College

Ellen’s POV

I stood awkwardly as Kiera talked to her friends. I didn’t know what I was doing here. I wasn’t a smart kid, I wasn’t the kind to have these legal conversations, it wasn’t my idea of fun. I decided not to go to university, but I had started a relationship with this woman who was. She was passionate about law and that was one of the things that attracted me to her. However at this moment, as I stood ignored by her while they debated an assignment, I felt out of place.

Kiera and I had been together for two years. She was in her last year of law and soon she would become a lawyer. Kiera and I were different. She was logical and had to see a logical point to everything, she couldn’t just let something be funny. There had to be a back story. She had to know every detail of something and it sucked the comedy out. I just liked to be funny. Kiera hated when I tried to be funny. She was to serious.

“I’m going to get a drink” I said, feeling awkward walking through the universities party. She nodded, not wanting to stop her legal conversation. I slowly slid through the people and walked to the place where all the alcohol was placed. I grabbed a beer and as I turned someone knocked right into me. She pulled back quickly and I was struck by the scared look in her wide grey eyes and for a moment I forgot how to breath. She was gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry, I tripped” She explained hurriedly.

“Hey it happens, I trip all the time.” I said then cursed myself at how stupid that sounded. She chuckled and that caused me to smile.

“Beer? I just opened it” I said offering the beer in my hand. She took it and smiled big.

“Thanks! What do you study?” She asked leaning against the table.

“Oh no, I don’t go to college, I work down at the JC Penny.. But I mean that’s just what I do to pay the bills. My love is comedy. I work at the Giggle Factory on sunday’s. I’m here with… A friend” I don’t know why I lied. I prided myself on being an honest person but she was so beautiful and she seemed so intrigued in every word I said.

“So you’re funny.” She said.

“Typically, but I seem to be drawing a blank of anything funny to say right now.” I said, looking at the floor.

“That’s okay. You can’t be funny all the time” She said, adding a small shrug at the end. “I’m in my first year of law” She explained. “So this is my first party and I feel terribly out of place.” She finished with a chuckle.

“Oh! My… My friend is in her last year of Law” I said. She smiled slightly at me and nodded. “I don’t really fit in here either. I’m not smart like all you guys” I said with a grin.

“I’m sure you are plenty smart. You have to be smart to be in comedy. It’s hard to make people laugh.” She said and as I stood observing her, I realized a faint accent.

“That’s sweet of you. Where are you from?” I asked then realized how rude that sounded. “I mean, cause I can hear a little bit of an accent.” I said, leaning against the table as well. She brought the beer up to her lips and took a small sip.

“Australia. I moved here hoping to get away from the oppressive grip of my family.” She said looking curiously at me. “What about you. Are you from here?” She asked, I watched her fingers absently pick at the label of her beer bottle and felt my mouth dry at the thoughts running through my mind. I noticed how long and elegant her fingers were and I imagined how they might feel inside me, I quickly shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts.

“Uh no, I’m from here. Born and raised here in New Orleans.” I said lamely. She nodded.

“It’s a beautiful city.” She said lightly.

“Do you miss being down under?” I asked in a terrible accent and her head shot back in laughter.

“That was a terrible accent. Hopefully that’s not in your routine?” She said and I couldn’t help but notice her step closer to me.

“No, that was off the top of my head. I know I’m a comedy genius.” I joked and her smile was breathtaking. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of pride in making that smile appear on her face.

“Just from that, now I have to go see you on Sunday” She said and I grinned.

“I’ll look out for you in the audience then. I go on at 10.” I said and I shrugged.

“Not that I don’t love your company, but won’t your friend be missing you?” She asked and tilted her head slightly. It was really disarming when she did this, almost as disarming as having her complete attention on me.

“I’m sure she hasn’t even noticed I left. Once she starts talking law, nothing else seems to exist to her.” I said shrugging again.

“I find it hard to believe someone wouldn’t notice your absence.” She said grinning at me.

“She doesn’t seem to notice my absence quite a bit” I said looking to the ground sadly.

“I have a feeling she’s a little bit more than a friend.” She said lightly. I couldn’t help but notice the slight sound of disappointment in her voice. This was my chance to come clean. I could tell her and then.. and then what? I would not get a chance at this beautiful girl who thought I was funny and who appreciated my words.

“No, Just a friend. I like a girl who can laugh at me.” I said lightly. She nodded then placed her beer on the table.

“Do you want to go get some air? Maybe you will be able to think of one of your jokes.” She said. I nodded quickly and followed her out of the hot and crowded room. Finding it hard to tear my eyes from her behind. Once the cool night air hit our faces I smiled as she fell into step beside me.

“Tell me about Australia.” I said lightly. She grinned as she thought of her homeland.

“It’s not all kangaroos and surfing so you know. It’s actually pretty similar. It’s really hot there I guess. The people are mostly friendly. It’s just an averege place.” She said and I nodded.

“I would love to visit one day. It sounds so beautiful there, I have to say though I’m a bit disappointed about the kangaroos.” I said and she chuckled.

“Most people here are” She said and turned a corner. Then stopped her eyes wide. “Jesus, I didn’t introduce myself, I’m so sorry.. I’m Portia De Rossi” She said offering me her hand. I slowly grinned.

“Portia, that’s a really beautiful name. I’m Ellen… Ellen Degeneres. Which I know sounds a lot like degenerate..” I said. I often said this when I introduced myself. I find if you take away the satisfaction of people saying it on their own, they tend not to say it. I took her hand and shook it firmly. Her hand was so soft.

“Why would anyone think of that?” She asked slightly tilting her head.

“You would be surprised.” I said flatly. She shook her head unamused. And I stared at our hands that still held on to eachother.

“People are terrible. I think it’s so stupid how we try to tear eachother down” She said softly and I grinned.

“Aren’t you becoming a lawyer? Isn’t that a part of your job?” I asked and she smiled at me.

“Ellen, there is so much more that a lawyer can do than defend criminals and belittle people.” She said. Something about the way she said my name made a shudder run up my spine. “Are you cold?” She asked quickly, releasing my hand and unzipping the blue sweater she wore and offering it to me quickly. It was the only cover up of the real reason that I could think of, so I put it on and let her scent fill my senses.

“Thank you.” I said lightly and she smiled at me. “Why are you going into law then?” I asked as we began walking again.

“Because I want to do all I can for equality. Activism I guess, I’m more effective with a law degree than I am with a loud voice.” She said .

“You truly are amazing Portia.” I said.

“Hey! There you are Porshe! Are you coming to the movie with us or not?” Shouted a brown haired man from a car. Portia looked apologetically to me.

“Hang on Mike” She said then turned back to me. “I’m so sorry, I made a promise I would go with my brother and his girlfriend to the movies. It was so nice meeting you though” She said quickly hugging me then rushing to the car.

“Hey Ellen! I’ll see you on Sunday” She called before sliding in the back seat of the car. I watched her disappear and couldn’t help but realize how excited I was for Sunday. I looked down and quickly remembered I was still wearing her sweater and I smiled. At least now I had an excuse to see her again. I began walking back home to Mama’s and I didn’t even try to hide the bounce in my step.

Ellen’s POV

Kiera stood before me fuming. She had come to my house this morning after mom had left for work. I stood awkwardly in my JC Penny uniform while she stood in my living room with a red face and her shoulders heaving up and down.

“How could you embarress me like that? Leaving me alone! How do you think that made me look?” She screamed.

“I don’t fit in there.. I felt awkward standing around not being able to join your conversations” I said weakly.

“Of course you don’t fit in there, its not your stupid comedy club. But I fit in there and I need you to atleast shut up and try to make me look good. First you tell your stupid jokes embaressing me then you just leave.” She yelled. I looked down and nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry” My voice was barely audiable.

“You’re always sorry. Just go to work Ellen. I have class” She said spinning on her heel and leaving me standing alone in my living room as she slammed the door. I jumped slightly at the noise then looked at the clock on the wall. Great I had fifteen minutes to get to work. I rushed out of my house and saw Kiera ripping out of the driveway. I grabbed my bike and started peddling as quickly as I could.

I was only ten minutes late. However that was still enough to piss off my manager who also spent quite some time yelling at me. Fianlly I was behind my cash register mindlessly passing peoples items through.

“Hey!” Someone’s excited voice startled me. I looked up and there she was. Looking as beautiful as the night before with her hair pulled up into a pony tail and her make up light and natural looking.

“Hey Portia. You… you forgot your sweater. It’s at my house” I said quickly looking at her and then realizing I should be passing her items through.

“That’s okay, just bring it with you on Sunday. I’ll pick it up from you then.” She said sweetly leaning on the counter. I was trying really hard not to blush as I started passing a few pairs of lacy underwear through.

“You’re really gonna go to that? Kiera tells me the lawyer type don’t like comedy to much” I said with a slight grin.

“Kiera? Kiera Anthony is your friend?” She asked shocked. I slowly nodded as I bagged her purchases and let my thumb lightly rub over the lace panties while I placed it in the bag. My mind was trying to push the image of her in them to the front of my mind but I was fighting it as best as I could.

“She’s… kinda known as the campus bully.” She said lightly.

“I could see that” I responded, before telling her the total. She began digging in her purse and I looked away feeling even more guilty about lying.

“I actually love stand up. Law is so serious it’s nice to just be able to laugh.” She said as she finally passed over the money. I turned to my cash and began counting then a small piece of paper fell into my cash. I picked it up and noticed neat writing. It said her name then a phone number. My heart stopped dead as I realized and I turned to look at her, but only caught a glimpse of her pony tail disappearing out of the door.

She had given me her phone number! But it was already written… So she was expecting to see me. I had told her I worked here. She came here to see me. I had only met her yesterday. Should I call her? What about Kiera… It’s harmless right? To just call a girl… But thats not all I wanted. I sighed and stuffed her number in my pocket and put the money in my cash.

*

After I biked home, Mama had supper waiting for me. I sat at the table with her and tried to ignore her eyes burning into me. I shovelled the food into my mouth and finally looked up to her.

“When are you going to go to college and focus on a future? Sweetheart, Comedy isn’t something that is going to eventually rake in a lot of money.” She said sweetly.

“Ma, It’s okay. I’ll be fine” I said lightly. She frowned and looked away.

“That girl called you.” She said bitterly and I sighed.

“She’s my girlfriend Ma.” I said even lighter than before.

“She’s not good for you El. You deserve better.” Mama said before placing her fork in her barely touched plate.

“Mama, I’m going…” I paused and looked at her sad face. “I’m confused Mama… I met someone amazing. She gave me her number today and she’s pretty and she thinks I’m funny. She’s coming to see my show Sunday… But I can’t just dump Kiera after two years for no good reason” I said lightly and Mama shot out of her chair coming around to hug me.

“You have a good reason El. You two don’t work. This new girl, where did you meet her?” Mama asked, a smile gracing her features.

“Kiera’s party. She’s in her first year of law. But they are so different. She’s kind and it’s hard to imagine her being a lawyer… She says shes doing it cause having a law degree will help her fight for equal rights.” I said and Mama’s face almost broke from that information.

“Maybe this girl will be good for you Ellen. I say take a chance.” Mama kissed my head than sat down picking up her fork. “Did you hear that the Packers seem to have a good shot for the super bowel this year?”

*

I stood beside the stage wearing her blue sweater and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t see her in the audience. I decided on doing my procrastination bit tonight. I figured she would find it funny, but now I don’t know what made me more nervous… having her in the audience or her not showing up at all. I hadn’t called her. I couldn’t think of anything to say to her.

The sweater had a faint smell of her and it was slightly comforting. Finally I heard my name and took a breath, channeling my illusion of confidence. I stood in the center of the stage and looked out at everyone. Scanning the crowd for her. I couldn’t see her and my heart shattered, but I didn’t have time to focus on that. I began my routine.

About ten minutes in I glanced down to the front row for the first time and I saw her right up close to the stage and my words faltered. She pulled on her sweater and then gave me a thumbs up. I started to turn red and grinned at her.

I looked away because there was no way I could complete my routine with her eyes on me like that. Once I was done I bowed then ran off stage. I saw her walking towards the door and she stopped and leaned against the door frame. I slowly walked over to her and her grinned stretched.

“You really are funny” She said as I got to her. She opened her arms and I tried to hide my eagerness to be in her arms. It was a quick hug and I hated that it had to end. I smiled at her as we pulled away.

“I try to be anyways” I said as I began unzipping the sweater.

“No, keep it. It’s chilly out and I’m assuming you didn’t bring another.” She said. I shook my head.

“Let me buy you a drink then” I said and she smiled.

“I would love one.” She responded. We walked over to the bar and then sat down. After I ordered a beer and sat down facing her she looked sadly at me.

“You never called..” She said lightly. She look hurt.

“I-” I froze and then sighed. “Can I be honest?” I asked and slowly she nodded. “I find it hard to think of anything good enough to call you to say” I said and she smiled.

“How about Hi?” She asked her smile genuine.

“Not exactly a conversation starter” I chuckled and she smiled and placed her hand on my knee. I could feel the heat from her palm through my jeans. Suddenly my mouth went dry.

“Don’t worry about it. Just let it come natural. People call people all the time without anything really interesting to say. In fact my mother does it all the time.” She said. Then I smiled.

“So you would rather I called and sit in silence then have to answer the phone and talk to your mother?” I teased and she chuckled.

“Percisely.” She said and took a sip of her beer.

“I feel so used.” I joked, following her lead and sipping my beer. Her hand was still resting on my knee and her thumb was rubbing slow circles as she began telling me stories of her childhood with her mother. I wondered if she even realized what she was doing.

We continued drinking and talking of our pasts and soon, my head was fuzzy and I was feeling more confident then I should have. The bar would be closing soon and I didn’t want this night to end.

“Do you want to come to my place?” I asked and she slowly tilted her head and raised her brow. It was incredibly sexy. “Not… Not like that, like to watch a movie or something. I just want a little more time with you.” I said and she smiled.

“Sure.” She replied and I paid our tab, only half upset about the amount of money I had spent on alcohol, but to be with her was worth it. I would just have to pick up more hours at work this week.

We walked outside and her arm wrapped easily around mine as she leaned against me. She laughed at the way we were walking since the alcohol was pumping through our blood.

“Ellen?” My heart stopped. No no no no… This couldn’t be happening. Portia turned first then smiled brightly at me. I slowly turned to face Kiera who looked livid.

“Hey it’s your friend!” Portia said excitedly and she hiccuped.

“Friend? Is this why you left the party early last night? You were running off with a freshman? Sorry De Rossi, She’s my girlfriend. In fact she has been my girlfriend for two years” Kiera’s voice was deadly and Portia’s arm slipped from mine. I missed her touch greatly and I didn’t dare turn my head, because I knew the look I would find there. Kiera turned her deadly gaze to me. “You didn’t return my calls, I came to pick you up cause I called and your mom said you were still out.” Her voice was threatening.

“Why did you lie to me?” Portia asked, her voice hurt.

“Oh step off slut” Kiera said reaching for my arm. I felt a rush of anger at her.

“Don’t talk to her that way. She didn’t do anything wrong.” I said pulling my arm away from her.

“Ellen your drunk, let me take you home.” Kiera growled.

“I’m walking home with-”

“No… I think I should just go home. See yah Ellen” She said sadly and began to walk away.

“Portia!” I shouted and tried to follow her but Kiera pulled me back.

“Let it go Ellen, get in the car.” She said. Her grip on my arm was painful and I helplessly watched Portia walk away, her arms crossed over her chest and her head dropped as if she was trying to battle off the cold. I don’t know why I got in the car. I should have told Kiera it was over and to go fuck herself but I didn’t… I got in the car and listened to her scream at me all the way back to my mothers.

Ellen POV

It had been two weeks since the night at the comedy club. I had been spending every free moment I had listening to Kiera freak out on me. She had another party and she had pretty much threatened me, saying if I didn't show up and play a good supportive, non-funny partner then she was done. She would walk away. Part of me wondered if that was what I wanted. I wanted Portia, but everytime I called, she hung up once she heard my voice.

I tightened the tie around my neck. I looked down my body before turning to Kiera who wore a beautiful red dress. I couldn't deny she was attractive. She had long brown hair and big green eyes. She had high cheekbones and a slim build. She was incredibly beautiful and the red dress dropped low enough to reveal quite a bit of clevage and I could easily tell she wasn't wearing a bra.

“Like what you see?” She asked with a sly grin. “Maybe if you do good tonight, I will actually let you touch me.” She said carelessly, turning to pick up her purse. That was another part of my punishment, no contact.

We arrived at the hall a half hour later and I took a deep breath. Kiera looked at me and put her best smile on her face. It was time to play a role. She offered me her arm and I escorted her into the building. This dinner party was for everyone taking law in the university. Portia would be here. Unless she avoided it knowing that I would show up with Kiera.

We walked to our assigned seats and I was looking around for Portia. I caught a glimpse of Kiera's face faltering as she stumbled over a step. I loved at what her eyes had landed on and my heart stopped. Staring back at me was those breathtaking grey eyes, sitting at the table across from our seats. It was almost like god was playing a cruel trick on me.

I pulled Kiera's seat out and she smiled brightly up at me and placed her hand on mine. It burned my skin and it took everything in me to not pull away. I sat next to her and slowly I glanced up to see Portia's eyes on me. The man who picked her up, the man I remember her calling her brother, sat next to her.

“Hey” I said lightly as Kiera very quickly got into a discussion with her friend who sat on the other side of her, her hand still not leaving my thigh. She forced a smile to her face and returned the greeting. I went to lean over the table to talk quietly to her but Kiera's tight grip on my thigh and the quick glare she shot me, made me sit back up normally.

Portia shook her head and looked towards the front of the room, taking a deep breath. My heart pounded quickly as I watched her tounge snake out to wet her lips before she looked back into my direction. Her face looking more composed.

“How have you been Ellen?” She asked in a passive tone. It wounded me to not have her full attention and that sweet note in her voice. I looked at Kiera who leaned to kiss my cheek then peck my lips before turning her attention to Portia.

“We have been great” She said in an overly sweet voice. It sent a shudder down my spine as I couldn't take my mind off Portia. As composed as she was on the outside, I saw the flash of sadness behind her eyes.

“That's great I'm-” She paused to take a deep breath “I'm really happy for you two. Please excuse me,” She said as she quickly shot up and began walking to the bathroom. I watched her body retreating.

“Ellen” Kiera growled low, right beside my ear. It was a warning. I thought of what Mama said, I thought of my feelings right now, my heart was pulling me towards the bathroom, my rational mind was telling me to keep still and play along with Kiera. She was secure, she was comfortable she was... Not Portia.

“I can't do this anymore Kiera, I'm sorry, this isn't what I want anymore.” I said quickly standing and stepping away from her. Kiera's mouth fell.

“Don't do this Ellen” Kiera's tone was deadly. “You will really regret this.” She warned. I looked over to Michael, I could see the resemblence and his mouth stretched into a slow grin as he looked at the bathroom.

“I'm sorry.” I said and turned on my heel. I rushed to the bathroom, I tried to pull the door open but it was locked and I could hear sniffling. I knocked quickly.

“Occupied” She called out.

“Portia, It's Ellen, open the door” I called with a grin. This is what I needed. Slowly the door opened and I squeezed in and reached out for her. Soon she would be in my arms and none of this would- Portia had stepped away from my touch.

“I told her, I couldn't-” I began to explain.

“Ellen, you lied to me about her! Then you show up here with her, and.... and we barely know eachother” She interupted.

“I know it's crazy, I just, I felt a pull towards you since I met you and-”

“You lied to me and you are asking me to trust you? I can't Ellen. I can't do this. You should go apologize to Kiera and patch up your relationship before it's to late.” Portia said. I took a deep breath as she tried to open the door enough to squeeze through but my back prevented her from escaping. I looked at her face, she wasn't looking at me. I could easily go back and grovel for Kiera's forgiveness, but I couldn't. I felt a pull to Portia, Kiera was just comfortable, Portia was happiness. I grabbed Portia's arm and pulled her body against me.

“I can't go back out there and ask for her back, because I don't want her. I've wanted you and I didn't understand and it's incredibly scary to feel such an immediate draw to someone. I've imagined every night since I met you, what those lips would feel like on mine, how your body would feel curled up against mine, and I intend to find out, if you will allow me. I've messed up so many good things in my life but I can't mess this up. There's something amazing about you Portia and if you don't believe a word I just said, maybe this will prove it to you” And with that I closed my lips over hers. Her throat closed over a small gasp. It took her a few moments but soon she was kissing me back, her hand coming to the back of my head and her body pushing against mine.

My body was reacted the second our lips touched. I wasn't prepared for the shock that went through my body. I was completely hers, and I couldn't control anything in my body. Her body pushed me back against the door as our kiss turned feverish.

She pulled back gasping for air and her eyes locked on mine, one hand still tangled in my hair and the other resting on my hip. Her eyes looked scared and confused.

“Do you still doubt my honesty?” I asked lightly. My heart was pounding in my throat and I felt like I couldn't get a good breath no matter how hard I tried. Slowly the uncertaintly left her eyes and her mouth stretched into a small, sexy grin.

“If I say no will you do that again?” She whispered.

“Sweet heart I'll do that as long as you want me to” I answered with a grin.

“After that, that's a very dangerous offer to make. I might not ever want you to stop” She whispered, her lips brushing against mine with her words. I pecked her lips, not being able to resist using my tongue to lightly lick her lips.

“This is all happening really fast” She whispered, her body still pushed against mine. “What happened to courtship?” She asked, I could tell she was teasing, but I still took a step back and kissed the back of her hand.

“Tell me... are you interested in me?” I asked and she slowly grinned.

“Yes Ellen.” Her voice was low.

“Then, I will escort you back to your table, or your car if you would prefer to leave. Then I will go home and I will take you for lunch tomorrow. I will meet you outside of your school.” I said, in my most gentleman like tone.

“Like a date?” She asked sweetly. I nodded. She pulled me in for another breathtaking kiss. “Thats the last one for now. Do you need a ride home? I don't want to stay here.” She said

“I can walk.” I said lightly, her hand was stroking my side lovingly and unlike the earlier burn of Kiera's touch, it was comforting and I longed for more, but I would take this slow for her.

“Don't be silly. Let me give you a ride. Then tomorrow, lunch” She said. Slowly we stepped back from the door. I could feel every ones eyes on us as we walked through the hall and Michael was already waiting by the door. He nodded lightly as Portia quickly whispered to him. He handed her the keys and she took my hand leading me to her car.

Once I opened her door at the drivers side, she kissed me quickly before sitting and smiling up at me as I shut her door. I rushed around to the passenger side and got into the car. Her hand came to rest on my thigh while she drove and my body reacted to the simple motion.

Her thumb absently drew small circles. My hips arched slightly against my will. Portia smiled as she glanced at me. I blushed slightly at my lack of control of my own body.

“Sorry, I'm trying really hard to take this slow, but it seems my body has other ideas.” I mumbled and she chuckled.

“Believe me sweetheart, I'm fighting the same battle.” She responded. I instructed her how to get to my house and once she pulled up outside, I could see my Mama hiding behind the blinds peaking out at us.

“My Mama's watching. She actually was ecstatic that I liked someone other than Kiera. So, she's gonna keep staring to give me tips when I get in the house” I said looking at her hand still resting on my thigh.

“Hm, well... maybe you should kiss me one more time.” Portia said softly.

“I really want to, but I don't trust myself to stop.” I whispered. Before I could even think of what was happening she was on top of me and her mouth landed hungrily on mine. My hips thrusting up against her and her long low groan. Her tongue invading my mouth and her hands tangling in my hair. Our hips moving in the same rhythm now.

“Oh god El,” She whimpered against my lips. She kissed me softly, our hips still moving quickly against each other.

“We should stop” I whispered, not slowing my movements at all, as her lips claimed mine again.

“We really should.” She said, before claiming my lips again and her hips speeding up against me. Her fingers tightened in my hair and her hips thrust forward then stopped dead as my hips rose against her, we were both frozen, pushed against each other, her loud moan filled the air as our bodies shuddered against each other.

“Oh god,” She groaned, her face hiding in the crook of my neck. “I can't believe we just did that. We suck at taking thing slow” She chuckled.

“I know.” I said, breathing in her hair and stroking her back lightly.

“Oh my god!” She shouted quickly, pulling away from me. “Whats your mother going to think of me?” She hissed pulling herself off me.

“That you have impeccible taste in women” I responded and she laughed swatting me playfully.

“You need to go, before I can't stop myself anymore” She said kissing my lips lightly. I nodded and kissed her as I slowly exited the car, Portia's lips following mine, until I was crouching outside the door still kissing her.

“Bye” I whispered after we broke the kiss. She grinned and let her eyes rake over me.

“See you tomorrow” She whispered before sitting back into her seat as I shut the passenger side door. I watched her pull away before turning and waving at my mother who gave me a thumbs up through the window. I shook my head as I made my way to the door.

Ellen's POV

I ran down the stairs in my JC Penny uniform. Mama looked up shocked then looked up at the clock. I was never ready this early. Most of the time I would still be asleep. I had an hour and a half before I had to be at work.

“Mama, do you want pancakes?” I asked in a sing-song voice as I took out the mix. Mama smiled brightly as she touched my shoulder lightly.

“You are very cheerful for the early morning. I would love some darling” Mama said kissing my cheek then sitting at the table as I went about making the breakfast. “This girl, she seems to be something special? She must be to have you up before seven in the morning.” Mama said and I grinned. I turned with the mixing bowl in my hand.

“She makes me want to try.” I said to my mother.

“She seems very nice.” Mama said and I slowly raised my eyebrow.

“Did you get that from spying on us last night?” I asked and Mama's smile grew.

“No, I got a whole different view from that. She seems to have trouble keeping her hands off you.”

“Look at me, can you blame her?” I asked with a wink and Mama chuckled.

“Your father called for you last night. He wants you to do to dinner with his..” Mama trailed off and placed her hand over her mouth. I dropped the bowl on the counter and touched her shoulder.

“Hey, don't worry Mama.” I said kissing her head, as she nodded trying to hold her tears at bay. “I can't anyway, I'm this hot stud now, all the ladies want me” I teased and Mama began chuckling again. I went back to breakfast.

“Tell me about her El” Mama's voice was light and pleading for a distraction. I smiled as I began to drop the mix into the pan. I thought of Portia. Her velvety smooth lips, the way her hair fell, her bright smile, her grey eyes, the way her hips had moved roughly over mine, or the way her moan filled my ears as both our bodies shuddered in the small confines of her car.

“She's smart Mama, she's smart and real sweet. Her name is Portia.” I told her. She smiled as I placed our pancakes on a plate on the table. I sat across from her and shovelled the food onto my plate. As I poured a huge amount of syrup onto my plate I looked up to see my moms disapproving look.

“Obviously she hasn't seen how you feed yourself yet.” Mama said lightly. I stabbed the sticky mess in my plate and shoved as much as I could fit into my mouth.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice muffled by the food in my mouth. Mama started laughing again.

*

I finished putting the products on the shelf and looked at my watch, I would have to go to meet Portia soon. It would take me about twenty minutes to bike there. I was just finishing breaking down the last box when I felt small hands resting on my stomach as someone's body pressed against my back.

“Hey cutie” She said lightly. I grinned as I turned to hug her.

“What are you doing here? I was gonna meet you at your school” I said taking all the boxes and placing them in my cart. Portia shrugged.

“I figured, you don't drive right? I mean I'm asssuming since I've only ever seen you get rides or bike places.” She grinned and I nodded. “So I figured, I'd save you the bike ride.” She finished lightly.

“Let me throw this stuff in the back and-” I began

“Ellen, I've been trying to call you and your brother, why you two don't answer your bloody phones is beyond me.” It was my father. I could tell before I turned to face him, because the panic set in. Portia was standing there and I was crazy about her and my father would be disgusted when he saw that. I finally turned and faced him and it hit me in the gut. My father was standing there with a little blond girl in a dress. His new family. His perfect little girl. A little girl that would wear a dress.

“I've been busy” I said lightly, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

“Working in a department store and hanging around a comedy club? Have you got yourself a Boyfriend yet?” His emphasis on the word boyfriend made me cringe. He had kicked me out of his house when I came out to him and it still stung.

“No, but I am seeing someone” I said lightly and his eyes slid to Portia. I felt my shoulder's square at the look he was giving her, the way his eyes slid over her body, as if looking for some kind of clue to her sexuality. His eyes landed back on me and raised his eyebrow. I slowly nodded and he laughed. He honestly laughed at me.

“Well if you can tame yourself for a few hours, Tammy would like to have you and Vance over for dinner.” My dad said.

“I would rather eat dinner with Mama” I said, still feeling the sting in my chest. I took my cart and walked around him, taking Portia's hand to pull her along with me. “I'm sorry about that.” I said lightly. Portia pushed the cart into the back and then took my hand leading me to her car, once she had me sat in the car she kissed me. It wasn't a strong kiss, it wasn't needy or rough. It was soft and understanding.

“Don't be.” She whispered. She was squatting outside of her car, my hand clenched in hers. She kissed my cheek. “Let's go get some food.” She said sweetly. I missed the touch of her hand the second she let go. Once she got in the driver seat her hand fell immediately to my thigh again. I grinned, I couldn't help but feel incredibly happy with her beside me.

We pulled up outside a small diner. Portia and I held hands and slowly entered the diner. The jukebox was playing a twangy country song and a few rugged looking men sat at the counter drinking from white coffee cups. Portia and I sat at a booth and I glanced around quickly to see how many people's eyes were watching us. People only glanced quickly and then turned their attention back to where it had been before.

“This is kinda nice. It feel old timey and comfortable” Portia said as she grinned at me. I smiled back and reached for her hand over the table, our fingers tangled around each other. A waitress in a light blue plaid dress with an apron tied around her waist, approached us. Her brown curly hair looked dead as it was held up above her head with a clip and her makeup was terribly done. Her smile was obviously fake and her voice sounded like she had been chain smoking for over thirty years.

“Do you girls need a menu?” The waitress asked. I shook my head no and looked to Portia who shook her head no as well. The waitress took out her note pad and looked expectantly at me.

“Club sandwich with fries and gravy.” I said and Portia smiled and got the same thing. As we waited for our food, we talked about childhood memories. Portia would laugh easily and touch my arm gently while she threw her head back.

“Your really close to your mother huh?” Portia asked as the waitress set our plates in front of us.

“Thank you” I said making eye contact with the waitress who nodded. I looked back to Portia. “Yeah, my Mama has always stood behind me you know. When I came out to her she didn't understand, but she went to all these meetings to learn more and she would come home and tell me that she loved me and she would get better. As if she was sick or something and after a while, it was the most normal thing in the world for her. Since dad left, she's been having a really rough time with that. I just try to make her laugh. It's really all I can do.” I said lightly and Portia's hand fell over fine again and her thumb caressed the skin there.

“She seems like an amazing lady. She would have to be to raise an amazing daughter like you.” Portia said. I blushed and shrugged lightly.

“She thinks that you are going to judge me because of the way I eat.” I said maintaining eye contact as I stuffed the corner of the sandwhich into my mouth and bit off as much as would fit. Portia's grin slowly stretched into a full blown smile as she leaned over the table to use her finger to wipe some mayo off the side of my mouth.

“I think it's cute” She said sticking her finger in her mouth to lick the mayo off. I swallowed the food in my mouth with a huge gulp. It hurt going down my throat, but I was staring into those grey eyes that were burning with a mischievous glow. My heart started pounding in my chest and I suddenly felt like there wasn't enough air. She winked at me and took a much more reasonable bite of her sandwich. I tried to convince myself to break eye contact with her. I couldn't seem to make myself though.

“Ellen...” She whispered as she set her sandwich down. I don't know if it was impossible for her to look anywhere else to, but the way she said my name sent that shiver up my spine again.

“Come to dinner tonight... Meet my mom.” I said, trying to think of anything other then my body reactions.

“I would love to” She whispered.

Ellen's POV

I looked around my room, which was normally not this sparkling clean. I looked for anything that might be considered out of place. Nothing was and my bed was perfectly made. I took the clothes I had laid out and quickly showered. Mama was going to meet Portia, and I prayed to god she would love her. It's hard being with someone your mama doesn't approve of, when your mother means as much to you as my mother meant to me.

Once I finished putting on my dress pants and button up shirt, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were brighter than I had seen them in a while, the dark rings around my eyes vanished, and my face showed the happiness I felt. I walked out into the kitchen where Mama was just shutting the oven door, after she had checked on our meal. She turned to me and gasped.

“Oh, Ellen, you are so handsome.” She gushed, rushing over to fix the collar of my shirt. I grinned at her as she tried to tame my gelled hair.

“Mama, it's supposed to be up like that.” I chuckled. The pout that crossed her face was obviously fake, and she couldn't hold it there for long as her smile stretched. The phone rang and for a moment, I panicked thinking it was Portia calling to cancel. I lifted the receiver to my ear and greeted the person on the other line.

“Ellen, you will come here, and pretend to be a daughter I can be proud of” My father growled. I sighed as I looked to the ground and waited for the pain of his words to pass.

“Dad, my girlfriend is coming for supper to meet Mama, I can't go. But enjoy pretending you have the perfect family. I'm sure Vance will be there.” I said. Mama looked at me sadly and touched my arm, before walking out of the room to give me some privacy.

“Vance, atleast he is doing something right. He met a girl you know. She makes him very happy.” My father informed me.

“I met a girl too dad.” my voice was very low as I sat on the chair and rested my head on my hand.

“You should meet a boy Ellen. You should grow out your hair and you could have any pick of the men around these parts. You can be a very pretty girl. You don't need to settle for this lifestyle.” My father scolded.

“I could meet a boy daddy, I know I could. But I don't like boys. I'm not settling, this is who I am.” I pleaded with him.

“Bullshit Ellen. It's a choice. That beautiful girl I saw you with, it's only a matter of time before she realizes, that the asshole who hurt her in the past, to make her want to be... one of those... isn't what all men are like.” My father countered. I sighed as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

“Daddy, I'm not sick, I'm not making a choice. Daddy, I really am gay. Daddy, I just want you to love me, the real me.” I cried softly.

“I do love you Ellen. If you would go back to being my little girl. Get a dress for god sakes. Get a boyfriend. You will see how much being out of that lifestyle will change this downward spiral you have been in.” My father pleaded with me.

“Daddy, please.” I pleaded and he scoffed.

“Ellen, call me when your ready to admit the truth.” He scolded before hanging up. I stood and rushed to the living room for comfort from my mother and was incredibly embaressed to see Portia sitting on our couch with my mother sitting across from her. They both looked up at me and I tried to hide my face behind my hands. I felt two small, yet strong hands pull on my wrist exposing my face. I looked into those grey eyes that have been holding me captive. I wondered how she had got in front of me so quickly and quietly.

“Don't hide from me Ellen. Please never hide from me.” She whispered pulling me tightly to her chest and craddling me. Her fingers running lightly over my back as I sobbed.

“I'm going to check on the dinner” Mama said lightly stopping to kiss my wet cheek before continuing into the kitchen.

“your mother told me about your father a bit, after she told me he was on the phone.” Portia said lightly, pulling me back to look into my eyes. “There is not a damn thing wrong with you.” She finished and kissed me with that same soft, understanding kiss as earlier today.

“I just want him to love me, I want him to accept me and see I'm still his little girl. I just... I just don't want to marry a man. I fall in love with women.” I cried and Portia's face scrunched into a pained look. She was really feeling every ounce of pain in me, I could tell because I could see it reflected in her eyes. She kissed my nose and held me tightly against her again.

“If he really never comes around darling, it's his loss okay?” She whispered and I nodded, trying to compose myself. I laughed as I looked around the room.

“Gosh This is not how I pictured you meeting my mom.” I chuckled. Portia smiled brightly.

“I love your mom. She's so sweet darling. Lets have a nice dinner okay?” She asked lightly, before kissing me again. I nodded. She intertwined our fingers as we walked into the kitchen. Mama smiled as she stepped forward and cupped my cheeks looking into my eyes.

“I love you Ellen Lee Degeneres. There is nothing wrong with you” Mama said, her voice strong and her hands pushed on my cheeks.

“I love you to Mama.” I whispered. She smiled and looked back at the table.

“Now, set the table and lets eat” She said. I nodded and quickly went about the task.