudged me when it took me to long to answer.

“Uh, When Mama and Dad got divorced, I started trying to be funny… So Mama would stop crying.” I explained, staring at my plate.

“Oh Ellen, that’s very sweet” Margaret said excitedly.

“Yeah, and shes really funny mom” Portia bragged, a huge smile stretching her face. I blushed slightly from the attention. Portia reached her hand across the table and reluctantly I took it, not looking up to see the reactions of our mothers. I was to lost in those grey eyes.

“Aren’t they sweet?” Mama gushed and Margaret agreed happily. I blushed slightly as I could feel them watching us and Portia’s smile grew.

The rest of the night went by fairly uneventful, our mothers talked as Portia and I curled up on the couch to watch TV. When Portia and her mother walked us out, we both froze just outside her door. Our hands still locked together. Portia leaned in and before I could think to much about it I pecked her lips. She smiled and used her free hand to brush my face.

“I love you” She whispered and I grinned at her, for a moment I forgot our mothers were watching us.

“I love you too” I said pulling her into my arms for a hug.

*

I grimaced as Jason pushed me back into my locker. His football friends all chuckled. My books were scattered around my feet and I tried really hard not to cry. I didn’t want to give them that.

“Jason Stop!” Portia’s voice was high, as she pushed herself through the crowd of cheerleaders and jocks. Her cheerleading friends all smiled at her.

“It’s okay Portia, it’s just that lesbian freak.” One of the girls shouted. Portia stood infront of me, her eyes burning into mine and her chest heaving with her struggle to get to me. I wanted to run from the scene but her grey eyes held me in place. I could barely think.

“Are you okay?” She asked lightly. I nodded slowly.

“Portia! What are you doing!” The girl shouted again, a look of pure disgust crossing her cheer friend’s faces. She leaned down and helped gather my books. I stood against the locker, watching her friends looks of confusion and anger. Once she handed me my books she turned to her friends.

“Leave her alone. Okay?” She demanded and they all laughed.

“Oh come on Porshe, it’s all good. Just for fun.” Jason said, reaching out to pull Portia against him, but she took a step back.

“No, It’s not fun. It’s horrible and mean. She’s a human being. I’m a human being.” Portia countered.

“Yes, you are a human being and you aren’t a stupid dyke.” Jason said, a look of confusion crossing his face.

“Actually I’ve been dating Ellen for a while.” Portia said as she grabbed my hand. My heart stopped beating. How could she do this? Risk everything for me. I ripped my hands from hers.

“What are you talking about. It isn’t funny.” I said my voice cracking. Portia’s face looked hurt. I couldn’t let her lose everything. Her friends started laughing as if they had caught onto some kind of joke Portia was pulling.

“Man for a second I believed you Porshe!” Jason howled with laughter.

“Ellen…” Portia’s voice was soft. I shook my head and pushed away from their loud laughter. I rushed down the hall and once I was out of sight I sunk to the ground. I had hurt Portia. But it was worth it right? That second of pain I caused her, it’s nothing compared to her going through this every day. I couldn’t allow them to do this to her.

*

Gym was my least favourite class. I had it with most of the cheer team, not including Portia, and Jason and a few of his football friends. I stood in the back corner waiting for instruction. Trying despretely to stay out of the way. I saw Jason and Portia walk into the gym. Portia often walked Jason to class, but instead of stopping at the door, she continued in. Jason looked confused as he followed her assuming she was going to talk to her cheer friends. She did stop at them for a second and I felt the pang in my chest as I watched her.

She glanced over at me and I stopped breathing. She still looked hurt and She turned back to her friends, saying something before they all looked at me. Slowly they approached me and surrounded me, staring at me with menacing looks. I figured since I rejected Portia, this was her way of getting even and I would rather it this way. I would rather Portia hate me and tear me down then have to be on this side of it. I stood straighter as she stood infront of me. Her eyes locking on mine.

“Get her Portia” Jason’s voice was full of joy at this. Portia’s hand shot out and grabbed a fist full of my hair. I closed my eyes as I waited for her to decide which direction to drag me. Soon I was being pulled forward and I wasn’t sure where she was planning on leading me too. The benches were behind me, surely It would be easier just to bounce me off that a few times then- Her lips were warm against mine and I instinctively kissed her back. The sweet taste of her tongue entering my mouth. I moaned into the kiss as her other hand pushed against my lower back, pulling me closer to her.

Once the kiss broke and I opened my eyes, looking right into hers, I realized what we just did and how achingly close we were standing. Then I noticed the dead silence of the room. Portia had brought them here under a different pretense to prove to them who she was and how she felt about me. Suddenly my world became about protecting her from what I went through and when I opened my mouth she stopped me by kissing me quickly.

“I told you Ellen. I don’t want to hide us anymore.” She told me lightly. I leaned close to her ear so no one else could hear me.

“I don’t want you to feel this pain Porshe”

“I can’t feel anything but love when I have you by my side.” She stated, wrapping her arms around me and looking around at the people who had been her friends for so long. Her body felt strong and prepared for whatever they had to throw at her, but slowly and silently, they backed away.

“I can’t believe she’s a fucking dyke, She’s to hot to be” Jason mumbled to one of his friends and Portia kept her grip on me.

“Let’s ditch, I wanna buy us lunch” Portia whispered grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the gym.

Ellen’s POV

I sat alone in my room, looking at my comedy routine. I tapped my pencil on the desk and glanced at the time… 11:30 pm. Mama would kill me to know I was still up. Portia had called around supper and I had spoke briefly to her before rushing to work on this. I still didn’t have enough material to cover my stage time tomorrow and I was stressed out about it.

I heard a ping from somewhere in my room and I slowly turned, only half expecting a murderer had snuck into my room. It was completely empty and I concluded that that was the dumbest thought I had. I went to turn back to my paper when I heard another ping. I quickly stood up and grabbed the baseball bat I used sometimes to chase Vance out of my room. I slowly walked to my window and looked out.

Portia stood on my law shooting pebbles at my window. I threw the bat on my bed and opened the window, leaning out.

“What are you doing?” I said as loudly as I dared.

“I could hear you were stressed out, I just wanted to come take your mind off of it for a bit.” She said. I grinned at her and motioned her to wait a minute. I shut my window and queitly tip-toed to the front door. I slowly opened it and ran to her. Her arms wrapping around my waist as I kissed her.

“Come upstairs? Maybe you could be my inspiration and I’ll actually be able to think of something.” I said and she grinned, kissing my nose.

“I would love to hear what you got” She said sweetly. I grabbed her hand and quietly led her up to my room, once the door was shut I turned to her, suddenly feeling nervous. She looked around until her eyes landed on my paper. I quickly picked it up and stared at it.

“Do you really want to hear it?” I whispered.

“Yeah” She whispered back. I nodded and quickly looked down. I recited my phone call to god routine and she placed her hand over her mouth trying to cover her giggles knowing we couldn’t be to loud, I smiled, knowing she was enjoying it. Next was my procrastination gig and about half way through it, I was interupted by her lips.

“I can’t El, I’m going to wake up your mother” She whispered. I nodded slightly putting the paper on my desk and turning back to her and leading her to sit on my bed. She easily slid into my arms and rested her head on my shoulder.

“I still can’t believe you threw away being popular..” I said lightly, stroking her hair.

“Ellen, I really don’t think you understand what you mean to me.” She sighed, nuzzling closer to me.

“I do, but we still could have been like this, but at school… It’s hell Porshe” I whispered. I felt her pull away and I looked to the floor not wanting to face her. “I mean, I always acted like it was nothing, but it hurts a lot and I don’t want you to have to feel this.” I finished barely above a whisper. I felt her hands on my shoulders as she pushed me down and straddled my legs, leaning down, her face hovering over mine.

“Sweetheart, I have felt it. I felt every word they said to you. I cried every night, feeling that pain with you. It’s not going to be any different if they put my name in the insult of yours, it’s going to hurt me the same. It doesn’t matter though, being with you like this, listening to how funny and brilliant you are, feeling your body on mine, your arms wrapped tightly around me, everything about you and being with you, is so perfect, that nothing they say or do to me can make me regret any moment of it. I’m completely in love with you and if they are to close minded to see how much I love you then thats their problem. I’m happy with you and I will go through all the insults, all they have to throw at me, just to be able to be in your arms.” Portia explained. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as she lighly kissed my lips and I deepened the kiss. I needed to show her all I felt about her.

Her hands slipped under my shirt and rested on my stomach. Her tongue swirled around mine, in my mouth and I moaned into the kiss. Her nails dug into my stomach at the noise and her hips slowly thrusted over me.

“Portia” I breathed trying to catch my breath once I broke the kiss. “This is real, I can feel it. Like everyone says we’re teenagers, we don’t know what love is. I do know what love is. This is love, I really love you and I’m not just being a stupid teenager. You make me feel like I’m worth something. You make me feel so loved. I… I don’t know if I could ever find the words to tell you how I feel about you” I whispered and she kissed my nose.

“I feel it when you look at me, or when you touch me. I feel all this love from you and it’s truly overwhelming, but I love you so completely. I couldn’t imagine living without you now that I found this with you” She said sweetly. Her hands travelling furthur up my shirt. I smiled as her hands closed over my breasts.

“You’ll never have to” I whispered back. My hands resting on her thighs. She let out a gust of air at my words then kissed me hard, our bodies now more urgant. Her hips moving quickly over me. I pushed up on her shirt asking for permission and she quickly ripped it over her head, only breaking the kiss for a second.

Before I knew it, we were naked and our bodies were moving against eachother in perfect rhythm. Her fingers deep inside of me and mine deep in her. Our breath mixing together, as we panted from the pleasure coursing through our bodies.

“I love you Ellen Degeneres” She whispered against my lips and it was all it took to send me over the edge, her body tightening around my fingers at the same moment. Soon we were clinging to each other as I cried softly at the emotions running through me. She held me tightly and ran her fingers through my hair, whispering over and over how much she loved me slowly soothing all the pain from the hurtful words and bullying. I clung to her like a life line with my face buried in her neck.

“Portia, you’re my everything” I whispered. Not even thinking of all we would have to face at school in the morning.

Betty’s POV

I looked at the time and realized how late Ellen was getting up today. I knew she was scared to go in and I debated letting her stay home from school. She was already teased badly. I wished there was something I could do for my little girl. She had been through so much and she stayed so strong. She always knew how to put a smile on my face when ever everything was to overwhelming. I just didn’t know what to do. I walked to the kitchen counter and poured her a bowel of ceral. I couldn’t let her hide from this, but I also couldn’t let her go through it alone. She needed to know I stood behind her.

I slowly walked up to her room and placed my ear on the door to see if she was up and moving around. I heard nothing so I slowly opened the door. I was surprised at first to see not my daughter but the young lady my daughter was seeing, then as my eyes darted to the other side, my daughter holding Portia tightly. They both seemed perfectly at piece together. I knew I should be angry that my teenage daughter and her young lover were seemingly naked under the covers with an unauthorized sleep over, but how could I be? This young girl seemed to be the strength that I couldn’t give my daughter right now. And what better way to prove my acceptance.

“Girls you need to get up or you’ll be late” I called and Ellen and Portia’s eyes snapped open both displaying fear.

“Mama! We-” Ellen began to explain in a paniced tone, I couldn’t help but smile as I shook my head at them.

“It’s fine baby girl. You two get ready, I’ll have your breakfast waiting for you.” I said before exiting the room. I smiled at their rushed whisperes, probably thinking this was some kind of trap. I felt proud of myself, because this would surely make me the cool mom.

I have to say, when Ellen first started looking at women, when she still hadn’t really come out to me. I was upset. What had I done so wrong that my daughter turned to women? I blamed my husband for not being the type of male romodel that would make my daughter want a husband. Then behind Ellen’s back, I went to a meeting of other parents and the stories broke my heart. There was nothing wrong with Ellen. She just loved woman.

I needed her to know I thought that, but I figured just bringing it up would be an awkward situtation for both of us. I had only seen Portia a few times, but she seemed like a great girl and she really made my Ellen happy. Who could ask for anything better?

Vance rushed down the stairs and stopped dead in front of me with a look of mischief on his face.

“El’s girlfriend slept over” Vance blurted.

“I know and you will be nice to her you understand?” I scolded and his face dropped. He didn’t manage to get his little sister in trouble and it was terribly disappointing to him. Vance was a good brother, aside from the normal sibiling rivalry. He defended Ellen often, not that Ellen knew of that. I had been called to the school countless times because Vance, who was head of the drama department, had been in a fight with one of Ellen’s many bullies. He would plead with me not to tell Ellen. He didn’t want her to know that he actually cared and really did love her. So I never did.

My husband leaving could have been so much more painful if it wasn’t for my two angels. They both loved so deeply. Vance was more secretive about it but Ellen wore it on her sleeve.

Ellen and Portia slowly entered the kitchen, I had placed their bowels of cereal on the table. Ellen wore a face of caution. Afraid that if she moved to quickly or in the wrong way, everything would blow up around her. Portia was directly behind her with the same scared look on her face. Their hands linked tightly together and I smiled at them.

“Come on now girls, hurry up your going to be late” I said, as they sat at the table. Ellen spooned a few mouthfuls into her mouth, where Portia would take smaller and slower bites.

“Mama, she didn’t mean to sleep over-” Ellen started again.

“Ellen it’s fine, although I’m sure your mom doesn’t know your out and maybe you should give her a call to make sure shes not worried. Actually you two don’t have much time, I’ll call Margaret.” I said and they both slowly nodded. I figured Margaret would be mad and I should explain to her my thoughts on this. In fact Margaret and I should sit down. I don’t know where she’s at in this process of acceptance.

Ellen’s POV

Once we walked out of my house, I breathed a sigh of relief. Had we really gotten away with sleeping together? Was there really no reprocussions? Portia grabbed my hand and pulled me close to her, she then wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek a few times. I glanced at our window and saw Mama standing there with the phone pressed to her ear and a smile stretching on her face. She really did want me to be happy, even if it was with a woman.

I turned my head to kiss Portia and her lips were so soft. Her eyes sparkled as we pulled away. I wasn’t so scared to go to school now. Their words would hurt, sure… but Portia would still be in my arms after all that and Mama would still love me as much as always and still be okay with our relationship.

We walked all the way to her locker hand in hand. People’s heads turned and a few people snickered. Portia didn’t show any sign that she noticed, but I did. I noticed all the obscene gestures the guys made to my girlfriend and all the noises and words that their hushed voices made. She pulled out a few of her books then shut the door turning and while I was looking around and not expecting it, she pecked my lips and using her one arm pulled me into a tight hug.

“Ignore them baby. It doesn’t matter. Remember that, all that matters is my love for you and yours for me okay?” She whispered in my ear and I nodded slightly. Once she released me and we walked hand in hand to my locker then to her class, it struck me how much we were like any other couple.

As we stood outside her class, talking and clinging to eachother and watching the clock slowly ticking down, closing the moments we had together. Dreading the moment we would have to say goodbye.

“Portia say your goodbyes and Ms. Degeneres, get to class” Her teacher called from inside the class room and slowly shook his head. Portia grinned at me and kissed my lips lightly.

“Try to stay positive baby, I’ll see you after class okay?” She asked and I nodded.

“Can I kiss you again?” I asked lightly. She grinned and pulled me roughly to her lips.

“You never have to ask baby” She said with a wink before kissing my nose and turning to walk into her class, pausing to look back and wave before finding her seat. I let out a huge breath and turned to walk to my class. I felt like I was floating, it all seemed to dream like. Portia was completely mine and she didn’t mind telling the world.

Just when I thought nothing could bring me down, I felt a strong shoulder collide hard against me pushing me hard back against the lockers and I fell to the ground. I looked up and Jason was towering over me. He grabbed my shirt and easily lifted me back to my feet.

“You can stop spreading your fucking disease to Porshe. She’s a good girl. She’s to hot to be one of you. You better break it off with her, before I break you dyke” His voice was cold and his eyes deadly. I couldn’t speak, I was terrified and I couldn’t move because his fist was still clenched in my shirt. “Do you fucking hear me?” He shouted, pushing me back against the locker and knocking all the air out of my lungs. His fist still wrapped in my shirt and pushing hard against the center of my chest. Brave, I had to be brave.

“I’ll stay with her as long as she wants me” I said, my voice was weak and showed no confidence at all. I had to continue… “I love her, and if loving her is going to make you hurt me, then do it. Just get it over with cause nothing you or anyone else says is going to make me stop loving her.” I shouted. Jason’s eyes flashed something that wasn’t angry, for a second then he lowered me to the ground and took a step back. I watched him intently, waiting for a clue he was about to strike but it never came.

“Get outta here dyke” He said but there was no force to the words, no attempt to crush me. Jason looked lost, and scared and he stepped towards me, trying to be threatening. “Get outta here dyke!” He shouted at me, but his voice cracked and I looked around the halls, we were alone. I reached out and hugged him. It was all I knew to do. He seemed broken.

“You’re a fucking dyke, you dyke, you’re a disgusting…faggot” His voice became so soft at the last word. I held him, only half seeing the comedy of his huge, football toned body whimpering against my much tiner body.

“It’s okay” I whispered and he pushed away from me.

“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this Degeneres” He said with only half a growl in his voice and his massive hands swiped at his face. I was shocked by the use of my actual last name and I smiled at him.

“I would never dream of it.” I slowly turned to pick up my books and he picked up the last two handing them to me. We stood and looked at each other a few moments before he turned to walk away and I felt a massive shift in the social ladder. I let out a huge breath then ran to class.

Portia's POV

When I met Ellen after class, she seemed quiet and to herself. It confused and scared me. She was thinking to much and I could only imagine it wasn't good. I knew this was going to be hard. It was a lot less harder on me then her, since well most of these people who teased her relentlessly through the years had been my friends. Apparently my popularity had spared me what she had to endure. I hated that, I hated that I was some how better because what? Because I didn't have short hair and because I didn't wear traditional male clothing? Well fuck them, I think Ellen's hair is perfect the way it is, styled messily, and I think she looks sexy as hell in a suit or even just a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. In fact it probably wasn't anything she was wearing that made her sexy.. it was just her.

I grabbed onto her hand as we walked to my locker. She looked up and smiled at me. It wasn't a forced smile, it was real. This only served to fuel my curiosity. What had Ellen acting so damn strange. She kept her eyes ahead of us and suddenly she stepped infront of me blocking my way. I walked right into her and she quickly kissed me. My eye brows furrowed together.

“Why don't you put your books in my locker?” She asked. There was a pain in her voice.

“Why? My locker is right behind...” It hit me. There was something on my locker she was breaking my view of. I tried to look around her but her body moved with my line of vision, which only confirmed my suspicion. “Ellen, let me see. I can take it.” I said low. She shook her head softly, her eyes showing so much sorrow.

“I don't want you to have to” She whispered. I reached out and grabbed her shoulders.

“I have you. Thats all I care about” I said lightly. She nodded and took a deep breath, clearly feeling pain for me, as she took a step side ways and I looked up, it felt like a truck running over my heart. Red paint marked up my locker and in very rushed writing it said 'DYKE'. I took a few minutes to absorb it. Not a single emotion I was feeling was allowed to grace my face. Not only because I didn't want Ellen to be more wounded for me, but also because I didn't want them to win. If they were somewhere right now watching me, I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing my pain. I could feel Ellen's eyes burning on me. I slowly opened my binder, taking out a black permant marker, I walked up to my locker. I drew a simple heart beside the word.

“What are you doing?” Ellen asked lightly as she followed me.

“That's what I am. Just because they use a different word trying to scare me into submission doesn't make it less true. I love you. I'm gay. And they can call it anything they want. If they want to call me a faggot, carpet mucher, dyke, anything, I won't deny it, because It's true. I wont let them scare me with a word they spit out in hate. This” I said pointing to my locker. “This is me. I'm a dyke. So what? I'm not ashamed. I'm proud that I get to be with someone I love. I will fullheartedly embrace this and every other word they can come up with that really just means I'm gay. They can't hurt me with my sexuality, because my sexuality got me the most amazing girlfriend and no word they could ever come up with will take that away.” I finished. Ellen stared at me in amazement. Then suddenly she pulled me against her, in a show of confidence she hadn't displayed before, she locked our lips together and my arms wrapped around her neck. She leaned against me and our tongues battled as she leaned me back against the same locker that proudly sported the simple word that they used to define us. And at that moment, we were both damn proud of it.

Ellen's POV

I tapped my pen on my notebook repeatidly as I looked up at the time for what felt like the millionth time. It seemed the closer it got to the end of the day the slower the clock went. I sighed and looked back down at my notebook. A 500 word essay due in three days, that should be easy enough. I hated this stupid Shakespeare book, but I could easily write an essay on the tragic end of Romeo and Juliet. I still couldn't understand how this was the most popular Shakespeare writing. I mean Hamlet was better for godsakes.

I looked up at the clock again and growled slightly. This was the longest five minutes of my entire life. I wondered if Portia was watching the clock as intensly as I was. Knowing her though she was probably sitting there with her nose practically up to her notebook, lost in thought with her work. Portia had a much better attention span then I did.

I looked over my shoulder at Jason sitting in the back. He looked up and once his eyes met with mine he quickly looked down at his paper again. I wished there was a way I could discreetly reach out to him. I had a feeling I knew what his quick break down was about but there wasn't much I could do without talking to him. I sighed as I looked back to the clock.

Finally the bell rang and I shot out of my seat, scooping my books up. I ran out of the class and almost ran right into Portia in the hall. She smiled as she leaned in and kissed me lightly.

“How was class?” She asked sweetly. I glanced as people rushed past us only taking a second to look quickly.

“Long, I felt like it would never end.” I said, taking the books from her hands and placing them on top of my own. She smiled and playfully stroked my hair.

“Maybe if you focused on the work in front of you time would go by quicker.” she said with a grin.

“Maybe if I could get you out of my head for five minutes I could do that.” I shot back and her grin stretched into a fullblown smile. She took my hand and began to pull me down the hall way to her locker.

“I think you're exaggerating how much you think about me.” She said and i scoffed. If only she knew. She seemed to be pretty much the only thing I could think of. I leaned up against the locker beside hers and handed her books to her one by one as she stuffed them into her book bag.

“Fucking dykes” Someone shouted in passing. I was getting better at not flinching and Portia didn't even show any signs that she noticed. She looked up at me and smiled slightly. I returned her smile and offered her my hand to help her up. She shut her locker than turned to me and kissed me, it wasn't soft but it wasn't rough either. It was just on the line of what is a socially acceptable kiss in public and what isn't.

“Your locker?” She asked as she broke the kiss. I nodded, since I didn't trust my voice. We walked hand in hand to my locker. Once we got close I saw Jason standing against my locker. Portia stood up straighter as she noticed him.

“Degeneres, I wanna talk with you.” His eyes slid over to Portia with a mean look. “Alone.” He finished.

“Fuck no, I'm not leaving you alone with my girl-” Portia began

“It's fine Portia. I got this.” I interupted. She looked hurt for a second and then worried. But I nodded at her to try to offer some kind of reassurance. I kissed her cheek and followed Jason around the corner until we were alone, since everyone else was in such a rush to get home.

“Listen, I saw you looking at me in class and I wanted to tell you to forget about the other day okay? And I'll leave you alone.” Jason said standing defiantly, trying to be intimadating.

“I'm not going to tell anyone Jason. I'm just worried about you. Maybe if you talked about whatever caused that it would help.” I responded. Jason looked confused.

“Why the hell would you be worried about me? I do everything in my power to make your life terrible.”

“You're a human being Jason, that's why.” I responded and he looked to the ground thoughtful.

“How do you do that? How do you care about people who hurt you? How do you stand proud with Portia even if people are throwing hate at you? How do you stay so positive?” He asked, his eyes never looking up from the ground.

“Because she loves me, and I love her. There is nothing in the world that is more powerful that love. That keeps me positive. I care about people no matter what because there is so much hate in the world already and I feel like I need to stay away from that, it's toxic and the world needs more love.” I explained and Jason looked up sadly at me.

“I loved someone once.” He said barely above a whisper. I nodded slowly. And he looked away from me again. “Then my dad caught us and he almost killed him.” He finished sadly. “He was screaming all the normal things like 'you fucking faggot' and 'no son of mine is going to be a cocksucker' I haven't seen David since that night. He wouldn't answer my calls or anything and I guess I can't blame him.” He explained.

“I'm so sorry Jason, thats terrible.” I said sadly, placing a hand on his massive shoulder. He didn't shrug it off but I felt him flinch from the contact.

“Then I started hanging around Portia. I knew all my football buddies would joke about me being a fag if I didn't have some kind of girl in my life and Porshe seemed like the perfect candidate. The boys only teased me about not being able to get in her pants, my father was happy that there was a girl and I was cured from my disease. But I never stopped thinking about David.” Jason said and took a deep breath.

“Jay... I didn't know, I'm so sorry.” Portia's voice was so low behind me. Jason's head snapped up and I quickly turned around. “I'm sorry, I was worried about you El and I just came to check up on you. Jason, I could be your cover for your dad... I can't do much for here... Everyone knows about El and I..” Portia said and Jason grinned a little bit.

“Yeah thanks.” His voice was much softer than I ever heard it. I stepped closer to Portia and took her hand.

“Are you going to be okay Jason?” I asked truly concerned about his wellbeing. He shrugged and looked away.

“Jason, I know even admitting to yourself can be the hardest thing. Everyone always wants to feel normal, but it is nearly impossible to feel normal with that secret. And no one will let you feel normal if you ever came out. It's a hard thing to accept, but high school is really just a few short years in our lives that only feel like forever. One day we will look back at these days and forget all this pain and confusion, the people we see everyday now, will then only be blurry faces in our memory, we will struggle to remember names and moments and none of this will matter. The true challenge in high school is only surviving it.” I said. Jason stared at the floor as I recited my monolouge. Portia's lips lightly touched the side of my head and she smiled at me.

“You are not alone Jay, you have us.” Portia said and walked over to envelope the massive football players body in her arms. Her hand rubbed lightly between his shoulders. She pulled back and gripping his shoulders tightly she shook him lightly staring intensely at him. “and there is nothing wrong with you, do you understand.” She demanded in her most authorative voice, which cracked a smile on Jason's face.

“Yes ma'am” He responded lightly.

*

There is something emensily beautiful about the way a book can attract all of Portia's attention. As we sat up in my room, with me attempting to focus on my essay and Portia reading the new book she had spotted in the library, all I could focus on was the way her eyes slid over the well crafted lines in the book, the way her tongue idly poked out of her lips every once in a while and the way her finger twirled in her silky hair.

“Shouldn't your eyes be focussed on your essay?” She asked, not even breaking focus on her book.

“How do you know they aren't” I responded with a grin.

“Cause I can feel them on me.” She shot back, trying to hide her own smile.

“You are much easier on the eyes.” I came back and with a slight hair flip her attention was on me.

“But staring at me isn't going to get you a grade.” she said.

“I'm willing to take the risk.” I said, getting up and sliding up next to her on my bed. She smiled as she snuggled into my side. My arm around her shoulders protectively. I kissed her head as she opened the book again. “Good book?” I asked.

“Amazing book.” She corrected. I smiled as I looked at my ceiling, taking in all the feelings of Portia. The way her body heat felt on my side, the way her chest rose and fell with each sweet breath, the way her hair tickled my neck, the way her smell comforted every cell in my body, the way her free hand idly drew small circles on my stomach and the way that made my heart pound hard in my chest. Portia had this almost super power over me.

“Ellen Lee Degeneres! You better be done your homework if you are just laying around doing nothing!” Mama shouted as she walked by my open door. Portia hid her face in my neck as she chuckled and I pouted.

“I don't wanna do my essay.” I mumbled.

“Get to it.” Portia said pushing her finger into my side. I groaned, truthfully I just didn't want to leave Portia's side. Her body just felt to good pressed against mine.

“You write my essay for me, I'll pay you in sexual favors.” I attempted.

“Oh honey, you don't bribe someone with something they are going to get anyway.” Portia said, as if talking to a confused child. I smiled lightly.

“Who says your getting any anyway?” I shot back. Her hand grabbed the top of my thigh and I groaned tilting my head back at the close proximity of her hand to my crotch.

“The fact that you can't say no to me.” She whispered.

“You got me there.” I admitted.