Eyes of a Tiger

Portia's POV

I could never understand it, this social status thing. I guess I should have by now, it had been my entire life. I had a traditional family, A father who worked in an office all day and then came home to sip his coffee and read the paper, A mother who taught me what it meant to be a lady and would never let me play sports and an older brother who was now away in college. I was a good girl, with good grades. My mother was proud of me for being so intelligent, but she always made sure I knew my place as a woman. We were rich and I had to be the perfect lady to preserve my family's image.

I was my mother's pride and joy. I was polite and never argued with a man, because mother taught me that men's ego's were fragile and we had to make sure they always felt like the alpha in the situation. I never slept around and I never hung out with anyone from the wrong side of the tracks. I never smoked a cigarette or drank any booze. I was a straight A student who could easily get into any university. My boyfriend was a clean cut and clean shaven man, who talked business with my father. I was everything she could hope for.

I never thought my fall from grace would come so quickly and unceremoniously as it had that night. It was such an average Friday night, I don't know how it went so wrong. Chad and I went to the drive-in with a few friends. All the men were drinking and I politely refused. Chad had his arm around my shoulders most of the time. I hated how he pawed at me, but I couldn't tell him, men's ego's and all. The boys realized a group of kids from the other side of town. They were easy to spot, with their hair greased back and leather jackets. I didn't understand why they would want their hair to look so dirty.

Chad was the ring leader, once he saw the group stand to go get snacks he collected his buddies and followed. As a supportive woman to my man, I felt the need to follow but I was scared. These people were dangerous, not to mention I hated confrontation. I followed dutifully.

“What rat hole did you guys crawl out of” Chad shouted once we got close. I tried not to cringe at how stupid he sounded. The group turned and at that moment, her eyes met mine. It was electric. Her eyes such an intense blue, so deep. She leaned back against the wall, her cigarette hanging in her mouth and her eyes locked on mine. My brain felt as if it were soup, I couldn't think anything, in fact I forgot everything that led us up to this moment. I kept screaming at myself to look away, but I couldn't make my eyes complete the action. Suddenly I felt fury at her, why wasn't she looking away! Was she trying to intimidate me because of where I come from? Ashes fell down the front of her leather jacket, with it's collar turned upward, but she didn't move to wipe them off. Her eye brows furrowed above her striking eyes as if she was confused by me. Her blonde hair greased back and it frustrated me, because I wanted to know if it would fall straight down or if it was bushy or anything, I just wanted to know what it looked like. It struck me all at that moment. Why should I care what her hair looked like? Why should I care if she was confused by me? Why should I care about this woman at all? She was a hoodlum, a nobody, most of all, she was trouble.

She took her cigarette from her mouth and blew out a long breath of smoke and turned her gaze to Chad when he pushed one of her friends. I was completely unnerved by her and I wanted to leave. She had my heart bouncing in my chest and I never felt that with a boy before. I could let myself think to much about it, not with her standing right in front of me and screwing with my normally intelligent brain.

“Chad let's go” I pleaded. Chad didn't seem to hear me as he continued mocking the boy with the black greasy hair, but she sure heard me. Her eyes snapped back to me but they weren't threatening. She still seemed confused. I wanted to reach out to her and fix her turned up collar. I also wanted to slap her right in the face for making me feel all these strange feelings. I wondered if she knew she was having an effect on me. Then like a small puppy dog, she slowly turned her head to the side as she observed me. I couldn't get enough air in my lungs, and I knew I was probably hyperventilating trying to suck air in. She wasn't just staring at me, she was staring into my soul. My essence of being, she was seeing every unladylike thing I tried to hide, my every secret. And I was powerless to stop her and at that moment, I felt relief and I wasn't sure I wanted to stop her.

“Hey, dyke, eyes off my girl” Chad growl, breaking our moment. Once her eyes snapped back to him, I finally got a good lung full of air. Her eyes were different with him, they weren't searching his soul at all. The only way I could describe the look in her eyes is, I had only seen that look in the eyes of the tigers at the zoo, right before they attacked their pray. It was a fierce and dangerous look, one that in the average, sober person, would make their knees quake as mine did now.

“Don't talk

Ellen? Oh gosh, I knew who she was. Everyone in this town knew who she was. Ellen Degeneres. She was the bad girl, dropped out of school, chain smoked cigarettes and could win any fight she was thrown in, much like the tigers I compared her look to. She was a tiger, ferocious, dangerous and deadly.

“Chad. It's fine, let's go” I pleaded, pulling on his jacket arm.

“No, It's not fine. I don't like this dyke looking at you like that. She's not one of your sluts Degeneres” Chad growled at her. I felt like I was going to start crying. My mother's lessons of never arguing with a man ringing in my head. This was the first time Ellen would break who I was trained to be.

“God damn it Chad, either you leave with me now or I'm going alone” I shouted, my voice rising over everyones. Everyone's eyes snapped to me.

“Excuse me?” Chad growled looking back to me. He took a step towards me. “What makes you think you can talk to me like that?” He asked, his voice low and he was close enough I could smell the alcohol on his breath. For a smart girl, sometimes I could be really dumb. Out of all the times I could have chosen to be disobident, I had to choose the time he was drunk. His hand raised into the air, his palm flat, I waited for the sting to come to my face with my eyes clenched shut, but it never came. I opened my eyes to see my big strong boyfriend on the pavement. Ellen hovering over him, his thumb twisting in a strange way.

“You will not hit a lady in front of me asshole.” She growled around her cigarette, which caused ashes to fall onto Chad's shirt. His eyes were terrified as pain shot through his hand and I looked at the stunned faces of his friends and the ready for war faces of hers. It overwhelmed me. Why did she defend me? I wasn't apart of her group, why did she care? I didn't know, but I knew I couldn't stay. Chad would be furious. I took a couple of steps back and Ellen seemed to sense my movement as she looked up at me, the danger gone from her eyes wasn't enough to calm my racing heart. My legs started running before my head even caught up with all that had happened.

I walked into the school slowly, I wasn't sure what to expect after running out on Chad last night. I was sure he would be angry, livid even, that I left him on the ground with Ellen hovering over him. But could he truly expect me to stop her? If even he couldn't have got out of it? He was a big enough guy, sure Ellen wasn't your skinny and preppy girl, but she was still a lot smaller than him. It had plagued me all night, how she could easily take down a guy more than four times her size. Well if I was honest, the intensity of those blue eyes is what held most of my attention last night, keeping me awake in the wee hours of the morning and then invading my dreams. I could see her staring ahead of her, with the murderous look that was so effortlessly compairable to the tigers. She seemed to have nothing to lose, not a single bit of remorse, almost as if there was nothing inside her. Then I would think of how her eyes lost that edge when she looked at me. She didn't seem angry or as if she was trying to intimidate me. She just seemed curious and confused.

I saw Chad waiting by my locker, holding a bouquet of red roses. I stood and looked at him. I had to allow myself this moment to think. As much as I tried to avoid it last night, I couldn't help thinking about how Ellen's attention made me feel. The heat it spread through my body, the way it pinned me to the ground and melted any coherant thought in my head. Chad's attention had always overwhelmed me, and not in the fairy tale kind of way, in the overbearing and annoying kind of way. Where I wanted to touch Ellen's skin and fix her collar, I never seemed to want to be physical with Chad. I did it because it was my duty. I claimed the reason I wouldn't make love to him was because I was a good girl and I planned on waiting until marriage. I assured him it was as hard for me to abstain from him as it was for him. That was a flat out lie. It wasn't hard because I didn't actually want to. It had never occured to me before that it was maybe not the fact I was a good girl who didn't need sex to feel loved, but maybe because I didn't want to feel loved by a man. I shook my head violently. I couldn't afford to dwell on it. Even if it was true, it would always be something I couldn't fufill. There was no room in my life for it. Where Ellen didn't have to worry what people thought about her, I did. I would lose everything even if it was just one night in those strong arms of hers. Shoot! Why was I thinking of her like that, and why did they mental image just make my body react in such an unfamilliar way, with the burning between my legs?

I took a deep breath and stuffed my thoughts back into myself before finishing my walk to my locker. Chad turned once he saw me and his face displayed panic.

“I'm so sorry about last night Portia. I shouldn't have drank. I should have listened

“Yeah, well, right now I'm more fond of her then you” I said opening my locker and trying to settle down my rage. Chad's loud laugh echoed through the halls. He thinks I'm joking? Maybe I should play it off as that. My image and all, I can't come across as someone with a soft spot for those... Well the people like Ellen. I grinned up at him and he leaned down and pecked my lips. His face was prickly, as if he forgot to shave this morning and it hurt my face, but I didn't show it. He handed me the roses and I brought them to my nose, sniffing their scent and smiling.

*

My father picked me up after school with my mother. I sat quietly as we drove towards home. My day had been uneventful and tonight I would have to attend a dinner party with my parents, which left little time to complete the pile of homework I had to do. I tried to plan my night in my head to accommodate everything I had to do when my mother turned handing me her wallet, as we pulled into the gas station.

“Honey, will you go get some milk?” She asked and I nodded. I stepped outside and immediately recognized one of the boys from Ellen's group. I gulped slightly, hoping he wouldn't say anything while my parents were sitting there. His eyes flashed with recognition, but he only walked to the pump, looking to my father for instructions. I turned back when my dad called me and he gave me a stern look.

“Be careful.” He warned. I couldn't see any reason why any of these kids would do something dishonorable to me. I never had crossed them. I hurried into the store before the kid could begin any conversation with me and land me in the dog house with my parents. I picked out a carton of milk and walked to the counter and I suddenly wished I had stayed outside. My breath was knocked from my lungs and her head tilted in that curious way again.

“Is this it?” She asked and her voice wasn't as rough as I remembered from last night. Then again, she had never spoken to me, and she seemed to not want to hurt me like she did everyone else. I nodded and swallowed hard trying to act normal.

“Did that boyfriend of yours come after you today?” She asked not looking at me as she punched in the number to her cash.

“Actually he apologized for drinking to much and acting stupid.” I responded looking down.

“That'll be a dollar. I don't know, you don't seem that into him.” She said and I fished out the dollar from my mothers wallet.

“You don't know me. You can't tell me what I'm into” I shot back, but I made the mistake of looking in her eyes. They were playful. Was she toying with me. Then her grin... Gosh, how could something so easy make my heart beat a million times faster.

“I can see it in you. You don't like him and thats okay. Some girls don't like boys. Why don't you come by the station some time and I can show you what life really can be like.” She asked. She had such a smooth confidence to her and as much as my body screamed that it wanted to I knew I had to be appalled. I slammed the dollar on the counter and took the milk.

“I know who you are Ellen, maybe you don't know who I am, but I know you. I'm not one of those harlots you bed every night to avoid the own hatred for yourself. Even if I was one of those girls who don't like boys, what makes you think I would lower my standards to your kind. Work in a gas station, high school drop out, beats up people for fun and sleeps with any girl willing to spread her legs.” I growled at her. Her grin faded and she took half a step back before squaring her shoulders. I waited, I knew she would give me the murderous look now that I had knocked her down, but she didn't. She only looked wounded.

“You only know what you've heard of me, you don't know me. Maybe I have been with a lot of woman, that have meant nothing to me. Yes I've slept with woman just for recreation. But that wasn't my intention with you.” Her voice was soft and she reminded me of a wounded puppy. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, take back the mean words I said, but I couldn't.

“You can forget about it Ms. Degeneres. We will never be in each others company. We are from different worlds.” I huffed turning towards the door.

“Why? Because of our circumstance at birth? Is it really my fault I was born in the ghetto, while you were born into power and money?” She called. I froze at the door and thought about turning, but I resisted and pushed out of the door and rushed into the car. My father looked at me worriedly and I shook my head at him.

“Those people give me the heebie-jeebies.” I explained and my father nodded completely understanding that statement. But Ellen's words rang in my head, and I couldn't deny that she was right.

***

My life had practically returned to normal. I hadn't seen Ellen since the day at the gas station a few weeks ago. Well other than in my head of course. The more I tried to not think about her the more I did. It drove me crazy because she was unknowingly making it hard to fake my life as I had been for all these years. I fought with Chad now. I never fought with him before and he was getting increasingly angry about it. He had hit me for the first time a few days after the gas station. He had gotten drunk and tried to force himself on me. When I fought him off he had hit me. It was the first time I had ever been hit, and stars danced in front of my eyes and I could taste the tang of blood in my mouth. I had told my mother I had fell and smacked my face. The next day Chad was apologetic and even went out and bought me a expensive necklace to show his remorse. It had begun a cycle. He would get drunk, we would fight he would hit me, I would run away then the next day, he would bring something ridiculously expensive and beg for forgiveness. He was to important to my image so I kept it. If I'm being honest, I sometimes thought of running to that gas station and spilling my guts out to Ellen. She would take care of him for me I'm sure. But did I truly want that? I just wanted him to be afraid of hurting me again.

I sighed as I looked at the time. Ten O'clock at night. It was a Friday night and I was here doing homework. I had rejected Chad's invitation to go out to his friends small gathering. I knew there was booze and I didn't want to be around them like that. I thought of what Ellen would be doing tonight. Was she running the streets looking for trouble? Was she beating on someone because she was so angry with her own life? Was she even really like what everyone said she was? She seemed to have a dangerous side, but what she had said, about her being a victim of circumstance, well it was true. What would she be like if she was born into this life? I shook my head and suddenly pushed back from my chair.

“Screw this” I muttered throwing a sweater over my shoulders. I was angry at Ellen for putting these doubts in my head, I was angry at her for making me feel bad for being born into money, I was mad at her for bringing to my attention the unjust social standard we have and I was especially mad at her for making it so damn hard to live my life how I had been for so long. I drove to Chad's friends house, not even caring if I was going over the speed limit, my anger was easily beating out my ladylike training. I didn't knock on the door, I just barged in and stopped up to Chad. I sat down on his lap, straddling his thighs while all his friends looked on in shock. I kissed him roughly, I kissed him how I wanted to kiss Ellen and I tried to ignore the picks of his facial hair, because at this moment, in my head he wasn't Chad, he was Ellen. I moaned into his mouth as the thoughts I had been ignoring for so long flashed in my mind, the thoughts of how Ellen's hands would feel all over my body. My hips were moving slowly of their own accord on his pelvis. I was completely lost in this trace of Ellen, until I felt the lump growing in his pants. It knocked me back to reality, those weren't Ellen's hands cupping my breast, those weren't Ellen's lips I was kissing, It was Chad and I suddenly felt repulsed by myself. I pulled back and tried to play it cool.

“Damn Porshe” Chad groaned, trying to catch his breath. I felt like crying at how much this woman had taken over me. I forced a smile and winked at him.

“I couldn't stay away” I said and looked at the coffee table beside him, grabbing his glass I drained the amber liquid, chugging the entire glass. Chad's eyes widened as the liquid burned my throat and almost made me choke. I felt it coat my insides as Chad looked at his friends.

“Get the girl another drink!” He demanded. The boys all jumped to action, fishing out a glass for me and some ice. Chad's hands were pawing at my body.

“Decide to give up your parents expectations of you?” He asked, his voice an attempt at being seductive. I wondered if he knew that how he squeezed my breast wasn't a good feeling, it hurt, a lot. He took my hand and placed it over the hard lump in his pants and started moving it back and forth. I quickly downed the next drink the boys handed me, watching Chad's movements. His hand making me move mine faster. “Let's go to the bathroom baby, before I cum in these pants.” His voice was husky.

“I want another drink.” I said. It took seconds before my glass was filled again. I drained that quickly and the boy with the bottle immediately filled it back up. My stomach churned at the liquor I poured into it. “What is this?” I asked, my head feeling fuzzy.

“Scotch baby, you should slow down.” Chad said, he looked genuinely concerned. I hated him, at that moment I hated him, because to me he stood for everything that kept me from being who I was. He was the reason I had to pretend, because society wanted things to be a certain way. I drained the last of my glass and stood. My world spun around me quickly and I leaned against the sofa.

“I need to go” I whimpered, heading towards the door.

“What? No! You can't come in here and make me hard like this then just leave. Don't be a fucking cock tease” Chad shouted. Pulling me back by my arm roughly. “I mean don't you think I've waited long enough. I mean I don't care if it's only a blow job at this point” He continued. I felt disgusted, how could he be so crude with me. I pulled my arm away from him and quickly ran outside. Once I dove into my car and locked the doors, I realized Chad wasn't chasing me. My heart was pounding. I was afraid of him, but this alcohol was making my head do funny things.

I don't know what came over me, but as I started driving, which was hard since I couldn't see straight, I began heading to the other side of town. I knew once I got there, the houses were falling apart, chain link fences were cut or falling over, the grass was dying and it stunk of poverty. I drove slowly around neighborhoods. It would be easier if I knew where she was. I had almost given up hope when I saw her on the corner, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth as she leaned on a post. She seemed to be alone just looking out. I stopped the car and she looked confused as she realized the car didn't fit in. I kicked opened my door and her eyes narrowed on me, but not dangerously.

“Hey, I'm assuming you came looking for me.” She said with a grin. I stumbled forward towards her and she looked worried all of a sudden. “Man are you drunk? You shouldn't be driving, you could really hurt yourself.” She said reaching out to grab my arm and steady me. I brought up my hand and slapped her hard across her face. She looked stunned as she looked back at me, her face burning red where my hand had made contact.

“Why did you do this to me?” I shouted and her face contorted into a confused expression. “I was a good girl Ellen! I was so good at being what they wanted me to be! Why did you do this to me!” I screamed, grabbing her leather jacket by the collar and shaking her violently. I wanted her to get mad and hurt me, so that I knew she was bad news, so I could convince myself that she wasn't worthy of my feelings, but she didn't she let me shake her and push her against the post and slap her. No one would believe me if I told them, but it was true. Her eyes never stopped showing that worry for me.

“I didn't do anything.” She said softly. I pushed her as hard as I could against the post and slapped her again, not as hard as the first time, but still hard enough to sting my hand. She slowly looked back up at me, She was still worried about me, I could see it in her eyes. Why wouldn't she get mad at me. I grabbed her face now and crashed my lips to hers. She responded to my kiss immediately, her arms wrapping around my back to hold me tight against her. Her lips tasted like cigarettes, but they were soft, it didn't hurt my face and I could feel the electricity from it shoot through my body and the heat returned, pulsing between my thighs. When I pulled back from her, her eyes were wild, the dangerous look in them returning. My heart pounded waiting for the hurt that would surely be coming from the look in her eyes.

“I'm going to take you home so you can get some sleep. I don't want you driving like this.” She said softly, which betrayed the look in her eyes.

“You want to hurt me, I can see it in your eyes. Do it then, just get it out of the way, I can take it” I egged her on, her arms were still locked around my lower back.

“You can't read me very well then, because the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I want to rip your clothes off and take you in the back seat of that expensive car of yours-” At this point my knees turned to rubber and I was thankful her strong arms were around me to keep me standing. “But, I won't do that because you are to drunk to give me your consent.” She finished.

“Do it, I give you my consent.” I whispered. She grinned slightly, she practically carried me to my car and my heart was pounding. This would be how I lost my innocence, in the back seat of my car in a trashy neighborhood, while I was drunk. Just like every other tramp. She set me down in my back seat. I closed my eyes and waited for her touch, but she safely buckled me in. I looked at her confused.

“Not when your drunk. If you want me when your sober, then I will. But not like this.” She said, her voice incredibly soft. “Give me your keys, I'll take you to my house.” She said lightly. Suddenly I panicked.

“I cant! My parents don't know I left. I have to go home” I said fear in my voice.

“Then I'll take you home” She said lightly. I thought about it, I could always tell my parents I had gone out to a friends. Would I be able to sleep in Ellen's arms if I stayed at her house. I wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure if I could trust her! Well, how could I not? I basically threw myself at her and she turned me down for being to drunk... Or was that her excuse was she just not attracted to me? I stared into those blue eyes, all the danger in them was fading fast and being replaced by concern.

“Take me to your place.” I whispered, handing her the keys. She nodded and closed the door. She got into the drivers seat and looked back at me. I leaned against the window and watched her as she drove. She was truly handsome. I slowly fell asleep with thoughts of her.

I woke up with a jolt. I realized quickly that Ellen was carrying me. She grinned lightly at me as she kicked open a door. She placed me on a old and hard bed. I looked around. The floors were scuffed and her blanket looked so old it was probably handed down for generations. She had clothes folded on a wooden chair that had one leg that was to short. Her walls had pieces of wall paper missing and curling. I looked back at her and the look on her face hurt my chest. She was embarrassed and ashamed.

“Sorry, I know it's nothing like you are used to.” She said lightly, almost inaudibly.

“I don't care, but I want you to spend the night with me.” I answered before I really thought it through.

“I don't know if I can control myself that long.” She whispered. I reached out and slowly unzipped her leather jacket, I pushed it off her shoulders, under it she wore only a white baggy shirt. I let my thumb caress her cheek and grinned as she closed her eyes, accepting my soft touch.

“You're not as bad as everyone says you are.” I whispered leaning in to softly kiss her lips.

“Sweetheart, you're making this really hard for me.” She whispered.

“Portia, my names Portia.” I said. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. Her eyes lighting up at this information. I reached for her shirt and pulled it over her head, exposing her breast. As I reached out to touch them she caught my wrist. She shook her head.

“Portia, let me help you get ready for bed, then I'm gonna go brush my teeth and wash my hair and I'll hold you until you fall asleep okay?” She asked lightly. I frowned at not being able to continue. “What do you normally sleep in?” She asked looking around as if trying to figure out what to offer me. I was going to respond truthfully and say PJ's but then the devious side of me that she brings out came out.

“Nothing.” I whispered and her eyes widened slightly as she gulped her throat and helped me stand. Her fingers were so gentle as she worked the button on my jeans as I pulled my own shirt over my head. Once she helped me step out of my jeans she let herself look over my body, now only wearing a bra and panties. I felt my body react to her gaze. I brought my hands back and pretended to be fighting with the clasp to my bra.

“Help?” I asked and she gulped again before nodding and unclipping the bra. Once she stepped back I let it hit the floor and she gasped at the sight. It was exhilarating. I had never shown anyone this much of my body and I could clearly see the effect I was having on her. Before I lost my nerve I reached for my panties and Ellen quickly turned around.

“I think you got it from here, I'm going to get ready, I'll be right back.” She said rushing out. I pouted slightly as I pulled my underwear to the floor and sat down on her bed, the material feeling rough on my soft skin. I waited for her on top of the blanket, she was taking a while and soon I was fighting the sleep that threatened to take over. I felt her trying to gently get the blanket from under me without waking me and I turned to see her. I was over taken by her, her hair was wet and messy, not greased back and it spiked up in all directions, she wore a tight black muscle shirt and black boxer shorts.

“I think you should take those off, it will be more comfortable.” I whispered, sleep evident in my voice. I scooted up so she could move the blankets down, once I was securely under them she stood and debated for a second, I could see her mind working the suggestion over. “Please?” I pleaded softly and she grinned slightly. She pulled her shirt over her head and slowly dropped her boxers. I was again surprised by her beauty. She wasn't beautiful in the traditional way, but her body was toned and strong, the muscles showing clearly from beneath her soft pale skin, I wanted to reach out and touch the outline of her abdomen or wrap my hand around her bicep, but I kept those urges to myself as she slid under the blanket.

“Good night Portia.” She whispered, I leaned forward and kissed her cheek lightly.

“Good night Ellen” I whispered, resting my head on her shoulder. She sighed and wrapped an arm around me and I snuggled closer to her so the length of our bodies were touching. Her body was solid against mine and she radiated heat. Her scent was soft and comforting, soon I was drifting to sleep against her.

I woke up to the feeling of a hard mattress underneath me and a pounding in my head. My stomach felt like it was at sea and that at any given moment I would vomit. The only thing that kept me from opening my eyes and rushing to the bathroom, was my lack of memory from the night before and the strong arm wrapped around my naked body and the warm skin of another's body pressed against my back. I tried to remember anything, all I could remember was Chad pulling me roughly back to him and then, black. I could tell this body was female and that was enough to tell me who I was with. Had I really gotten drunk then threw away my virginity to some... some... I wanted to say scumb but I couldn't force myself to classify her as that. I slowly moved as if not to wake her, I was hoping I could sneak out of bed and get dressed and run out before she woke up.

“How's your head?” She whispered and I groaned. I guess I wasn't getting away that easily.

“Terrible. If this is what alcohol does to you, why do people drink?” I asked and she scoffed.

“Are you telling me you never got drunk before last night?” Was she whispering because she was afraid of hurting my head? That was actually kind of sweet, but I couldn't think like that.

“Never. I can't remember anything. Did we...” I paused and she chuckled.

“No, we didn't. You wanted me to sleep naked with you, you said it was more comfortable. I wouldn't take advantage of you while you were drunk.” She said lightly and I laughed sarcastically.

“You expect me to believe that? I know who you-”

“You know about me. You don't know me Portia.” She interrupted and I gulped as the feeling of nausea stopped me from talking more. I put my hand to my mouth and Ellen jumped up quickly. The motion of the bed making me gag, it was all to much, I could feel it burning up my body, looking for an escape. Ellen slid a bucket beside the bed just in time for me to empty what was in my stomach into it. She held out a cup of water and I wanted to refuse, I wasn't used to water that looked so cloudy, but I figured it was better than the taste of vomit in my mouth. I quickly rinsed my mouth out and handed her back the cup.

“Tell me honestly then, you've never slept with a woman who was inebriated?” I asked, glaring up at her, even though it hurt my head. She looked sadly around her room. “That's what I thought.” I said looking at the floor where my clothes were discarded.

“You told me things last night you know? Like pretending to be who they want you to be.. Whats the point?” She asked and i scoffed, pulling my underwear on, trying to not expose to much of myself from under the blanket.

“If you had any family that you gave a shit about, you would understand. If you cared about your image at all, you would understand” I said, reaching for my bra, that seemed to be just a little bit to far away.

“I do care about my family. I stay here because my mom got so fucked up after my brother died of an overdose that she needs pills to get her through the day. It's kinda ironic don't you think, drugs killed my brother, not they keep my mom just barely existing here. What am I going to do about my image? I do what I have to but I'm not protected by money. No ones handing me expensive cars or luxuries. But you don't believe in all that stuff, you don't judge me like the others do. You are using that discrimination as a defence mechanism because you're afraid. You're afraid of how I make you feel. To be honest, I'm afraid to. You were right, I have a lot of women who I bed that mean nothing to me, because it's easier that way. But you, you don't mean nothing to me and that's scary. At least I can say that I don't have to lie to myself. I don't go out in public and fake who I am. I don't have a show boyfriend who tries to hit me when he's drinking, I don't have a fake smile and shake the hands of people I hate.” She ranted, pulling on her own shorts and a muscle shirt.

“Ellen, even if I wanted to... My family. I have to much to lose. I'm sorry about your brother and your mom... I... I can't be with someone from the other side of town, much less a woman. My families image...” I said lightly. It hurt my heart to much, I didn't want it to hurt this bad. She could see through it, she could see through my mean words and she could see who I really was.

“You kissed me last night” She said sitting on the edge of the bed. “It didn't feel like it was nothing to you, it didn't seem like you cared to much what your family thought at that moment.” She finished. I grinned slightly.

“I can't imagine I would have been able to think of much last night. Was I good at least?” I asked, wanting to try to bring our final goodbye to a lighter tone.

“The best I ever had.” Her voice was low, and she seemed quite sad. The tone of her voice drove right through my heart and I wanted to hold her. “But I'm assuming that this is goodbye.” She said, her voice faltering as she tried to sound strong, as if she truly didn't care.

“It has to be.” I whispered, wishing I didn't have to do this. She handed me my final two articles of clothing.

“Well then, thank you for the kiss, even if it was when you were really drunk. I have to go make my mom her tea.” Ellen said, standing suddenly. She quickly walked to the door.

“Ellen” I called shooting to my feet. She turned slightly, taking the time to look down my body, then return her gaze to my eyes sadly. “I'm sorry.” I said, my voice cracking. There was no other words I could use, it was all I had. She nodded.

“Hey, take care of yourself okay? And look, don't let him hit you. You don't deserve that. If he does, you know where I live now and where I work. I'll take care of it for you, no one will even know you told me alright? Stay safe and don't drive drunk, if you drink again.” She took a deep breath after her speech and walked out the door. I stood standing beside her bed and looked around her room. I pulled the rest of my clothes on then went to the chair with her clothes, on top was a note book with a pencil resting on it. I knew it was an invasion of privacy but I opened it. I flipped quickly through the pages, realizing it was a journal. Until I reached the night of the drive in.

When he raised his hand to her, It struck me as ridiculous that someone would want to hurt such perfection. I mean I know that sounds stupid coming from me, I've hurt plenty of people. I have to, to keep people afraid of me, to keep people from coming after me and to keep my mother safe from them. But she's so beautiful and I couldn't bear the sight of seeing anyone hurt her. Chris freaked out on me after for getting involved. He doesn't see why I would stand up for any of the riches. Normally I wouldn't either. There is something about her, that I immediately felt drawn to. I want to see her again, but how could I ever? She wouldn't embrace me, I'm not from her world. I'm not good enough. I'm dirt to her, if she ever came to me, it would be for the danger. I don't want to be danger for her, I want to be her peace, her safety. But I'm not, I'm the dirt that works at a gas station and greases back my hair. I'm from the side of town that is rotting quietly and no one cares to notice. I hope I scared him enough to never lay a hand on her. I hope she will be safe without me. I hope the sadness I saw in her eyes vanishes and never comes back.

I held a hand over my heart at her honest words to herself. She was truly an impressive person. Who was I to tear her down for being born into poverty? Why did we judge because our pay checks were significantly bigger? Why didn't we help them instead of fighting them? Lord knows we could afford it. We didn't need to spend all our money on pointless items while they watched the homes that surrounded them fall apart. I slowly placed the book down, not allowing myself to read more, she was already planted firmly in my head, I didn't need to know more that would break my heart. I slowly walked down the stairs and instead of walking to the door like I intended I walked quietly to the door frame of what appeared to be some kind of living room. Ellen kneeled in front of an aging woman who stared blankly at the wall ahead of her. She didn't notice me standing there and Ellen's back was towards me.

“Mama, are you going to talk to me today? I miss you Mama.” Ellen said sadly. Her mother didn't even acknowledge her presence. “Mama, I miss Vance too. It's been a year Mama. I need you too. Mama, please.” I could hear Ellen's voice cracking. It was immensely personal and I should have walked away but I couldn't.

“What do you do all night with those boys? Following your brother to the grave hm?” Her mothers voice was rough as if she hadn't spoken in ages. Ellen's sob at the words tore my heart in half.

“No Mama, I don't do drugs. I wouldn't do drugs, not after Vance. Mama, I won't even sell them to others for the money we need. Mama I promise you.” Ellen was crying.

“Just like him, you lie just like him.” her mother shook her head. Ellen kept whimpering the word 'no' over and over. Her mother's eyes snapped to me as she noticed my presence. “Who are you? What are you doing in my house?!” She shouted at me and Ellen's tear filled eyes turned back to me. I panicked, I looked around and searched for any excuse.

“It's okay Mama, I invited her over last night.” Ellen said, standing wiping her eyes. Her mother shook her head disapprovingly and went back to staring at the wall. Ellen walked towards me then lead me away from the room, back to in front of the door.

“I'm sorry, I should have just left, i just... I.. I...” I couldn't think of an excuse. I stared into her eyes, the sadness swimming in them was heart breaking. “I read what you wrote about me in your journal.” i said lightly. She took a step back and looked at the floor. It was such an intense invasion of privacy, I was sure this would finally be the thing that set off her temper.

“You don't have to worry about that.” She said lightly.

“I do though. Because you're right. It's not fair. I get things that are worth so much money that just sit around, never to be worn or used. But then you. You are struggling for the little things. The only thing that separates us, is money. The only reason I can't kiss you right now, while I'm sober, like I really want to, is money. Because if we didn't have any, I'm sure my father wouldn't give a fuck about our image.” The use of a cuss word was liberating, I felt like I was finally breaking free of my cage. Her eyes looked sadly to mine.

“Please, don't say things like that. Don't say you want to kiss me. It's already to hard, don't make it harder.” Ellen pleaded. The red around her eyes, making the blue so much more intense.

“I want you to be my safety, i want you to be peace. I really do.” I said, feeling my own tears well up.

“But you can't let me be, so why does it matter?” She asked clenching her fist at her sides. I looked around. I couldn't let her be because of other people. But that didn't make sense to me, I could do whatever I wanted when it came to myself. I could let her be if I wanted. I would have a lot more shit to deal with and it would be harder, but I would have her by my side protecting me wouldn't I? How bad could everything truly be if I had the most feared woman from the streets by my side? And did all the money truly matter at the end of the day, when I slept alone in my bed, lonely from all the lies I had to tell to keep it? Wouldn't loving someone truly make me more wealthy than the money ever could?

“It does matter Ellen. Doesn't what I want matter?” I asked. She shrugged lightly.

“If you could do anything about it, but whats the point of dwelling on something you can't change?” She asked me.

“I can change it.” I said defiantly, taking the step that closed the distance between us, pushing her back against the shaky railing of the stairs and claiming her lips in the most freeing and beautifully emotional kiss I've ever experienced.

 '

When our lips broke apart, Ellen's eyes were confused. She looked briefly to my lips and I had to grin at how cute her expression was. More like a kitten now then a tiger. I kept my hands on her strong arms and my body pushed against hers, keeping her pinned against the railing.

“You actually are a great kisser.” I said with a chuckle. She looked at me and slowly raised one eyebrow.

“Am I?” She asked.

“Let me just double check.” I said before kissing her with much less intensity then the first time. I could feel her arm muscles flexing and relaxing as if she was fighting something within herself. I knew I was sending mixed signals, I told her we had to say goodbye now I was initiating kisses. Once I broke the kiss again I slowly licked my lips. “Yup, you are.” I concluded, letting my hands slid down her arms to grab hold of her hands.

“I don't know whats happening.” She whispered and I chuckled.

“To be honest, neither do I. You're right, you make me feel things, and it terrifies me. I hate faking my life, but I never knew any other way. I still don't really. Theres so much I need to figure out. However, the one thing I do know for sure is that since the night of that stupid movie, I couldn't get you out of my head. I know I want you Ellen, as crazy and dangerous as that might be. But I don't know how to go about it right now, it's so much more complicated than it should be.” I complained resting my head on her strong shoulder, her arms wrapping around me, making me feel safe and protected. She smelt of cigarette smoke and cheap cologne, but somehow it was the most beautiful scent in the world to me.

“So am I just going to be the secret person in the background, that you run to when you need to get away?” She whispered. It hurt. I shook my head. I pulled back enough to look into her eyes.

“No, I want you to be my girlfriend.” At that line the fire in her eyes came back, and I had to smile at the feeling of her heart pounding against my own chest. “But I need you to understand some things Ellen. I can't just go home throw out all the images they have with me and present you to them, it could very well kill them. So yes, for a little while we would have to be a secret. Not because I'm ashamed of you, because if your serious about this, we have to do it right.” I said. Her eyes reflected the disappointment.

“Your boyfriend?” She asked.

“Chad, I have to keep him a little while longer. I can't let them know anything is different right now.” I whispered, my arms wrapping around her neck now.

“If you're going to be my girlfriend, I don't like the idea of him being all over you.” Ellen said, the danger in her voice evident.

“Baby, you've already seen more of me than he ever will. I barely have even kissed the boy. He's always just been for show.” I said, kissing her lightly.

“If he lays A hand on you, I'll kill him.” Ellen said, the look in her eyes easily showing me there was no joke in that statement.

“Don't worry about that, are you up to this?” I asked. I couldn't keep my lips off her smooth skin as i waited for her answer I kissed along her jawline. It was like I had broken free of my chains and now I was a wild animal on the loose.

“Yes.” She moaned, pushing her hips up against mine and causing a shock of pleasure to shoot through my body. I grabbed her face and kissed her roughly, pushing my hips roughly against her, not achieving the same shot of pleasure as she had given me. Her hands easily slid up the back of my shirt and her nails grazed the skin there, but not painfully.

“Lets go up to your room.” I said, while still trying to catch my breath.

“Wait, you said I saw more of you than Chad... Portia... Are you a virgin?” She asked lightly. I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I looked to the floor, would this make her abandon me completely? Since I was so inexperienced? “Portia, not here... not like this. I don't want your first time to be in some shitty house that's falling a part.” She said lightly. Her hands slid out from under my shirt and she smiled lightly at me. “I want it to be way more special than that.” She whispered.

“Can I just lie one more time and say I'm not a virgin?” I pleaded. Her laugh was loud and it echoed off the walls and I couldn't help but grin. She kissed me lightly once more.

“As much as I want to, no you can't. Besides, if you want to keep this secret for a bit, my friends will be coming over at any moment. I put your car in the garage so no one would touch it. I'll go out with you.” She said, sneaking me out of her house. Once we got to the slanted building with a garage door I looked around. There was weeds sticking out from the concrete at the bottom of the house, paint was chipped and the grass was a dull brown. It smelt badly like urine and booze. I watched Ellen unchain the door then with both biceps bulging she lifted it up over her head, revealing my car that looked terribly out of place. She walked me over to the door of my car and held it open for me. I grinned at her before sitting in the drivers seat.

“Come kiss me.” I said and she quickly came around the door to kneel outside my door, kissing me lightly. “I like your hair better without all the grease.” I said with a smile, ruffling her already messy hair.

“I have to fit in with my little gang, I guess were really aren't that different.” She said with a playful grin.

“I guess not. I'll see you later okay?” I asked leaning over to kiss her one last time. She nodded then shut the door to my car before waving lightly as I began to back up.

*

I had some how snuck into the house without my parents noticing. For some reason it's really heartbreaking when you have been out all night and your parents didn't even notice the absence of your car. On the other hand, I was thankful to get in without all the questions that would follow my late night adventure and also to get in a shower and a change of clothes.

I had just finished eating breakfast when Chad showed up at my house. He wanted to make sure I got home safe and when he leaned down to kiss me I quickly turned my head, I didn't want the feeling of my lips, still buzzing from Ellen's lips, to go away. My father invited Chad to come in and as they sat and talked to usual business talk I sat with mother at the table as she reorganized her recipes.

“Mom, do you think that the war between the other side of town and us will stop?” I asked lightly as I flipped through pages of recipes.

“Oh darling, I doubt those kinds will ever change.” She said with a cue of sadness to her voice.

“But the only problem is they don't have money mom, why don't we help them like build up their community, help rebuild homes. We already have to much money, we wouldn't be that different if we just helped them out a little bit would we?” I asked. Mom laughed.

“Oh honey, there is no such thing as to much money. We give them more than enough from what we pay in taxes. They are gangsters, criminals and that's all. You haven't been going around there have you Porshe?” Mom asked me and I shook my head.

“No, I just... I just don't like the idea of any human being having to live in poverty.” I said sadly.

“They choose it Portia. None of them care about anything but criminal things.” Mom scolded. I wanted to scream at her, to tell her the woman I had such strong feelings for didn't choose that life. I wanted to take her by the hand and show her the pain and suffering I had been just as blind to. But I couldn't. It would be to much and there would be no way she would accept us that way.

“Of course.” I said lightly. We sat in silence for the rest of the time it took us to sort through the pages.

*

I watched as Chad held the gas pump and I grinned at him, not because of the stupid pose he was making trying to be funny, but because he had no idea.

“I'll go in and pay for you.” I said as I began running into the store. Once I entered the store and Ellen looked up from her seat, she smiled at me, looking beside her at the boy with black greased back hair that I remembered from the drive in.

“Go out there and make sure everythings ok.” Ellen demanded.

“But-”

“Go!”

He quickly stood to his feet and gave me a dirty look, almost like a warning. I waited until he was out the door and slowly making his way to Chad before I walked slowly up to the counter.

“I'm here to pay for gas.” I said in my most seductive voice, she grinned slightly.

“For your boyfriend?” She asked.

“Well yeah, but more so to see my girlfriend.” I replied and she laughed. I leaned over the counter and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. It was exhilarating, because Chad could walk in at any moment and see me, with my lips on another woman's, and a woman from the wrong side of the tracks at that.

“I want to see you again soon. How do I see you without raising any kind of suspicion.” She asked. I looked around trying to figure something out. I kissed her lightly once more before answering.

“I'll come by here tonight, what time are you working until?” I asked.

“Two in the morning.” She responded.

“I'll give you a ride home. Then we can make out in my car” I teased handing her the money for the gas and kissing her slightly longer, until we heard the bell from the door ring. We jumped apart just in time before the black haired boy saw us. I winked at her as she told me to have a good day, and then I left, back into my fake life for a few more hours.

“Hey, how was your day?” I asked as Ellen climbed into my car. She smiled as I leaned over to quickly kiss her.

“It was alright. Better now.” She said as she grinned at me. I leaned over to the back seat and grabbed a container I had gotten from a restaurant earlier before coming to pick her up.

“I figured you would be hungry.” I said lightly, handing her the container. She looked curiously at me before opening it. She stared at the food for a while before finally speaking to me.

“Wow... Thanks... I don't think I've ever seen food that looked this pretty...” She said lightly. I grinned slightly as I looked down at the steamed vegetables and the grilled steak.

“Perks of having a lot of money.” I said barely above a whisper. She chuckled slightly.

“I wouldn't know.” She responded, picking up a bean and popping it in her mouth. “Holy fuck that taste amazing.”

“So it should.” I responded as I started to drive. “Where to darling?” I asked and placed a hand on her leg. She gave me directions to a park that would surely be deserted at this hour. By the time we had arrived Ellen had finished all the vegetables and was picking at the steak.

“It's a lot better warm.” I teased and she grinned slightly.

“Even cold, it taste better than anything I've ever eaten.” She responded. I leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“I'm glad you like it.” I whispered. She closed the container and put it on the dashboard before taking off her seat belt.

“Come with me.” She said. I followed her out into the park where we laid on the ground of the shaky play structure. We looked up at the stars and I cuddled closely to Ellen's side.

“Tell me about your brother.” I whispered, not wanting the loudness of my voice to pierce through the perfection of this moment. Ellen took a deep breath.

“He got into drugs-”

“Not what happened to him, what was he like? Who was he as a person.” I interrupted. I could tell Ellen was smiling as she thought of what to say.

“He was my hero growing up. Believe it or not, there was a time before everyone was afraid of me. Vance, he was the guy protecting me. He was so smart though. He could have been a doctor or something, if he didn't fall into the drugs and stuff. I remember when dad left, Vance was like 8. He would let me sleep in his bed cause I was so scared about what was going to happen to us. We already had very little money and with no dad.. Well it seemed impossible. Vance started working at the gas station after school. He took being the man of the family seriously. But it just wasn't enough. He started just dealing at first, but then... He started using. Drugs change people Porshe. Soon, he wasn't my protector, but my bully, He wasn't the man of the house, we didn't matter as much as getting high did. He started to lose weight quickly and it was scarier than dad leaving. I would hear him and Mama fighting. She would beg him to stop, but he would get mad and hit her like dad used to, or break everything in the room. I remember once I had stolen his stash and flushed it, He held me up against the wall by my throat and I was just looking in his eyes, hoping to see some glimpse of my brother. He was already dead by that point, long gone. If he never got into that, Vance could have gotten out of this shit hole. Been on your side of town.” Ellen's voice trailed off near the end and I could hear the sadness in it.

“Are you mad at him?” I whispered.

“I was for a little bit. Then I understood him. Once I got on the streets, I could understand the appeal. Hell, if I wasn't so fucked up because of what happened to Vance, It could have been me. He had to much on his plate, A family to take care of at such a young age. You see crazy shit out here. So much pain and devastation. Sometimes you need an escape. I turned to booze and women, Vance.. Well Vance took a more dangerous route with the drugs. It's easy to slip through the cracks here. No one is surprised when you fall from grace, in fact they are usually waiting for it. Vance was smart and had it all going for him, when he became another junky, people didn't even care. They knew it was only a matter of time before the real world out here knocked him down, reminded him who he really was. Just another hood rat.” Ellen said. I pulled myself as tight against her as I could, hoping to offer some sort of comfort.

“I think all of this social status is bullshit. I don't understand it. We are all people.” I whispered.

“Not in reality Porshe. In a perfect world, yes... but we don't live in a perfect world.” She said sadly. Her arm that was around me pushed against my back and she kissed my head lightly. “No matter what, no matter how gently you break the news to them, they aren't going to accept it. I'm dirt to them. Love doesn't matter, not from different worlds. And its not just them, it's this side too. I'm a sell out the second these people find out about us.” Ellen said lightly.

“Screw all of them.” I said in my most defiant tone. “I don't care about the money or their stupid dinner parties.”

“That's because you never lived without it.” Ellen whispered. “You never lived without security. It's not fun wondering if you are going to eat tomorrow, or if you will have hot water to shower in, hell if you will even have a home to go to.” Ellen finished.

“No, I haven't. But I do have some kind of power, I'm going to change this Ellen. I'm going to figure out a way to change things.” I said. Ellen laughed.

“Nothing you say can change the way they have thought for years.”

“No, but I know how they think. I've been conditioned for it. They only care about how they look to the public. If they think they are making themselves look good they will do anything.” I responded, a plan already being formed in my head.

“We don't want charity.” She said. I leaned up and looked down at her.

“Dont think of it as charity. Everyone needs a little help sometimes.” I whispered kissing her lips lightly. She easily pulled me on top of her and kissed me deeper.

“It is charity. No one here will accept it. They will be offended.” She whispered.

“If we fixed the schools, gave them the same things our schools have, scholarship programs, A youth center to keep kids off the streets, give people a fighting chance. It's a start.” I said and Ellen smiled at me.

“It sounds great but there is no way-”

“No that's where your wrong. There is a way. I'm the way. I'm always at those stupid parties as all these guys talk about spending money at all these places to get a cute little photo op to say they are good people. All I have to do is plant the idea.” I said excitedly. Ellen eyed me skeptically.

“Isn't it a little risky for you to draw attention to this side? Won't people question your interest?” Ellen asked.

“I can lie like a politician with those people. It's all fake. Everyone is fake. I know how to be one of them. I can do this Ellen, I'm sure I can.” I said excitedly kissing her.

“Just be careful.” She whispered.

*

I walked out of the school feeling exhausted. Staying out late with Ellen was going to be a problem for my education, but it was the only option I had at this point. Chad held my hand tightly as we walked across the front lawn.

“Hey! Rich boy!” The shout startled me and I turned quickly and my heart sank. The black haired boy from Ellen's gang was standing behind us shaking visibly, I wasn't sure if it was from fear- which would be reasonable since he was on our side of town alone, or if it was from rage.

“What are you doing on this side hood rat?” Chad growled as he let go of my hand and began to walk towards him.

“Chad let's go, ignore him.” I pleaded. I didn't want him to get hurt, I had no idea what had lead him to come here.

“What the hell are you doing? You can't beat Ellen on your own so you send your pretty little girlfriend to break her heart? Having her laying around in a park with her all night? Did you think no one would notice her there?” He shouted at Chad. My heart sank at his words and my head spun and only one word came to my mind. 'Fuck'

“What the hell are you trying to pull hood rat? My girlfriend is to good to hang around in any park with that scumb, right Porshe?” Chad asked turning to look at me. I was fighting my body to respond, I knew I needed to, but I couldn't find the strength to refer to Ellen as scumb, as dirt, as nothing. Ellen was so much more. I merely nodded and put my head down slowly.

“I saw her you idiot! You can't lie to me I fucking saw it.” He growled.

“Did you precious little dyke princess put you up to this? To make my girlfriend feel uncomfortable? I'll kill her-”

“Chad, stop... let's just go. It's pointless.” I pleaded. I looked at the dark haired boy. I knew he cared deeply about Ellen, he was the one always by her side. But he was risking everything.

“You're lucky pal, Go tell dyke queen to watch her back.” Chad growled.

“Only if you tell your girlfriend to stop sticking her face between her legs.” The boy responded. I charged forward and slapped him hard across his face. His dark hairs falling in his eyes.

“Hey! What the hell is going on?” Ellen's voice held me frozen to the spot. I couldn't look away from the boy whos face was still pointed towards the ground. “Chris.. Joe told me you came by here, what the hell are you doing?” Ellen asked, her voice in a low growl.

“Saying that he caught us together in the middle of the night or something. Tell him the truth Ellen...” I paused to look up at her, hoping she would read in my eyes. “Tell him thats not true.” I said. Not meaning the last time. Ellen took a deep breath as she stared back at me.

“I would never waste my time on a richie like you.” Ellen said, with as much spite as she could muster.

“El, I saw-” Chris began.

“Shut the fuck up Chris, you didn't see shit, because it didn't happen.” Ellen growled at him.

“I don't understand what the fuck is going on here.” Chad shouted as he wrapped an arm around my waist. I stared into Ellen's eyes sadly as her shoulders squared and her eyes became dangerous. She let herself stare at his arm wrapped securely around my waist.

“Nothing.” She said, her voice sounding as dead as her eyes looked. I tried to pull her attention to my eyes, to make her look at me so I could show her how I was feeling. “Chris let's go.” Ellen said turning to look at him. I watched as she grabbed his jacket and pulled him away with her. I wanted to run after her and kiss her, tell her I only want her hands on me. But I couldn't.

“Stupid fucking hood rats. Man they piss me off.” Chad growled.

*

I sped into the gas station and didn't bother trying to park normally. I slammed the car into park and jumped out slamming the door and storming in. Ellen looked up at the sound of the bell on the door but I was already charging for Chris. I grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pushed him against a wall. His hand raised and Ellen grabbed it in the air.

“What the hell were you trying to pull huh?” I asked slamming him against the wall again.

“Portia, let him go” Ellen said calmly.

“He could have ruined everything.” I shouted still glaring at him.

“Portia, he didn't know.” Ellen said letting go of his hand and pushing on my shoulder gently until she could squeeze herself between us. She was facing me and I could see the sadness in her eyes.

“Even if this is real, you two can't be together. It's like an unspoken rule. The streets will eat you alive El, and you. They will force you to go back or you'll lose your stupid perfect little life.” He shouted at us.

“I don't care, they can take it all. And there is nothing that they can do to Ellen. She can defend herself.” I shot back.

“Jesus Ellen.. Vance.. Vance might have done drugs but atleast-” Chris was cut off when Ellen spun around quickly and pushed him up against the wall again with her arm across his throat, leaning all her weight on him.

“Don't fucking talk about my brother okay? You'll keep your fucking mouth shut for now.” Ellen growled. I pulled against her shoulder when Chris started to choke. He leaned over once Ellen took a few angry steps backwards.

“It doesn't matter how long you wait. They will still come after you for turning on us.” He growled up at her.

“I didn't turn on anyone.” She shouted charging forward at him again. I stepped easily in front of her and she collided with my body, almost knocking me down until her hands grabbed me quickly.

“You care about her richie? Then why the fuck are you signing her death certificate by doing this? You can't protect her, your money is worth fuck all here.” He shouted.

“Stay out of it.” I growled back at him before looking at Ellen. I kissed her roughly before pulling back.

“I have to go home and get ready for the party before anyone realizes I'm gone.” I explained lightly. Kissing her quickly once more. “You kids play nice.” I finished.

*

I would rather be in that run down park with Ellen right now. But I had to play the part. I was more help in this position right now than I was on the streets. I smiled politely at the group of men my father sometimes did business with. They all came over to ask how I was doing and remind me of how much I had grown.

“Portia, your father says you seem to be preparing to get into the business.” Said Jack, one of my fathers old friends.

“It seems to be the path I'm on.” I smiled again, taking a sip of my water. Why did we use fancy glasses for water? “I would like to change a few things in this city.” I said easily. It was now or never and i relied on these men's curiosity.

“How would you like to change things?” He asked with a fake smile.

“I was thinking...” I paused trying to find the right words. “I mean, the people from the other side are always complaining about the lack of funding and how we never help them. What if we invested in their schools, built them up, stocked the libraries and started a scholarship program. Then maybe built a youth center and say we cared about the kids on the streets and stuff like that. It would be a great photo op, and they could never say that we didn't try to help.” I said. My heart was pounding as Jack's face wasn't smiling anymore and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“That's actually a good idea my dear. Shut those poor idiots up for good.” Jack said, his lips pursed as he thought. I forced a laugh.

“Of course, now add on top of that the news coverage it would get. You would be thought of as a saint.” I said and Jack smiled for real this time as the dollar signs flashed in his eyes. More publicity meant more money.

“My dear, would you mind maybe working with me on your off time to maybe make this possible. You seem to have put some thought into this.” Jack said, eyeing me to see if I would catch on to his plan to steal my spotlight from the issue, not knowing this was my plan all along.

“I think that's a splendid idea Jack. I would love to get the experience.” I said with a fake smile. He offered his hand and I shook it.

“What's happening here?” My father interrupted placing an arm around my shoulders and smiling down at me.

“Well Sir, you have raised quite an intelligent daughter. We have just struck a business deal.” Jack said with a large smile.

*

“I did it.” I said simply when Ellen answered the phone at the gas station.

“Portia?” She asked. “You did what?”

“Yeah, I did it. I meet with Jack after school tomorrow to draw up some plans for schools and look over the numbers and such. He's really interested in getting his name pumped up in the papers and I did it El! We're going to start with the schools, then the youth center. He wants to sit down and draw up what else we could do to look like we care about it. Ellen, things are going to change.” I gushed and was only met by silence. “Ellen... aren't you excited?” I asked slowly.

“Yeah, that's all great.” She responded.

“What's going on?” I asked.

“Chris... Chris told my dad... I didn't even know he was back in town before he came storming in here. I... I think this is very close to blowing up.” Ellen said lightly. I let out a gust of air as I sat and thought about what she said.

“What happened with you are your dad?” I whispered.

“He just kinda blew up you know. Talking about how I'll never be good enough for that life, god took the wrong kid and bullshit like that. Made a mess of the store and pushed me around a bit.” Ellen said flatly.

“Did he hit you?” I asked angerly.

“That's what he does Portia. Don't worry, I got a few good slugs in myself, It's just... I don't think this is going to be a secret for much longer.” She said lightly.

“I need it to be Ellen. This could all crumble if they find out I have alterior motives. We still need them right now.” I whispered.

“I don't know what to do.” She growled, the frustration evident in her voice.

“We'll figure something out... We have to...” I answered, but even though I tried to sound hopeful the feeling of dread filled my chest...

It had been a few weeks since I saw Ellen. We both agreed that it would be best if we let this die down. Everyday after school I would meet with Jack and we would discuss our plans. Today, Jack had got me out of school to accompany him to hand a check to the school for a photo op, he figured the kids might feel more comfortable talking to me for the cameras since I was their age.

The outfit i chose made my mother cringe. It was a simple pair of jeans and a white tee shirt. Mom called it yard work clothes. But I figured it would be easier to talk to them if I didn't appear to be looking down on them. I decided not to put on any make up and I got in my car.

Jack offered to drive me, figuring that I would be safer with him the whole time. But I knew I was safe. Dating Ellen made me feel like no one could touch me. I pulled up to the school and I smiled as I noticed Ellen standing near the doors taking a long drag from her cigarette. I got out of my car and slowly walked towards her. As she noticed me she looked to the ground and I felt the action strike in my chest. I stopped in front of her and observed the top of her head. Her hair was clean of grease and in it's messy natural way.

“What happened to greasing it back?” I asked lightly.

“I told you I didn't like it... I needed to fit in.” She said lightly, she then slowly looked up at me and it stuck my chest harder. Her face was bruised and she had a cut on her lip. “I don't really fit in anymore.” She said lightly. I took a step back as she pulled her classic leather jacket tighter around her shoulders.

“Is it safe for you to be here?” I whispered looking around for anyone who may be here to hurt her.

“I don't know, I just.. I wanted to see you.” Ellen said lightly.

“Portia! Starting the socializing early?” Jacks voice rang out and I automatically took another step back to ensure I wasn't standing to close, I looked over to Jack and smiled my normal smile. Jack's smile faltered as he noticed who I was talking to.

“I guess so.” I said cheerfully. He smiled and drapped an arm around me as he offered his hand to Ellen.

“I'm Jack Osburn, Portia is my partner in this operation.” Jack said. Ellen nodded as she took his hand and shook it. He smiled polietly, even though he immediately wiped his hand on his suit jacket. “Well Portia, we should get in there.” He said and I nodded.

“I'm just going to say goodbye.” I said. He nodded slowly before eyeing Ellen and walking away. Once he was inside the doors, Ellen slumped again before looking at me.

“Becareful okay? A lot of people aren't very impressed with you here.” Ellen said lightly. I nodded, taking the few steps forward to kiss her lightly. I could taste the dried blood on her lip and the cigarettes she had been smoking.

“I'll be fine.” I said lightly, kissing her quickly again. She smiled and squeezed my hand lightly before looking around to make sure I was safe.

“Well, I'm gonna hang around to make sure of that.” Ellen said.

“Don't you think you've got in enough brawls? Why don't you let me handle this one. I assure you, I'm very well protected here.” I said in my most playful voice that I could muster.

“I want to make sure of that.” Ellen said.

“Ellen, really. It kills me that I'm the reason for those marks on your face. Please don't put yourself in more danger for me.” I pleaded. Ellen's eyes shone with their brilliant intensity as she looked at me.

“Portia, in case you haven't realized.. My entire life is danger.”

*

I stood beside a girl who glared at me. I tried to smile at her as I began a conversation, but her glare never broke.

“What's your deal? Why are you settling for El? I mean I know first hand how talented she is in bed... but it's not like Ellen wouldn't be okay with a few rolls in the hay. Why commit yourself to her? With your fancy house and all your money, why settle for us scumb?” She asked in a threatening voice. Of course, the first person I talked to would be one of Ellen's ex lovers. I took a deep breath and made sure Jack was out of ear shot.

“Because I have feelings for her.” I answered easily. The girl laughed, taking a threatening step towards me.

“You're ashamed of her. You don't want anyone in your world to know.” She said simply.

“I can't yet. It will stop everything I have going on right now to help you guys.” I answered standing straighter and trying to square my shoulders the way I had seen Ellen do many times.

“We don't want your help.” She growled.

“That's enough Claire.” Ellen's voice behind me startled me. I turned slightly to look at her. Her shoulders squared in a way that I had yet to master, her eyes burning with an equal threat to this girl.

“I guess having that rich pussy has made you forgot who you really are.” She shot, I saw the slight step forward and quickly put a hand on Ellen's shoulder.

“It's fine El. Let it go. We get in a fight here and this all stops.” I said lightly. Ellen's breathing was ragged, her eyes burning with rage and I knew how short her temper was on normal circumstances, I could only imagine how it was now.

“Yeah Ellen, walk away before she chokes you with that short leash you're on.” Claire teased. I glared back at her before pushing Ellen gently away. She began walking backwards, not breaking eye contact with her.

“Whens the last time you slept with her?” I asked, feeling anxious for the answer. Ellen's eyes ripped from her and looked curiously at me.

“What did she tell you? It was before we got together. The night of the drive in, thats the last time. I haven't slept with anyone since we got together I swear. They're going to tell you anything to destroy-” Ellen began.

“Ellen she just told me she had slept with you before, she didn't tell me when. It was my own curiosity.” I said lightly. Ellen nodded lightly and looked around. She took a deep breath and looked down.

“You better move on, big shot over there is watching us.” Ellen mumbled. I growled lightly. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her close to me and gaurd her from the pain she must be going through. But I slowly walked past her, letting my hand touch her back lightly as I walked away. I smiled politely at a younger boy with longer brown hair that hung in his eyes. He returned my smile slowly. I offered my hand as I introduced myself.

*

“See you soon aye Porshe?” Jack asked as he sat down in the driver seat of his car.

“Yes sir, I'll see you tomorrow.” I said with a smile. I stood by his car and waved as he left. I waited until he was gone before dropping my arm. I heard light footsteps behind me and I smiled.

“So I guess this means we finally get to spend some time alone.” I said looking at the road that Jack had just disappeared on. When Ellen didn't respond I turned with a look of concern that quickly faded into fear. There stood a group of people, in the center was Chris.

“You seem to be all alone richie.” Chris teased. The group crowded around me and I sighed. This was ridiculous.

“You know, you talk about our side. You know we're so rich and judgemental, but Jesus Chris boys, you are pretty damn judgemental yourselves. What because my parents are rich I can't possibly have feelings for someone from this side? Who are we really hurting huh? Cause it seems like you guys are doing all the hurting. I saw Ellen's face. It seems like you never cared for her at all.” I said, attempting at the shoulder squaring again. Chris laughed loudly but I saw a few guys look around at each other.

“Hey!” Ellen's voice rang out as she pushed her way through the crowd, once she got to me her face displaying her worry, she gathered me in her arms. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” She asked rushed, pulling me back to inspect me again before pulling me back against her.

“No, I'm fine.” I said lightly.

“Get out of here Degeneres, before you get it again.” One of the boys growled at her. Ellen's body became rigid as she let me go slowly.

“I'll hold them off, you get in your car and get out of here.” She whispered.

“No, We're in this together.” I said defiantly. Ellen shook her head.

“There will be no way to keep it a secret if-”

“I don't care anymore.” I growled.

“Come on' El, get out of here.” One of the guys said as he grabbed her shoulder and Ellen quickly turned around and her knuckles landed hard on the side of his jaw, the sound of a loud pop filling my ears. There was a moment pause before everyone jumped to action. Two guys grabbed my arms and pulled me back holding my arms securely.

“Watch. Watch what you're doing to her” Chris growled in my ear. I had no choice. I was being held there, watching the boys surround Ellen. I couldn't see her but I knew that when their fist rushed down, they were hitting hard into her skin. I knew that the sickening sounds of thumps and pops and the shouts of pain were Ellen's.

“Stop them, please stop them.” I cried. Tears leaking down my face. One guy shouted loudly and turned away holding his hand, I saw blood leaking out from his own grasp. I struggled against the arms holding me. Every one took a step away from Ellen and I could see her clearly now. Her lip bleeding again, her cheek glowing purple and her eyes burning like a wild animal again, but most shockingly, she held a pocket knife firmly in her hand, the blade pointing at anyone who was to close.

“Let her go.” She demanded and the grip holding me back loosened. I quickly ran into Ellen's arm, as she held me close and pointed the knife outward.

“Let's go to my car.” I said with a slight whimper to my voice from the crying. She nodded. We slowly edged our way to my car, her knife pointing out until I was safely in the front seat and she had slid into the passenger seat. Once she shut her door I quickly locked the doors and turned on the engine.

“Are you okay?” I asked as I began backing out of the group that surrounded my car.

“Yes.” She said simply.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” I asked.

“No.” She answered. Once we were on the road I looked over at her slowly. I knew what I was about to do would blow up in my face, I knew that I couldn't keep this a secret anymore if I did this. But it was for Ellen's safety.

“We're going to get your mother. Pack whatever you can't live without. It's not safe for you here right now.” I stated, turning quickly to get on route to Ellen's house.

“Where would we go Portia.” Ellen asked exasperated.

“I got that, don't worry about it. Just pack.” I demanded.

“I can't accept that Portia.” Ellen sad sadly.

“They are going to kill you Ellen.” I said loudly. “Just for a while okay? Please, just do this for me, please.” I pleaded. Ellen looked directly ahead.

“You know you can't do this... Your parents will freak.” Ellen said.

“I don't care.” I parked outside her house. “Go pack for you and your mother.” I said. Ellen sighed and looked out of her window sadly. She nodded slowly.

*

Ellen stood awkwardly beside me at the desk of one of the hotels my father owned. The girl behind the counter smiled broadly at me. I leaned over to her. She had been my good friend since childhood, I didn't know how she would react but if anyone would be understanding it would be her.

“Lynn, I need a big favour.” I said barely above a whisper. Her smile dropped and her eyes slid cautiously over to Ellen. She nodded slowly. “Look, It's a long story, But to sum it up... I'm dating Ellen and shes in trouble so I want to pay for her room here... I was hoping you could forget to mention to my father that I was here.” I whispered and Lynn looked at me confused.

“I thought you were dating...” Her sentance trailed off as realization dawned on her. She looked back to Ellen who was looking away now. Lynn smiled at me. “We need to get together soon yeah?” She asked and I smiled back and nodded.

“You have my number.” I said. She smiled brightly.

“Last name darling.” Lynn smiled at Ellen who looked to the floor and mumbled the last name. I placed my hand on Ellen's as she grudgingly answered the questions. When Lynn said the high price that came with my father's hotels Ellen's eyes widened at me. I wrote a cheque quickly and Lynn accepted it and quickly stamped it and put it in the cash. She turned and grabbed the two keys for Ellen and her mother.

“Call me tonight alright.” I said simply turning and grabbing Ellen's hand. We walked back to her mother who seemed to be in a confused haze. I spun in front of Ellen and kissed her lightly. “I'll see you soon okay? I'll give you a call in a bit to make sure you settled in alright?” I asked and Ellen nodded slightly. “It's going to be okay.” I whispered and kissed her once more before waving quickly to her mother and leaving the building.

I pulled up outside of the hotel and quickly gathered my things. I walked inside and Lynn smiled broadly at me. She rushed around the counter and landed into my arms in a tight hug. She pulled back and looked at me.

“Tell me everything.” She said with a grin.

“I will at dinner... but first I want to run up and say hi to her.” I said and she grinned slightly.

“Room 304.” She told me and I nodded slightly before hugging her tightly and turning towards the stairs. I ran up and easily knocked on the door.

“Ellen, it's me.” I called through the door. The door swung open and I flew into her arms. I kissed her hard, but she was slow to respond. I pulled back and looked at her, she seemed sad.

“This is huge... It's bigger then our place.” She said sadly. “It's so expensive Portia... I don't-” She continued.

“Stop, this is nothing to me. I care about you and I would rather you safe. I'm just going to dinner with Lynn and then I'm going to come to spend some time with you okay? I just needed to kiss you before I left.” I said. She nodded slightly. “It's just for a little bit El... Let it die down.” I said softly and she nodded.

“Mama loves the tub here.” Her voice sounded as if she was speaking to someone who wasn't really here. I smiled and pecked her lips.

“Good. I'm going to get someone to send you up some supper okay?” I asked and she nodded slightly. I touched her bruised face lightly and then softly kissed the cut on her lip. “I'll see you in a bit.” I said softly and turned to leave, stopping at the door to give her one last loving look before disappearing down to the front desk.

“Portia? What are you doing here?” My father asked as he came in from outside. “I saw your car.” He stated.

“I'm here to pick up Lynn.” I said simply with a shrug. My father smiled at Lynn and offered her a little wave. I stepped closer to Lynn and barely above a whisper, asked her to send Ellen and her mother supper. Lynn nodded and wrote down the order. I walked towards my father and hugged him tightly as Lynn went about her work to get Ellen's food.

“How was the day in the other side today sweetheart? Did anything bad happen?” He asked his strong arms holding me against his chest.

“No daddy, It was really great.” I said sweetly. He nodded and kissed my head.

“You girls get out of here, the other men will be here soon. We have a business meeting. I nodded and kissed my father's cheek.

“Love you daddy.” I called as Lynn and I rushed out.

*

I picked at my food as she stared intently at me. I sighed and finally looked up into her curious eyes.

“So Chad is a cover until you figure out what to do...” She said to herself in thought. “So tell me... Did you lose it to her?” She asked barely above a whisper. I felt the blush creep up my face as I slowly shook my head.

“I threw myself at her, but she wants my first time to be special” I whispered. Lynn placed a hand over her chest.

“That's sweet. Is it different kissing a girl?” She asked and I grinned.

“I can't even explain it Lynn. It's incredible. Her lips are so soft and I feel it everywhere.” I gushed. Lynn smiled slightly.

“But she's one of them.. Isn't it a bit reckless to trust your heart to her?” Lynn asked. I shook my head.

“She's not like what people think of them. It's need. They struggle for the things we take for granted. It's tragic.” I said sadly.

“You love her.” Lynn whispered. Slowly I nodded. “What do you need from me then? I'll do my best to help.” She said sitting back in her chair. I grinned.

“How do you feel about activism?”

*

I knocked on the door and Ellen almost immediately answered it. Her eyes quickly landed on Lynn then looked skeptically to me. I stepped forward and kissed her lightly. She looked at me curiously.

“Lynn and I have talked. She is okay with us.” I whispered. Ellen nodded.

“More than okay really. I'm happy for you two.” Lynn said offering Ellen a sincere smile. Ellen's shoulders slumped slightly from their defensive posture.

“I was just sitting with Mama.” Ellen said lightly. We all took a seat with Ellen's Mama who was looking down at her lap. I sat between Ellen's Mama and Ellen on the couch and Lynn sat across on the arm chair.

“Do you want to tell her?” I whispered to Ellen. She shrugged lightly.

“Is it okay with you?” She whispered back. I nodded. Ellen leaned over and put a hand on my thigh.

“Mama?” She asked lightly. Ellen's mom slowly looked away from whatever was so riveting on her lap.

“Is it time for my pills?” She asked. Her voice was so far away it seemed. I felt Ellen's hand tighten for a second then she slowly shook her head.

“No Mama, you just had some...” She said sadly. Her mama slowly nodded and looked back at her lap. “Mama, I want to tell you something... can you listen to me?” Ellen asked. Her mama looked quickly to Ellen and then back to her legs.

“How did you afford this hotel Ellen? Are you selling drugs like Vance?” She asked. Ellen's body sunk in defeat.

“No, I paid for it for you guys. It's my father's hotel and I wanted you guys to have a relaxing couple of weeks. Ellen has been working really hard at the gas station and I thought you two deserved a break.” I explained and Ellen looked at me and forced a smile.

“Who are you?” She asked. Her eyes landing on me for the first time.

“I'm Portia De Rossi. I'm dating your daughter.” I said simply, placing my hand on Ellen's. Betty looked at Ellen and then back at me as if trying to process this information.

“De Rossi... Your family is rich... What do you expect to get from my daughter? There can't be anything she could have to offer that you can't get on your own... She is like her brother isn't she?” She asked me.

“Your right. She is very much like him.” I said simply and Ellen's shoulders rose back into their defensive position. “She's incredibly smart, I think given the right resources she could do amazing things, She's so protective it borders on insanity. She cares a lot about the people she's close to. So in that sense she is very much like your son. I think that's a testament to the way you raised your children. However, if you mean that she is like the drugs that destroyed your son then I have to disagree. I think Ellen's aversion to drugs could be considered inspirational. She has personally told me how much they disgust her because of what she watched her brother go through. I know that you are suffering incredibly from the loss of your son and my sincerest apologies for your loss... but you still have an incredible daughter that you haven't been giving a chance. To answer your question of why I want to be with your daughter, well for the reasons I've said. She's an amazing person and she makes me feel amazing just being in her company. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping here, but what is the difference of dying from drugs and existing relying on them to take the pain away?” I asked. Ellen's hand tightened on my thigh with my last point.

Ellen's Mama looked at her hands that were twisted around each other the whole time I spoke and now her hands gripped roughly at the other.

“I appreciate your generosity with the room.” She said simply. “Ellen, I would like to go to bed.” She said. Ellen quickly stood and helped her mother to her feet. Her mother leaned on her and Ellen began walking slowly with her. Mama placed her hand on Ellen's face.

“You're a good girl Ellen.” She said softly. I saw the slight watering of Ellen's eyes before she bowed her head and took her Mama to one of the two bedrooms in the hotel. I looked at Lynn who looked at me wide eyed.

“That was ballsy.” Lynn said lightly. I nodded slightly. She smiled and stood.

“I'm going to give you two some time alone. We need to spend more time together... Well I guess I will be seeing you more often now.” She said with a slight grin.

“I guess you will.” I agreed standing to hug her before walking her out. Once i shut the door and turned I saw Ellen standing awkwardly in the sitting room.

“Thank you for what you said about me.” She said softly.

“I meant all of it darling.” I said walking slowly over to her. I kissed her lightly and she wrapped her arms tightly around me.

“I did something earlier.” She whispered and I tilted my head slowly.

“What did you do?” i asked. She took my hand and lead me to the door of her room. I looked at her curiously.

“I had some time while you were at dinner... I kind of...” She stopped and opened the door. There was unlit candles littered around the room and flowers scattered around that I knew were ripped from the plants around the hall ways. I turned to Ellen and pulled her tightly to me.

“It's beautiful El.” I whispered. I kissed her and pushed her back against the door, licking her lip, asking for entrance. Her mouth accepting my tongue and I moaned at the feeling. She slowly pulled back and smiled lightly.

“I'm gonna light the candles.” She said lightly. I smiled nodded. She slowly slid out from my grasp. She went around the room and lit the candles and I slowly stripped down to my underwear. She turned and her breath caught in her throat.

“Come here.” She said lightly. I quickly rushed forward and jumped into her arms, my lips crashing to hers. Her arms wrapped tightly around my waist holding me up. Our tongues swirling in each others mouths as she placed me lightly on the bed. I grabbed her shirt and easily pulled it over her head and groaped at her breast beneath her muscle shirt. She kissed my neck lightly and I gasped at the feeling of heat that was quickly spreading through my body. I reached for the button on her jeans and she grabbed my wrist pinning them above my head, shaking her head slowly.

“Tonight's about you baby.” She said softly pecking my lips. I pouted.

“I wanna touch you too.” I protested.

“You have everyday after tonight to touch me. Tonight is about you.” She repeated, kissing my nose. She slowly kissed down my neck as her hands traveled slowly around my body, as if trying to feel every inch of me and burn it into her memory. I moaned lightly as her palms closed over my breast, over my bra. I arched my back so she could unhook it, but her hands went to the small of my back and her hands slowly inched their way up my back until they reached the clasp. She easily unhooked it then her hands went up slowly to cup my shoulders and slowly slid down my arms, taking my bra with her. Once she pushed it off the bed her hands closed over the bare skin of my breast and sucked my nipple into her warm mouth.

I groaned at the feeling of her tongue swirling around my nipple and my hips rose on their own accord. Her hands resting on my lower abdomen feeling my hips raise and twist with each skillful flick of her tongue. I ran my fingers through her hair as she switched to my other nipple giving it the same attention.

Soon her hands went lower and rubbed against the material of my soaked panties and the jolt of pleasure surprised me as my hips jumped up on their own as a gush of air shot from my lungs. She moaned at this and kissed down my stomach, planting a soft kiss to the same spot her hand had just touched and my head rolled back at the feeling. I had never felt anything that felt so exquisite. Her thumbs hooked on my panties and she let her hands touch all the way down my legs as she pulled them off. Her hands went back to my legs feeling every muscle that tightened from her touch. Once she got back to the place that craved most for her touch, she kissed right above where my body screamed for her. Her tongue lightly touched me and I lost all coherent thought from my need. My hands tangled in her hair as I rose my hips to meet her tongue. She pulled back slightly continuing her slow and light torture.

“God you taste so good.” Ellen moaned against me and I whimpered from my need. Her fingers slowly stroked me. My legs spread wider for her. Her fingers placed gently at my entrance. She stopped and I groaned, waiting for the feeling of losing my innocence. “Look at me Portia.” Ellen's voice was light and loving. I quickly looked down at her, her fingers sliding in me slowly and gently. The feeling was overwhelming and my mouth fell open at the intense feeling. Once her fingers reached as deep as they would go I let out the air that I didn't notice I was holding.

Once she let my body adjust to her she slowly started pumping her fingers in me and her mouth closed over my clit again. My body thrashed violently against her, not used to dealing with so much sensations. Ellen's loving touch didn't falter in the least as my body reacted to her, her tongue only flicking quicker and her fingers speeding up as well.

“Ellen, I cant! I can't take anymore!” I shouted the feeling incredibly overwhelming, but she didn't slow or stop. Her fingers began to press against the inside of me harder with each thrust and then like being hit by a truck, the lights flashed before my eyes and my body arched up and a scream escaped my mouth, the warmth that spread through my veins before didn't even compare to the heat that spread through them now. “Fuck!” I cussed as my hands pulled at Ellen's hair as her fingers and tongue continued working my body through this beautiful explosion in my body. “Ellen! I love you!” I shouted as my body crashed to the bed. Her motions immediately stopped as those words left my mouth and for a second I feared that I had revealed it to quickly. Her fingers slowly left my body and I missed them immediately. My body still shuddering from the intense feeling. She slowly crawled back up to me wrapping her arms tightly around me, stroking my hair, waiting for my body to come back down.

Once I had regained my breath and controlled my shaking slightly, I looked at Ellen. Her eyes had been watching my face intently. I nuzzled closer to her and she pulled me tightly against her again.

“Did you mean it?” She whispered.

“That I love you? Completely.” I whispered back.

“I love you too.” She said kissing my head.

I woke up and I was way to hot. My skin sticking to whatever was pressed against it. Why was I naked? Then last night rushed into my memory and I opened my eyes. The thing that was stuck to me was my incredible girlfriend. She was sleeping soundly, her breathing deep. I took this moment to drink in her beauty. Her hair pointing in every direction, as it seemed to do naturally, her strong jaw line and intense features. I let my finger lightly touch her jaw and traced it down to her chin. She slowly smiled and I was greeted by the intense blue of her eyes.

“Good morning beautiful.” She said, her voice husky with sleep.

“Good morning darling.” I replied kissing her lips lightly. Suddenly panic set in. I had stayed here all night, on a school night none-the-less. Ellen must have realized my panic cause she sat up and glanced at the alarm clock.

“Shit I'm late getting Mama her pills and stuff.” Ellen said. She turned and looked down my body as I kicked the blankets off.

“I'm late for school.” I said, but the way Ellen didn't move a single muscle and her eyes taking in every inch of me in the morning light kept me frozen to the bed. I could feel the blush burning in my chest and seeming to spread over my entire body. Her tongue slowly exited her mouth as she licked her dry lips. The movement so slow and subtle. I pushed myself up and sat over her and crashed our lips together. Our kiss was instantly feverish. Her arms came around my back pulling me closer against her as our mouths fought.

My hands on her strong shoulders, the room's smell of flowers and the lingering smell of last nights love making only adding to the sensation. She had created a demon in me. I couldn't imagine a life where I lived without her touch. She easily flipped us over so she was ontop of me and her hips rested between my legs. Her hands closed over my breast and I gasped. I began shaking my head.

“No, no, you told me I could have you.” I said, pushing on her strong shoulders trying to flip us back over. God damn she was strong.

“You do have me.” She teased before nipping at my neck.

“I wanna make love to you.” I moaned as her tongue flicked on my pulse point. Her mouth froze for a second. She leaned up and looked at me with a fire in those tiger like eyes of hers.

“We wouldn't have time.” She said.

“Oh, but you have time to make love to me?” I asked. She gave me a small grin.

“Yeah, see. The second you touch me, neither one of us are getting out of bed today. And aren't you in enough-” She was cut off by my hand cupping her sex. Her breath hissing through her teeth.

“You were saying?” I asked. I was amazed at just how incredibly wet she was, but I was trying hard to not show it. I suddenly realized, I truly did have no idea what I was doing. She had been so skilled in making love to me, what would happen if I was just a huge disappointment and she went back to the girls who were just as skilled as her. I couldn't afford to think like that. I had to pretend this was nothing new to me.

She crashed our lips together and this time when I pushed up against her, she allowed me to flip us over. My fingers stroking the length of her smooth wet folds. I was a smart girl, I would just follow her bodies cues. I noticed that when my fingers would stroke to the top, her hips would jump. Of course that would be from how intense the clit felt pleasure. I noticed how when my fingers froze slightly at her entrence she would hold her breath in anticipation, then when I moved on she would growl lowly. But more importantly, I noticed that with every movement, she seemed to get wetter and wetter. It seemed impossible to me.

“Please Portia, I'm dying.” She groaned raising her hips once my fingers came close to entering her again. I was nervous, I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't want to suck either. I slowly slid two fingers inside her and the air hissed between her teeth again as her hips rose to try to get more of me inside her. It's a beautiful feeling, to be connected this way to someone you love. She was so wet and searingly hot. Her hips began to move slowly, and I took this cue to mean to begin moving inside her. I remembered how she had made love to me, I watched my fingers slid in and out of her and I slid down. Her scent was intoxicating and the sight of my fingers filling her was erotic, but there was a moment of panic again, so far everything else seemed okay, but what if I hated the way she tasted. I didn't dwell on it long. I slowly licked her clit and her hips reacted aggressively, but more importantly, I didn't hate the way she tasted, in fact I absolutly loved it. I began using my mouth on her, not for her pleasure, but for my own. My mouth and tongue working her body so I could taste her sweet taste. It was a while before I realized that Ellen was speaking. She was actually shouting, profanities and my name and her hips were bouncing wildly. I couldn't stop, It was like I was possesed and her juices just kept gushing in my mouth. I only stopped when her hands groped my hair and pulled me away from her.

When I finally looked at her, her body was shaking, her chest rising and falling rapidly and her face a dark shade of red. I wiped my mouth with my arm and slowly snuggled into her side.

“You taste amazing.” I whispered, hiding my face into the crook of her neck.

“Where did you learn to do that. I just came so many fucking times.” She groaned. I smiled, glad that I was apparently a natural at eating pussy.

“I learned from the best I guess.” I said kissing her cheek.

“I know I said I'd keep you in bed all day, but fuck, I don't think I could handle you all day.” She said and I laughed. I snuggled closer to her and let my body relax in her strong arms. Her body would shudder every now and again but she seemed to be calming down, her breathing returning to normal.

I don't know how long we were laying there in complete silence, but I was startled when our peace was broken by a light knock on the door and Ellen's mothers voice calling for her. I felt incredibly embarrassed, there was no way she didn't hear us. It was bad enough I had spoke so openly to her last night, now I would have to face her, with her daughters arousal still on my skin.

“Mama, I'll be out in a second.” Ellen called, suddenly jumping into action. She stood beside the bed, in all her naked glory and looked sadly at me. “I would love to spend all day in bed with you, but sadly I don't think that will be an option for a little while.” She said and I slowly nodded.

“You're right. I should probably go to school, I'm going to be in enough trouble just from going missing for a night, my parents might die from a heart attack if I also missed school.” I said sliding from the bed. Ellen groaned as she looked down my body again. She went to crawl over the bed to me but I stepped back. “We have to go remember?” I teased picking up my disgarded clothing.

“What if I promise to do it quick?” She asked sitting on the bed and I smiled at her.

“I would still want you to cuddle me after.” I said. She pouted and after I put my jeans on over my underwear, then clipped my bra, I leaned over and kissed her lovingly. “Get dressed babe.” I said before throwing a shirt on. Ellen quickly dressed then walked out to her Mama in the sitting room while I ducked into the bathroom to clean up quickly.

I walked out into the sitting room and Ellen was no where to be seen, her mother sitting there by herself. I looked at her then looked around to see if I could find any clues of where Ellen was.

“I asked her to go get ice. I wanted to speak with you.” She said. Her voice was gravelly, but I assumed it was from the years she didn't speak much, but she was here. She must not have taken any pills today. I nodded slowly before taking a seat.

“You say you love my daughter?” She asked, her back straightening.

“Very much.” I whispered.

“I hope you are being truthful. Ellen has dealt with far to much in her life. How did your parents take it?” She asked. I looked down and away from her. “You didn't tell them...” She concluded.

“I want to. But this stupid world I've been born into. They are so judgemental. My mother and father won't give a damn that I love her. It wouldn't look good in their party's if their daughter was a lesbian then add on top of that with someone who doesn't have so much money they have no idea what to do with it.”

Ellen's mom looked sadly at me then she motioned for me to get closer. I slowly scooted closer to her and her hand cupped my face.

“They will react whichever way they do. It is you who has to live with the choices you make in this life, not them. One day they will pass on and your life won't matter where they are going in the sky. You will have to live with the life you made yourself. It is your happiness that is the question here. You are a smart young girl. If you so choose to love my daughter, I would be proud to accept you into the family. But you must choose. I've lost so much time... Tell me, What does Ellen do out there?” She asked, her voice becoming low with sadness.

“She survives. She is a hell of a fighter. She's got a lot of hurt, but she doesn't touch drugs.” I said lightly.

“What happened to her face?” She asked lightly.

“My side of town isn't the only ones that are judgemental about us being together.” I responded and her eyes filled with sadness.

“That's why we are here isn't it?” She asked.

The door opened and Ellen looked startled as she came in and saw us sitting so close together. Ellen slowly placed the ice container on the counter and came over to us.

“I was just giving this young lady my blessing.” Ellen's mama said, tapping my cheek lightly before dropping her hand back to her side. Ellen looked questioningly at me.

“She's okay with us being together babe.” I explained and Ellen grinned at her mother. “But I'll let you two chat, I need to run to school.” I said standing and Ellen walked me to the door. She kissed me lightly before opening the door.

“Have a good half day at school.” She teased and I kissed her once more before waving by to her and her mom. I tried to sneak out quickly but was stopped by George, who was working the front desk.

“Young Ms. De Rossi, your father has been worried sick looking for you! Stay right there while I call him down.” George called and my heart dropped, pounding against my chest, I was looking for any excuse, but I couldn't seem to find one.

“Yes sir, I stopped her on her way out of the hotel. No I didn't see her come in, she must have spent the night. Yes sir, I'll tell her. Thank you.” George hung up the phone then looked at me.

“Your father would like to see you upstairs in his office.” George said looking back down. I slowly turned on my heel and went back. I took my time climbing the stairs, dreading the moment I would reach his office. When I looked down the long hall to his office, I saw him standing at the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” His voice bounced off the walls and stung in my ears. “You stayed out all night? With who? Chad?” He asked, pulling me by the arm and slamming the door shut behind us, before pushing me down on a chair. “Answer me!” He shouted.

“No! I wasn't with Chad!” I shouted back and my fathers eyes burned into mine.

“Don't you lie to me! What room did you two stay in last night? I will kill him for taking my little girls innocence!” My father shouted while pacing the room.

“Fucking listen to me!” I screamed and my father stopped and his eyes widened in shock, then the rage set in. I squared my shoulders as I stood. “I wasn't with Chad father, I don't love Chad, I never did. I stayed with him to fit into your stupid social roles. In fact father, I don't even love men. But I've been to afraid to tell you guys that because I know how much your stupid money and status means to you.” I ranted at my father and he grabbed my shoulders.

“You spent the night in a room with Lynn?” He asked in shock. I pulled back from his tight grasp.

“No! Lynn will forever just be a friend. I spent the night in a room with my girlfriend and her mother.” I said and my father seemed to be battling anger and confusion.

“We can't let this get out. Oh Portia, why you? You were such a good girl.” My father said sadly.

“No, I wasn't daddy. I wasn't me. I was what I was told to be and I was terribly unhappy. Ellen makes me feel-”

“Ellen? Oh no my girl. No! Jack warned me that you two seemed close at the school. Oh Portia, What are you thinking. No. I forbid you to see her. She's trouble. She's using you for your money.” My father scolded.

“Is she? Then why did she stand up for me in front of her whole gang and then took the beating that was meant for me. Cause right now she's all black and blue, but she only did that because she's hoping for a paycheck? She threw away any sense of security in her life because of a paycheck? Come on daddy, you have to be smarter than them. Listen to me please. Daddy, I love her!” I don't know at what point I began crying, but I was now aware of the moisture leaking from my eyes.

“Is she still here in this hotel?” He growled.

“I paid for a room, the full price, for her and her mother for a little while, to keep them out of danger.” I explained. My father began to push past me and I clung to his arm in desperation. “Daddy please!” I cried.

“They need to leave, and I forbid you from seeing that scum ever again!” My father shouted at me, and before I could think clearly, my palm landed hard across his cheek.

“If you kick Ellen out of this hotel, If you forbid me from seeing her, I'll leave this family. I'll choose her over you.” I said. My heart pounded wildly against my chest and my body shook with a mixture of fear and anger. He straightened out his back and looked down at me.

“Why don't we go talk to your mother about all this.” 

The car ride to my house was quiet. I had sat at my fathers desk, crying lightly, as he called my mother to inform her that we would be coming home for a family discussion. I sat in the luxery car for a few moments longer. My father came around the car and opened the door. I figured that this might actually be the last time I have any kind of luxery. They wouldn't kick me out, I knew that... But I would leave and be with Ellen. Ellen's Mama was right, this was about my happiness.

I took a deep breath, and thought of those eyes that burned so dangerously when confronted and prayed for her strength. In my best attempt to date, I mimicked her strong posture as I stood out of the car. Instead of following my father like the weak little girl I always played, I walked around him and walked straight into the house. My new strong exterior faltered when I saw my older brother sitting on the couch next to my mother.

“Well Geez Porshe, I was wondering when you would stop being perfect.” He teased. I tried to battle it, to remain strong, but I cracked and rushed to my brother. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me down protectively onto his lap. “What did you do?” He asked ruffling my hair.

“Where was she?” My mother asked my father and he shook his head disappointed and sat on the arm-chair.

“With Ellen Degeneres” My fathers voice was deep with his disapproval.

“My girlfriend.” I added. My brothers arms loosened around me.

“Vance's little sister?” He asked lightly. I swung around to look at him.

“You knew Vance?” I asked and he slowly pushed me off his lap. He got up and paced the floor.

“Where is she?” He asked angerly.

“At the hotel, courtesy of our daughter apparently” My father said with a snide huff.

“Oh Portia!” My mother shouted.

“Yeah, I spent the night with my girlfriend in a hotel, because she defeneded me and shes not safe in her own end of town anymore. And I love her, you guys don't know her. You know rumours and so did I when I first met her when that boy you guys love so much attacked her and her friends. Oh and by the way, She's the one that protected me from him that night when he tried to hit me. Thats right, your beloved future son-in-law actually really enjoys pushing me around when I wont sleep with him or dont do exactly what he wants-”

“Portia stop!” Michael shouted at me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Let me take her for a ride Mom, I'll talk some sense into her I promise.” He said.

“Don't let her out of your sight Michael” My father boomed. Michael grabbed me by my shoulder and drug me out of the house. He opened my door and pushed me down into the car. I was scared, my brother was being rough with me.

“Mike please. Listen to me.” I said as the tears began flowing again. I was prepared for my parents disapproval and anger, I wasn't ready for my big brothers.

“Stop talking Portia.” He growled. I lowered my head and cried into my hands. I knew he was going to make me take him to her. I would be the reason she would be hurt again, but I wasn't so sure she would be hurt. Ellen could fight one on one, I knew that. I loved them both and it would be my fault that one of them would get hurt.

We stopped outside the hotel and Michael pulled me out of the car and I wordlessly started walking to Ellen's door, knowing what he wanted of me. I stopped outside and turned to him, my eyes red from the tears.

“Mike please dont do this. I love her so much, please Mike.” I pleaded and he looked at the door and landed his fist hard on the door. I leaned back against the wall feeling weak. I aggressively wiped the tears from my eyes. I hoped beyond hope that Ellen wouldn't answer the door, that she would pretend she was out. But it was to hopeful. The door swung open and Ellen was standing there, in her blank muscle shirt and jeans. My heart sank as I saw her. Her eyes landed on me and she quickly rushed over to me, but my brother easily pulled her back. His hands gripping her shirt as he lifted her up against the wall. Ellen was struggling, only her toes touching the floor.

“Michael! Please Stop!” I screamed, hoping for any kind of attention to stop my brother.

“Portia, shut up!” Mike shouted back at me. “Degeneres, Do you love my sister?” The question didn't seem aggressive on it's own, but his voice did. I hoped she would say no, because I feared what he would do if she said-

“Yes!” Ellen shouted, she wasn't struggling anymore, just staring down at him with her angry eyes.

“Are you using?” He growled. I suddenly realized, this wasn't my brother being unaccepting, this was the same protective brother I always had. I felt the air return to my lungs as Ellen looked at him confused.

“No...” Her voice was much softer now, with her confusion.

“I swear to god Degeneres, I find out you're using, I will lay a beating on you. You better treat my sister with respect, you got me?” His voice was still aggressive as he shook her.

“Of course...” Ellen was still trying to figure out what was happening. He placed her back on the ground and she quickly smoothed out her shirt. He watched her for a moment then looked at me as he took a step back, giving me permission to rush into her arms. Once Ellen's strong arms were holding me close, I felt the tension of all this drama seep from my body.

“I knew your brother Ellen. I met him at the drive-in one night. He was a good guy, I used to give him my books when I was done with them. Until he started using. I'm serious, you better not put my sister through that.” His tone wasn't angry anymore but it was still strong. I felt Ellen's arms tighten around me.

“You knew Vance?” Her voice was weak. I knew this was her weakest subject. Ellen could handle anything, but her brother was a soft spot. Mike nodded and I nuzzled my face into Ellen's neck, kissing her pulse point lightly and taking in her scent.

“We hung out for a while. He told me about your dad leaving and stuff. How he had to be the man you know. I heard about you too. How he worried about how you would turn out and all that you dealt with. He was very fond of you. I'm sorry I couldn't save him.” Mike's voice was soft now. I could feel Ellen's body fighting the emotions she felt. “Porshe, dad and mom are never going to lighten up on this. What's your plan? They know now...” Mike asked.

“I'm going to leave.” I said simply and Ellen pulled away from me.

“Leave? Portia, I can't let you throw everything you have away for me.” Her eyes spoke of her worry for me.

“Stay out of it Degeneres.” My brother said, but his voice was playful. “They won't let you take anything. Not your car, or your books. They will drain your bank and make your life as hard as possible to make you come crawling back to them.” He explained.

“I know. I'll survive.” I stated simply, trying to get back in Ellen's arms but she was keeping me an arms length away shaking her head.

“Tell them you broke up with me and we'll keep it a secret again.” Ellen said, the panic in her voice.

“Ellen, they won't keep their eyes off me for a long while. I don't need their money, I need you.” I said, finally getting frustrated of being held away from her, I knocked her hands off my shoulders and stepped into her, kissing her lips lightly.

“I... I can't give you the life you are used to.” Ellen whispered. I laughed lightly.

“Thank god, because in case you forgot, I was terribly unhappy.” I said, running my fingers through her hair.

“I can't buy fancy looking food, or anything you want at the drop of a hat.” She continued.

“Ellen all that doesn't mean anything. I'll eat bugs off the damn floor if I have to. I love you, I want to be with you. I dont care what anyone says. Can you please just accept that?” I asked. Ellen stared into my eyes looking for any hint of a lie in them, but she wouldn't find it. Slowly she nodded.

“We can go back to my place.. We can stay there.” Ellen said lightly. The thought worried me as suddenly I realized, I had no way to protect her anymore. Mike nodded and offered to help pack up and bring us all back to Ellen's house.

*

Ellen helped her Mama out of the car and Mike held my arm to keep me sitting next to him. We waited until Ellen had helped her mother into the house and we were truly alone. Mike opened his wallet and began counting out some money.

“Mike no, It's okay-” I began

“Porshe, It's not like they are cutting me off. I just have to say you ran off with Ellen. I'll get a little bit of trouble but it's nothing compared to the anger they will feel to you. Take the money. You guys need it, fix up the house or something. I'm here for a few weeks, I'll swing by when it's safe to do so. Be safe Portia. Don't call the house, i'll come to you.” Mike explained. He thrust the money into my hand and I felt my eyes water.

“Mike, I love you so much.” I said and he pulled me tightly against him.

“Be brave Portia.” He whispered in my ear and I chuckled through my tears.

“I think my girlfriend is brave enough for the both of us.” He grinned at me.

“Yeah, she sure is a spit fire huh?” He said and I nodded and gave him a sad smile.

“I'll see you soon Mike.” I said and he nodded. I helped Ellen drag the bags out of the car and then waved to my brother as he drove off. Ellen watched me for a while as I stared to where my brother's car disappeared into the distance. Finally as I looked to Ellen, she gave me a playful grin and ran her hand through my hair.

“How do you feel about greasing your hair?”

I woke up and immediately knew Ellen wasn't in bed with me, mainly because I was so bloody cold. I sat up and pulled the ratty old blanket up to my shoulders. I looked around Ellen's messy room and noticed a note on the pillow.

Good morning baby, I picked up an extra shift at the gas station. I'll see you when I get home. I love you Portia. -Ellen DG

I smiled and clutched the note to my chest. I got out of bed and found one of Ellen's muscle shirts and a pair of old sweat pants. I hopped down the stairs to check on Mama. She was in the kitchen scrubbing the top of the stove. I was worried because she looked pale.

“Mrs. Degeneres... Are you okay?” I asked lightly. She turned to look at me.

“No, I feel terrible. I've been sick so many times this morning and all I want is to take another pill. I just been cleaning to keep my mind off of it and for god sakes, you're living in my house and dating my daughter, you can call me Mama too you know?” She stated and I smiled.

“We should clean up this place while Ellen's at work. I'll pick us all up something to eat.” I stated and Mama smiled at me tapping my cheek.

“Sweetie, you are not rich anymore. You can't just order in all the time, we will make something for her.” Mama responded and I looked sadly to the floor.

“I never learned how to cook, oddly enough. My mom was always preaching that I needed to be this perfect woman in the kitchen and taking care of the house, but she never actually taught me to cook.” I said sadly.

“Well I'll teach you. But that's later, we will go to the market together and pick up some things. For now let's get this house cleaned.” Mama finished by turning back to the stove and I smiled as I walked up behind her and hugged her tightly.

“Thank you Mama” I whispered, kissing her cheek. I turned on my heel and walked up to Ellen's room. I stood for a second and then began picking through her clothes scattered in piles. I would smell them and if they smelt dirty, I would shoot them into the hall. I smiled as I picked up a red bandanna. I flipped it over a few times in my hand. I smelt it before getting ready to discard it, but it smelt so intensely of Ellen, that I couldn't throw it into the dirty pile so I folded it up before wrapping it around my head to keep my hair out of my face. I grinned as I imagined what I looked like, with a white muscle shirt, stained grey sweat pants and a red bandanna around my head, that all belonged to my girlfriend.

I went back to my assault on Ellen's room and after a couple hours, I had the clean clothes folded on her bed, which I had made, and the floor swept and the wooden chair pushed into a corner. I debated opening the journal again and finding more of my loves thoughts, but instead I placed it on the chair in the corner.

I walked down stairs and Mama was sweeping up the living room, the appliances in the kitchen were spotless and the floor had no dust on it. I looked around the freshly cleaned house. Mama smiled at me.

“I see you are stealing my daughters style” She teased.

“I guess so... My brother gave me some money, and he said he's going to swing by again. Maybe I can recruit his help and we can renovate a little bit.” I said looking curiously around the room.

“Oh honey, I couldn't let you spend your money on that. I know you are not used to it, but it will go quickly” Mama said placing her hand on my cheek.

“It's fine, I'll figure it out.”

“We should go to the market.” Mama picked up a leather jacket from the back of her chair. “Since you are being Ellen today, you should put this on” She handed the jacket to me and I slid it easily over my shoulders.

“Do you think I'll fit in?” I said with a small grin. Mama was staring at me and her face looked thoughtful. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable. “What?” I asked.

“I'm so glad Ellen found a woman who makes her as happy as you do.” She said. “Oh hell, we better go before this old lady gets to sappy” She said and took my arm in hers, leading me out.

*

I placed the plates on the table just as Ellen walked into the house. I stood proudly by the table as she walked into the kitchen. She had a silly grin on her face when she saw me.

“You ladies have been busy today huh?” She asked as she walked up to me, wrapping an arm around my back and pulling me close and kissing my lips lightly. “You look good in my clothes.” She whispered against my lips.

“Alright you two, let's sit down and eat, you have all night to smootch.” Mama said pulling out her chair. Ellen pulled out a chair and motioned for me to sit. I grinned and kissed her cheek lightly before sitting.

Ellen told us about her day, which was fairly uneventful. A couple of the guys had come by the station and stared her down, but no one attacked her. I shuddered at the thought of her getting hurt again. She must have noticed because she reached across the table and grasped my hand. She smiled lightly at me and I grinned back.

“I love you” She stated and I blushed, fully aware of her mother sitting at the end of the table.

“I love you too.” I whispered, feeling my face burn. Ellen smiled and pulled my hand to her lips and kissing it lightly.

*

Ellen pulled me tighter against her as we sat at the park, looking out at the stars. Her arms wrapped around my waist tightly as I sat pressed up against her, between her legs. She rested her head on my shoulder and I could feel her warm breath down my neck.

“I can't believe you threw everything away to be with me.” She whispered. I smiled up at the stars.

“I feel like I gained way more than I lost.” I said lightly, turning my head to kiss her cheek. She grinned. I felt her arms tighten around me again and I couldn't possibly feel any safer. I sat up so I could turn in her arms. I pushed her back until she laid down on the play structure and I held myself up over her. I kissed her lips lightly. She grinned at me mischievously. She flipped us over easily until I was under her and she kissed me roughly. I groaned at the taste of her lips. The monster inside me craved her touch again, in all my intimate area's. I arched my back searching for contact with her. The slamming of a car door broke me out of my trace, as Ellen immediately jumped to her feet.

“Degeneres! Hands off my girl!” I could tell it was Chad, just from his angry voice, I could also tell he had been drinking.

“She's not your girl anymore.” Ellen growled. I slowly stood beside Ellen and grabbed onto her arm. Chad stopped walking towards us and shrugged his shoulders at me.

“What the hell are you doing Porshe? Giving up everything you had, to let this scumbag feel you up in a dirty park as if you were as trashy as her.” Chad said and grinned his cocky smile. I stomped towards him and I could feel Ellen keeping pace behind me. Once I got in front of him I slapped him hard.

“Don't talk about my GIRLFRIEND that way.” I shouted, making sure to emphasize the fact she was my girlfriend. Chad reached out and grabbed my arms pulling me roughly to him, trapping me in his arms. I pounded on his chest.

“Let her go!” Ellen shouted pulling on his strong arms.

“You want to be treated like a slut, I can do that.” Chad growled, kissing my lips and forcing his tongue in my mouth, I bit down hard on his intruding tongue. He shouted and tried to pull away, I could taste his blood in my mouth, but I needed to make sure he felt it and wouldn't forget it. I didn't want him to ever try this again. Finally I let go of his tongue and spit his blood back at him. He stumbled away from us and I fell back into Ellen's strong arms.

“What the fuck, you fucking bitch!” Chad shouted even though his speach was slurred.

“Are you okay?” Ellen whispered in my ear and I nodded. She pushed me away far enough to spin me around and inspect the damage. She wiped the blood from my lips and kissed my head. I held onto her jacket, afraid if I let her go she would bolt away and kill Chad.

Chad was still screaming, but I couldn't focus on his words because there was something in Ellen's eyes that scared me. It wasn't her normal fierce tiger eyes, It was something more. More predatory then I had ever seen, the eyes of a tiger about to pounce on its prey, the eyes of a killer.

“El, I'm okay, lets just leave.” I whispered, tugging on her jacket.

“let go for a second.” Her voice was to calm, as if at any moment the storm would hit.

“No, take me home.” I said, pulling harder on her jacket. Suddenly Ellen's arms were around me and she pulled us to the ground, with me under her. Over her shoulder I could see Chad, a knife in his hand. Suddenly Ellen's weight wasn't on me anymore and she was on Chad in seconds. Her fist hitting his face a few times before prying the knife from his hand. She raised the knife above her head and my heart dropped. I couldn't lose her, she couldn't get arrested. Her arm began to fall.

“Ellen!”

I heard it connect with his skin, but more so I felt it in my heart. The knife rose in the air again and the blood dripped from it and I felt my knees weaken. Please God, no.

“Ellen” I called, but my voice was so weak now. The knife fell from her hand and I watched the bloody instrument bounce on the soil a few times before finally resting. I looked back to Ellen, where her hand stayed high above her head as if she would bring it down in another strike. I walked to her on shaky legs and took her raised hand and used it to spin her around to me. I pulled her tightly into me as I looked over her shoulder to assess the damage. The blood sputtered from his chest, dripping down his clothes.

“Flesh wound. He wont die” Ellen's voice sounded dead and it scared me.

“Okay... Okay lets go home.” I whispered clinging to her jacket again. I pulled on the leather as I took a step back. Ellen followed as if she was on auto-pilot. I grabbed her hand tightly as I quickly manuevered us out of the park. My heart pounded hard in my chest and I fought my urge to cry. I knew Chad, I knew that life, I knew this wouldn't just go over.

“We need to hide. We need to get out of here.” I whispered urgently. She slowly shook her head.

“We have no where to go Porshe.” She said sadly.

“We can't go home. We need to find somewhere to go and figure this out.” I whispered. The tears were burning in my eyes. Ellen took a deep breath and fished out a pack of cigarettes from her jacket.

“There's no where to go” She repeated as she flicked the match down the back of it's pack and the fire sparked to life. I watched it burn into the end out her cigarette and the match itself begin to desintergrate under the heat of the flame. I suddenly felt angry at Ellen, how could she risk everything? I gave up everything for her and she threw it away in one moment of rage! It was as if she were the match, the second her anger sparked the flame in her, she allowed it to slowly burn her away. The very anger that showed in her eyes, that made me fall in love with her, was leading to her self destruction. And what was I? Soley collatoral damage.

“He'll call the police. What were you thinking?” I shouted at her. I pushed her angerly and her eyes turned up to me as the cigarette fell from her mouth from the force of my push. What I saw in them made me stop myself from advancing, made me shiver to the core of my being. She had never looked at me with those eyes. The anger of an unpredictable wild creature, an untameable beast capable of ending lives. For the first time, the eyes of the tiger were directed at me and it froze everything inside me.

“I was thinking of protecting you, all I ever thought about was protecting you.” She growled she slowly began walking around me. A predator circling its prey and I was defenseless so I just stood there, waiting for her to pounce. “I warned you, I told you everything you were giving up to be with me. I'm sorry it's not as glamourous as you thought it would be.” She growled.

“I didn't think you getting arrested was in the mix.” I whispered. She laughed, a throaty sarcastic laugh.

“It's always in the mix. I told you around here you do what you have to to survive. If I end up in jail, thats a small price.” She was still pacing in circles around me and my heart pounded harder and harder with every step she took. I had never been on this side. Never had I been the defenseless prey and I hated it.

“You didn't have to try to kill him!” I shouted, trying to show her she wasn't the one in control, but when she took a quick step towards me I coward down, expecting her to strike.

“Do you think I wanted to? I couldn't think! I was so scared of him hurting you! I just reacted! I didn't have time to think, I had to protect you!” She yelled. The fear in her eyes was begining to mix with the rage. Suddenly I understood why she was acting this way, she was scared and confused. She was directing her anger at me because she had no idea where else to direct it. I took the final two steps and crashed my lips to Ellen's.

“You need to get out of here. I'll take care of Mama for a bit then you can come back when all this calms down.” I said, hoping beyond hope that this would calm down.

“It won't Porshe. Dont you get it. They live for stuff like this. They'll lock me away forever, self defense or not. I'm the scumb of this and he's the pretty boy. God they will hit me with the books even harder because I took their perfect pretty little girl and brought her over here-”

“They pushed me over here!” I shouted.

“They don't see it like that. They see it as my fault. No matter how long or how far I run, they will find me. We can't avoid it.” Ellen said sadly. I grabbed her face and crashed our lips together. Her arms wrapped around my back as she pushed me up against the grimy old brick in the ally way we had ducked into. I pulled her tightly against me as I kissed her hard and her hands pulled my hips roughly against hers. I moaned loudly.

“I want to take you dancing, before they find me.” She whispered against my lips.

“I hardly look appropriate enough to go out dancing.” I whispered back, biting her lip lightly.

“You look perfect.” She whispered. Before I had really thought about anything that just happened Ellen was dragging me down the streets excitedly. She stopped outside of the smokey bar and I could hear Elvis' “All Shook Up” playing loudly inside. Through the smokey fog I could see couples dancing excitedly together. I reached behind my head to tighten my bandana and took Ellen's hand as she led me through the smoke. Suddenly we stopped and Ellen was spinning me around in her strong arms, guiding my every movement. At first I was scared and awkward, but soon I was laughing along with Ellen and stealing kisses when I could. Ellen had seemed to master Elvis' hip thrust and I would over exaggerate fanning myself.

I couldn't tell you exactly how long we were up there dancing, but I can tell you a bunch of songs passed and when we finally fell against the bar, I could barely breathe. Ellen ordered two drinks and I almost spit it out when I tasted the harsh alcohol.

“The very thing that brought us together.” She joked, clinking her glass against mine before downing half of the clear liquid.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I teased, taking another little sip.

“Do I have to?” She asked and I smiled bringing my lips within a inch of hers.

“No.” I whispered. Just when I was about to bring her lips to mine-

“Ellen!” A familiar voice shouted. I turned and saw Chris. Ellen was on her feet and shoulders squared ready for anything when Chris stopped infront of her. “You stabbed him?” He whispered urgently. “The cops are everywhere looking for you.” He whispered slightly louder. He looked past Ellen at me and Ellen stood up taller.

“Degeneres... Is she really one of us now? Did she really throw it all away?” He whispered and Ellen gave him a stiff nod. I stood up behind Ellen and placed my hands on her shoulders.

“I'm sorry.” He said towards me. “Jim said he saw you come in here, so I came as fast as I could. You can come down to the old hang out and think of something-” He began.

“Why do you care now?” Ellen shot. Chris looked confused.

“I always cared I just... I had to try my best to keep rich girl from hurting you..” He said sadly.

“Get lost Chris.” Ellen growled turning her back to him and I hugged her tightly watching Chris stand awkwardly behind her.

“Ellen, you kinda need us right now.” He said lightly and my eyes fell to the floor. I knew it was true, the only hope Ellen had at this point was her old resources. I also knew her pride would stand in the way.

“Ellen.. Maybe you should at least listen to what he has to say.” I said lightly, running my fingers through her hair. Ellen grunted just loud enough that I could hear her over the music. “Please, It may be our only option.” I whispered in her ear. I pulled back so we could look into eachothers eyes. She nodded slightly after a few seconds.

“Lets go.” She said simply. I followed closly behind her, my hand clasped in hers as we followed Chris out.

*

Ellen and I walked back into her house quickly. The boys were supposed to meet her here and take her out of town for a few days. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. These were the same boys who had beaten her not that long ago. I had felt their glares on me. I knew part of them blamed me for all this trouble. I blamed myself somewhat to. It was my old problems that had caused this.

Ellen was stuffing clothes into a bag quickly when Chris came up. He stood by the door and coughed awkwardly.

“We got to run El.” He said glancing at his watch. I took a deep breath and pulled her to me and hugged her tightly.

“I love you so much Ellen. Don't worry I'll take care of Mama. I love you, I love you.” I cried softly on her shoulder as she held me tightly. I kissed her roughly and she looked into my eyes.

“I love you too. Be safe okay?” She asked touching my face lightly. I nodded.

“El, seriously we got to go.” Chris said and Ellen took a deep breath and turned away. I held onto her hand tightly as we went down the stairs. Chris opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. My heart caught in my throat when I saw my father standing there with a cop standing behind him.

“Well that was easier than even I expected.” He joked turning to the cop. The cop took a step forward and grabbed Ellen's leather jacket by the shoulder, spinning her easily against the wall. He roughly took her hands and placed cuffs on them. Ellen struggled slightly. I couldn't think clearly, I was paniking. She was right, they would hit her with everything. My father would be sure of that. I would never see her again.

“I stabbed him! It was me!” I shouted suddenly. “And.. And if that bastard put his hands on me again I would do it again.” I continued. The cop looked strangely at me. “And if he really thinks putting Ellen in jail for it will make me go back out with him, he's wrong.” words kept flying out of my mouth and Ellen was shouting at me to stop. I was shaking. I was in such a desprate state. I grabbed the cops uniform roughly trying to pull him off Ellen.

“Portia!” My fathers arms were around my waist and pulling me away, out of arm reach of Ellen. I struggled against him, hitting him with my feet, elbows anything I could connect with his body. Chris easily slid around the cop and connected a strong fist to the side of my fathers head. I hit the ground and before I could think of anything more than 'If Ellen's going to jail, she's not going alone' I charged at the cop and landed my fist to the side of his face a few times before I was pinned against the wall beside Ellen.

“What the fuck are you thinking. Portia no! Portia why?” Ellen was freaking out, struggling against the cuffs trying to get free. I felt the cold metal bite into my skin and I gasped at the feeling. I was really going to jail. Suddenly my panic was much worse. I was going to jail...

One phone call.. Thats all you get. I called my brother. He told me that Dad froze his account so he couldn't bail me out. My father hoped jail time would make me forget that my heart was with Ellen. I had a couple of bunk mates. There was Jessica, she was in here for selling drugs. She was top bunk and under here was Kim, she was in here for attempting to kill her boyfriends mistress. Then Cheryl, she was in the bunk under mine and she was here for armed robbery. I wanted Ellen. These girls all looked and probably were way tougher than me and with out Ellen by my side I felt vulnerable.

“Having troubles pretty girl?” Jessica asked as I struggled to make my top bunk without disturbing Cheryl. They eyed me like a piece of meat and I shuddered when I felt her hand graze my lower back.

“N...No” I stuttered and gulped back at the lump in my throat.

“She's probably not used to making beds. Did you have a maid do it for you sweetheart?” Kim mocked me.

“They don't put rich girls in here Kim, they are above the law” Cheryl laughed. “So what's your deal pretty girl? Prostitute?” She asked with a grin.

“Look at her, she screams rich girl. Did you really piss daddy off?” kim teased.

“Don't listen to them.” Jessica said as she easily spun me around and trapped me between her huge biceps. “You can be my girl.” Jessica purred. My heart pounded in my chest as her hand cupped my hip and she thrust her hips against mine.

“No thank you.” I said trying to take a step back.

“They'll eat a pretty girl like you alive out there.” She warned with a grin, tightening her grip on my hip. I could tell that when she let go it would probably form a bruise. I did not look forward to having to tell Ellen why.

“My girlfriend won't let that happen.” I whispered.

“Oh! And who would your girlfriend be?” Jessica asked, a challenge flashing in her eyes.

“Ellen Degeneres” I said, I realized my back straightened and my chest puffed out in pride as I spoke her name. Jessica's smile faltered.

“El's in here?” She asked and I tilted my head slightly. “And you're the richie she's been dating? Shit no wonder your dad threw you in here.” Jessica laughed. “It's to bad Ellen's such a good friend of mine-” She said as she twirled a strand of my hair between her finger tips. “Or else you would be mine.” She finished and gave me one last thrust of her hips before turning away from me.

“How do you know Ellen?” I questioned.

“Oh, I knew Vance very well. A faithful customer.” She chuckled as she pulled herself back onto her bunk. “Loved his sister very very much.” She finished with a shrug. I couldn't see Ellen liking Jess very very much once she found out who she was.

“Be careful though. Cause little defenseless girls like yourself will be all over someone who can protect them like Ellen can. And I know Ellen's track record with women. Hope youre not the jealous type. The rules are different in here.” Cheryl warned. I climbed up onto my bunk and closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to listen to them anymore. I wanted to go back. I wanted to be in Ellen's arms. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

*

When I walked into the cafeteria my eyes searched quickly for Ellen. I was tired, I had woken up every half hour or so through the night, I just wanted to find Ellen and hide in her arms for a while. I finally spotted her. I rushed over to her and once she saw me she jumped up from where she was sitting. I collided hard with her body, not even taking a second glance at the girls she was sitting with. Her arms clasped tightly around my body.

“Are you okay?” She whispered and I shook my head against her shoulder. Breathing in her scent, letting her take over my senses. She always could make me feel safe. “What the hell were you thinking babe? You could be safe at home right now.” She growled. I pulled back enough to kiss her hard on the lips. The room erupted with hoots and hollars and soon the guards were banging sticks on the tables and shouting at us to separate.

“I couldn't let you come here alone.” I said as I took a step back.

“I can handle this place. I worry that you can't.” She said simply, pointing to a chair beside her own. I sat down and placed my hand on her thigh, needing to have some kind of contact with her.

“I guess you're going to have to teach me” I said simply looking around at the angry and tough looking women that sat with Ellen.

“It's not taught Porshe, you either have it inside you or you don't.” Ellen whispered.

“It seems like you're losing it Degeneres” One of the girls teased and Ellen glared at her.

“Don't worry to much, any friend of Ellen's is a friend of ours.” one of the women shrugged., I forced a smile at her and wrapped my hands tightly around Ellens arm and leaned my head on her shoulder. I could feel how tense she was but i knew it was from her need to keep me safe.

“Hey there pretty girl” I heard shouted. I looked away to see Jess sliding in across the table. She stuffed a bite of stale toast into her mouth. I heard the low growl in Ellen's throat and I felt the muscles under my hands tighten and bulge. “Don't worry Degeneres, we're just cell mates.” Jess said rolling her eyes. Ellen didn't relax however as she sized up Jess.

“I'm yours.” I whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek lightly and Ellen slowly relaxed offering me her cup of Jello, the least disgusting looking thing they were serving. I shook my head but when she held the spoon to my lips I didn't fight it. The cherry taste filled my mouth and I savored it as long as I could. We continued taking turns eating a spoonful of Jello until it was all gone.

“So, Degeneres...” Jess said as she inspected her fingernails. Ellen immediately tensed up as she was addressed and I glared across the table at my cell mate. “How long do you think it will take before all these little bitches that will come crawling to you will corrupt your currently committed relationship?” She asked nonchalantly. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up at the question. I hated to admit that I feared that moment. Ellen shot up and suddenly my hands weren't on her anymore as she tried to dive across the table at Jess. Hands grabbed Ellen and pulled her back as I sat completely stunned at the outburst.

“Don't worry pretty girl, I'll be here for you.” She said winking at me.

“Fuck you” Ellen shouted struggling against the hands holding her back. I stared at the table, nervous with all this chaos around me. Suddenly guards surrounded our table.

“Problem ladies?” One asked and I looked up at Jess who smiled at me.

“Nope, I was just leaving.” She said and gave me a wink and Ellen a sly smile before standing and walking away. The guards watched Ellen as she shrugged off the hands that were holding her and dropped herself back down beside me. Her eyes dangerous like I knew they would be the whole time we were here.

“Stay the fuck away from her.” Ellen grumbled as the guards slowly walked around the cafeteria.

“Why would you think for even a second I would want to be anywhere around her.” I whispered and Ellen shrugged not looking at me.

*

Time passed slowly in this place. I had gotten a job in the laundry room. Folding laundry, which was only more time spent with Jessica. I had figured out that she was trying to get in my head. I tried to ignore it, but it was hard. With Ellen being so distant with me since we got here and the angry and defensive act that was back worse than ever. I hadn't had much problems. I guess having such a respected girlfriend in this place really was working out for me. If only Jess wasn't respected for her ability to sneak in drugs. She would often squeeze by me, obviously touching me in any way she could and no one would do anything to protect me from her. It made me feel sick. I didn't want her hands on me, I wanted Ellen's. But that didn't happen very often. The first couple days Ellen would find a secluded spot and push me up against the wall roughly and have her way with me in an angry and primitive way, but now, I was lucky if I got a quick peck and grope.

Today at work while Jess stood close behind me she reminded me that today there was to be new arrivals and that my girlfriend might have a few women tagging along. She offered me a sad smile.

“I just want you to prepare yourself Portia. This isn't the real world. Everything is different in here. You can't be soft and you can't care about anyone. That gives you a weak spot. An easily exploited weakness.” She said and cupped my cheek and pulled away angrily and folded clothes as fast as I possibly could. “You are a weakness Portia. An easy target. You are defenseless and the quickest way to bring down one of the baddest girls in here.” She said taking a sheet from my hands. “She needs to bring people in to do her dirty work.” She finished with a shrug.

“Shut the fuck up.” I growled. Turning quickly as the buzzer sounded signalling lunch time. I walked into the cafeteria hurriedly, feeling Jess' presence behind me. I stopped once I got through the doors and glanced around looking for Ellen. The room seemed to quiet and I could feel eyes on me and soon I knew why. I spotted Ellen sitting on a chair leaning close to the girl sitting next to her, a sly grin on her face as she looked over her body in an obvious way. The girl blushed from the attention of Ellen's eyes. I could feel the anger starting to boil in my veins.

“I told you sweetheart. It's a different life in here.” Jess said lightly, reaching for my hand. I ripped it away from her and stomped to Ellen's table. Ellen's eyes shot up to me as I got close. I was a weakness. I was defenseless and that's what everyone saw in me. As I got close enough, I grabbed the girls hair and drug her off the chair. I landed my fist hard into the side of her face to a chorus of “Ohhhh!!!” Ellen quickly stood as I landed a second hard punch. I was surprised myself to see the blood begin trickling from her mouth.

“Portia! Stop!” Ellen shouted, struggling with me to pull me off the girl.

“Fuck you Degeneres!” I shouted slapping her hard. Ellen looked over my shoulder and raised her finger in warning to someone behind me.

“Don't touch her.” She warned. I wanted to turn and look but my rage stuck with Ellen right now. I could feel the burning in my chest and face which probably meant they were red. With my fist balled at my sides Ellen looked at me sadly. “Do you really want to hit me right now?” She whispered. Her eyes took me off guard, I hadn't seen her without the fire in them for what seemed like an eternity, but right now, they were soft with that look she reserved for me.

“Don't act innocent” I whispered, trying to recall my anger.

“I wasn't.” She responded taking a step towards me. “Hit me if it will make you feel better.” She said raising her shoulders in a shrug, as if she didn't care about the pain she caused me at all. This was all I needed for that rage to boil in my blood again. Everyone had surrounded us watching us intently. I stepped forward and slapped her across the face again. I raised my hand one more time but Ellen caught my wrist easily pushing me back and taking out my knees so I landed flat on my back on the table with Ellen's body pressing on top of mine. The hoots and hollers echoed across the room. I wondered quickly where the guards were right now. Ellen's lips crashed on mine and I struggled against her tight grip. “I love you okay? But this isn't-”

“The real world I know. Fuck you Ellen. How would you feel if I was all over Jessica huh?” I shot at her and her grip tightened against my wrist that she had pinned over my head, I could feel the bruise forming already.

“Do you want to be?” She asked tilting her head.

“No, I don't. I want to call my father and tell him he was right about you.” I shot and Ellen's grip loosened on my arms. The look in her eyes was that of a wounded puppy.

“Don't say that.” She whispered. I pushed up on her shoulders and she stood looking for any sign of regret in my eyes but I refused to show her any.

“Be careful Degeneres. You wouldn't to show anyone you actually have a weak side.” I said trying to hide the pain from my voice as I walked around her and pushed my way through the crowd. I heard Jessica call after me but I ignored her, once I was clear of Ellen's vision I ran until I was almost out in the yard and I couldn't hold it in any more. I slid down the wall and let the tears take over my body. I sobbed into my hands and choked on the air that was trying desperately to get to my lungs. I was suddenly exhausted. My anger being replaced with the sting of betrayal. I felt unfamiliar arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me tightly against the person.

“I tried to warn you” Jessica whispered softly. I wanted to pull away from her but I was to weak to fight anything at this point. I was just a mess of tears and loud obnoxious sobs. She rubbed my back softly. “I got you pretty girl. I'll keep you safe, don't worry.” She said. I could hear the possessive tone in her voice, as if she now owned me. I knew I should run from her too, but at that moment, it felt nice to be touched, It felt nice to be wanted. And I couldn't escape her even if I had tried.

Jessica helped me avoid Ellen for the rest of the day and I was thankful for that. I didn't think I could handle anymore confrontation. I couldn't stop breaking into tears. Jess would rub my back slowly and at times I would feel guilty. I was letting the enemy, the one who helped Vance with drugs, comfort me. All I had to do to get rid of those feelings was remind myself that Ellen probably had her hands all over a new inmate right now.

I sighed as I rolled over in my bunk. It was late and looked like I was headed for another long night of no sleep. Until I felt pressure on my bed and the feeling of someone lifting themselves up onto my bunk. I rolled over to try to peer through the darkness to see who it was although I had a good feeling I knew.

“You need help sleeping rich girl?” Jessica whispered.

“I really wish everyone would stop calling me that. Obviously I'm not rich anymore.” I whispered and Jess chuckled. She put her hand on my stomach and began rubbing small circles around my belly button.

“I guess that's true.” She purred in my ear. I cringed at the affection. My body and soul were at war with eachother. My body was screaming it's approval. I had just learned the miricle of sex and I wasn't ready to go back to my celebate lifestyle, and Ellen hadn't touched me in so long. Although she didn't have a problem eying new girl like a piece of meat. But then my heart was cringing at the hands that weren't Ellen's. My heart was still hers, despite my anger. I needed to break that and briefly I wondered if letting Jess take me would begin that. Her lips touched mine softly and I waited for the electric shock to run through my veins as our tounges fought, but it never did. She just wasn't Ellen. Ellen's kiss was perfect and hers was sloppy and greedy. I turned my head from her, breaking the kiss.

“Jess... I'm sorry but Ellen and I...I don't think.... It was just today Jess.” I whispered. Jess groaned lightly and laid back on my bed.

“I know but fuck girl you're so damn sexy.” Jess growled.

“I'm just not ready.” I responded.

“It's not about being ready in here. You need to stop treating this place like it will give you respect just because of where you come from. You earn respect in here.” Jess said.

“And sleeping with you will earn me respect?” I asked.

“Sleeping with me will get you protection, since you attacked your girlfriend for eying another girl, you threw away what protection you had. Respect will be gained by not being a little pussy about everything and not hiding behind others. I say by the way you knocked that girl around today, you are on your way. This place will break you soon enough.” Jess said letting her finger stroke the length of my arm. “But I'll tell you what. I like you. So turn around.” She said. I hesitated afraid of leaving my back to her, but slowly I did. Her arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me close to her and securing me in her grasp. I relaxed at the feeling of just being held. “I know the first time here is hard so, for tonight this is all we'll do. But tell anyone that I was soft with you, you're on your own out there got it?” She asked and I smiled to myself.

“Yes Ma'am” I chuckled.

*

I awoke to the shrill bell that signalled it was time to get out of bed. Jessica's arms relaxed from around my waist and we quickly jumped down from my bunk. I caught Cheryl's questioning eyes and quickly looked away. I would probably have to face Ellen today and I had to use whatever I had left inside to deal with that.

I was the last one into the cafeteria it seemed. I kept my head high but was careful not to look at anyone, I just kept my eyes focused ahead. Once I finished getting my breakfast I turned and let my eyes scan over the crowd. I only paused and gulped back air briefly as Ellen's blue eyes met mine. She was staring and the empty seat on one side of her indicated her plan of talking to me. I tilted my head up slightly as I finally found Jess and walked confidently past Ellen's table and sat next to her. She grinned at me as she stabbed a piece of her scrambled egg. I got to eat half my breakfast before any drama happened.

“What are you trying to pull? Are you trying to punish me? I get it okay? I love you, only you. But incase you haven't realized the more people you have around you in here the better off you are.” Ellen's angry whisper flooded my ear, her warm breath on my ear sending chills through my whole body.

“So do what you have to Degeneres. You don't have to worry about me anymore.” I said stabbing another egg and putting it in my mouth, keeping my eyes straight ahead, praying to god all my emotions didn't show.

“So that's it your done with me?” She asked.

“Yes, I'm done. I didn't care giving up money, I didn't care leaving my family to be with you, I didn't care giving up my freedom to stay close to you. But I do care about being the only one. You made it clear you can't do that. So fine, you don't have to, but that also means you don't get me. Is that why you freaked out so much when I threw myself in there. What did you expect to happen? I would wait faithfully at home for your return while you banged every needy slut in here so they would a little bit safer? Keep all these whores a secret and act as if you missed me as much as I missed you?” I asked, my anger rising with every word until I stood and turned so that Ellen and I stood face to face. My shoulderes squared and breathing ragged and I'm sure a similar dangerous look on my face. I knew I wasn't nearly as good at it as Ellen but it was a start. Her eyes looked me over a few times, the fire in them slowly dying with each passing second as if I were watching the realization hit her.

“What do you want me to do?” She finally whispered, looking genuinely confused.

“To walk away.” I whispered back. My rage was falling rapidly again, she looked wounded and I wanted to reach for her.

“I can't do that.” She said lightly.

“Jesus Christ, Degeneres, the girl said get lost.” Jess shouted now standing. The fire quickly returned to Ellen's eyes as she turned to her, trying to wedge herself between Jess and I. “Oh don't bother she's mine now Degeneres.” Jess laughed and Ellen growled.

“Stop it, I'm not some fucking toy you guys are fighting over.” I shouted. “I don't belong to anyone.”

“Sweetheart in here when you spend the night with someone else in your bed, you belong to them.” Cheryl said lightly and Ellen spun around quickly. The wounded look before had nothing on the look she wore now as she searched for any hint on my face that it wasn't true. I could see her battling her emotions as she didn't find it.

“Hurts doesn't it?” I asked and immediately regretted it. From the look that crossed Ellen's face. I had broken her in that moment. She looked to the floor, she oozed weakness. She nodded slightly and began to back away and my heart beat painfully in my chest. I could tell from her movements she wouldn't try again. I had broken her heart, maybe as much as she had broken mine.

“Hey Degeneres, it seems I can take anything from you. Your girlfriend, Vance.” Jess said with a cocky smile. The room went silent and my mouth fell open at the words. I looked to Ellen quickly as recognition flashed in her eyes. She gulped a few times as if there was something lodged in her throat she was trying to swallow. My inner self screamed for Ellen to react, so I would know the tiger was still in her. But she just slowly looked at me and quickly her eyes fell to the ground before looking back up at Jess and with a small shrug,

“I guess you can” She said lightly and turned away. I watched her walk away. I could feel my heart bleeding for her pain. I turned around on Jess who had a cocky smile. Everyone was still deathly quiet as Ellen left the cafeteria as if mourning a fallen soldier. I took an easy step towards Jess who opened her arms obviously waiting for me to fall into her, but instead I slapped her hard.

“How dare you! First off, I can handle Ellen on my own, I don't need your help. Secondly, Who are you to bring up her brother, you fucking asshole. Oh!” I said as if I just realized everyone was still listening. “By the way, I didn't fuck her, She just held me because I had trouble sleeping, and what did you say to me? Right you understood how hard it was being here for the first time.” I shouted rounding back on her, our faces extremely close and my breath was hard from my anger. She smiled a slow cocky smile.

“Oh rich girl, you better hope daddy comes to bail you out today, cause if not your dead.” Jessica's voice was deadly and for some reason I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

“I don't give a fuck anymore” I responded in the same deadly tone before walking past her and out the way Ellen went. I was frantic as soon as I left those doors. I needed to find Ellen, I needed to make sure she was going to be okay. I pushed open the doors to the yard violently and froze as the sun burned my eyes but I could see Ellen, in the middle of the grass lying flat, her face in her arms as her shoulders shook. I could hear her sobs from here and it was the most heart breaking thing I had ever seen. She had been so strong for me before, who would I be if I didn't take probably my only opritunity to return the favour. I rushed over to her and fell down beside her. It was strange that we were completely alone for this. I touched her back lightly. Her sea blue eyes peeked up from her arms to see me beside her, I felt the jab of pain inside from how read and watery they were.

“She slept in my bed, she held me because I couldn't sleep. I let her kiss me hoping it would be easier to get over you if I did. Thats all that happened. I'm so sorry for what she said about Van-”

“Don't say his name.” Ellen pushed herself up until she was on her knees and aggressively wiped at her face with her arms. “You kissed, thats great. What else do you want to throw at me? Because in case you haven't noticed, you won okay, you hurt me.” Ellen said.

“I know and I feel terrible about it. I can't handle seeing you with anyone like that just as much as you can't handle the same with me. I get this isn't home. I really do, but I still want you to only be with me. I don't want to have to watch you all over other girls, I don't want to live with that pain. Ellen god damn it I love you more than what is sensable. I share you.” I ranted and reached out for her. She reluctantly took my hand and looked sadly at me. “And I miss your attention. When you cut me out like that, it hurts too.” I whispered.

“You need my attention?” She whispered looking at the ground.

“Yes, please remind me what a real kiss feels like” I whispered. Ellen looked up at me questioningly as I scooted closer to her. “Please kiss me Ellen.” I continued and Ellen slowly brought her lips to mine. Her kiss was so soft and timid. But I didn't care, the sparks were back in my blood and my arms were wrapped tightly around her, I could taste her, I could smell her and as long as Ellen was surrounding me, I didn't care about whatever else faced me.

Soon Ellen clung to me desperately and she was deepening our kiss. Surprisingly it was easy for me to push Ellen down onto her back, my body resting perfectly ontop of hers as our kiss became more desperate and needy. Her nails dug into my shoulders and my hips moved against hers. I didn't care that anyone could see us, that there were probably horny gaurds watching us on the security camera's. I needed her to know that beyond the words and the physical pain that my heart stayed loyal to her.

“Why her? You share a cell with her. I can't protect you in there.” Ellen said as she broke the kiss looking worriedly up at me.

“You can't always protect me Ellen. There's always going to be some battles I have to fight on my own. And you're going to have to let me.” I whispered against her lips.

“Is it wrong that I want to protect you?” She whispered.

“No, it's endearing. But what I'm saying is you have to realize you can't face everything for me.” I whispered. She sighed sadly.

“I want to.” She responded. I grinned and kissed her lightly.

“I know baby... I know.

*

The gaurds were escourting me down a hallway and I was terrified. They had only called my name and had me follow them. They took me to a room and handed me my street clothes. I paniced. No! I couldn't leave Ellen here alone. But what could I do? Why had my father come to bail me out? Could he not stand having the shame of having a daughter in prison? I quickly changed. Maybe I could get Ellen out if I just gained back his trust. But would she think that I lied to her and ran to my dad? I know they wouldn't let me near a phone. Would she be safe? What if I got to her to late? What if she moved on? I quickly followed the gaurd out and was surprised to see Ellen standing infront of me in her street clothes beside Lynn.

“Sorry it took me so long to get to you guys. It took a little work.” She said with a small grin and I rushed forward and collided into her, wrapping my arms around her so tightly I might have cracked a few ribs.

“Thank you so fucking much.” I whispered.

The ride to Ellen's house was almost dead silent as Lynn didn't want to upset us by asking about jail and Ellen and I were just so absorbed into looking out at the freedom. I was shocked once we arrived at Ellen's house. There was a section of the house that appeared had been torn down and was now being rebulit and I looked at Lynn curiously.

“Oh while you two took your little vacation-” Ellen snorted at this and Lynn looked back at her and grinned. “Everyone here has been hard at work. Things are pretty different from how you left them. Your little Bonnie and Clyde act sparked quite a revolt.” Lynn explained getting out of the car. Ellen and I slowly exited. I could recognize a few of Ellen's old gang member's working on the outside of the house and I stood watching until I felt Ellen slid up close behind me.

“Everything is changing so fast I don't know how to handle it. This time yesterday you had left me and another girl was all over you, now we're out of jail at a house I barely recognize.” Ellen whispered as she hugged me close to her. I rested my hands over hers that were locked on my stomach.

“Well I told you things would change here.” I whispered back. I took a deep breath and pryed Ellen's fingers apart so I could take her hand and lead her inside. I smiled at Mama who rushed over to hug us.

“Oh my girls. I'm so happy you two are okay.” She gushed as she looked us over to make sure what she was saying was true. Suddenly my feet were off the ground as I was easily lifted from behind. I was thrown easily over a shoulder as my capturer ran around the room excidely. I knew who it was before I even looked. My brother used to do this to me all the time when we were young.

“I always knew you would one day break your perfect mom and dad act, but I never thought you would get yourself arrested.” Mike joked as he put me back on the ground. I smiled as I punched his arm in mock defense. “Ohhh, look at the muscles you got on the inside.” He teased squeezing my scrawny arms.

“Screw you” I laughed. I noticed Ellen standing awkwardly beside her mother looking around as if she was completely lost. I hugged my brother quickly before walking to Ellen and hugging her tightly.

“Are you okay?” I whispered. She snuggled into the crook of my neck.

“My head is spinning. Everything.. It's just so fast.” She whispered.

“Just go with it baby, don't focus on it to much. I just keep focusing on the fact that tonight I get to sleep in your arms again.” I responded and I felt her smile against my skin. I pulled back enough to kiss her lightly.

“Why don't we all sit down and catch you two up on what you missed.” Lynn said patting the couch. We all piled in, Mama on the end, Lynn beside her, my brother on the arm on the other side of mama, then Ellen beside Lynn with me on her lap. Ellen's hands slowly rubbed my back as she listened intently to what everyone had to say.

“So when word got to Mike that you two got put in the joint, he came the next day to talk to me, assuming that I knew about you two. He said we should go together to go check on Ms. Degeneres, so we did and Chris was here. We expected a fight but none came as Betty made us all some coffee. We all talked about you two and not long after we were making plans on how to get you out. But naturally once we started talking about the social injustices we began making hypothetical scenarios that well slowly turned into reality. Mike let slip a plan he had in the making, and it really opens up some doors, I'll let Mike tell you about that in a second. So everyone agreed to keep it hush that Mike was here. Even my parents, who took on a role of taking your parents out of the house to make things easier for us.” Lynn explained and looked at Mike.

“I'm sure you had expected I only came down for a visit but thats wrong. I told you I knew Vance-” Both Ellen and Betty inhaled at the mention of his name. “I was young and very much like you Porshe, I hated the difference. I didn't have the means to help or much less the balls. I knew that the best chance I had to help was stay on the other side and get my education. But I never forgot about it, because really it would be easy to when you're surrounded by money. I kept all the little letters Vance wrote to me, about the books I lent him and a brief update on his life as a reminder. We were never close but I knew him. And it hurt that I couldn't do anything. So I got my education. I came back and played the perfectly well educated son that dad could be proud of, and it all worked out better than I planned. Because of my lovely sisters fall from grace, Mom and Dad spoke me up better than even I could have hoped. Which made it even easier to steal my fathers contacts. The plan is still secret of course, but I will be teaming up with the same people who made Dad's hotel chain what it is and pretty much taking over. But the difference is, I won't be discriminating. I will be employing people who are from this side, because they need the money more than our side does, and unlike Dad, I won't be keeping all the money to myself, I will pay all my workers more than a fair wage. The even better part of all this is that once we show them how well we can work together, we can end this old feud. We are fighting our fathers and grandfathers wars with eachother. We can make this the generation that makes it stop. Finally we can stop the 'them and us' mentality, and we can all just be people. El, Porshe, you guys have already started that. Portia, I know how we were raised, and the one mistake mom and dad made is they made us efficent. Pumping us with the best education, setting us up with the best resources. They set us up to be them without ever considering that maybe we would go another way. You grew up around the hotel business as much as I did, you know it as well as I do. I'm asking you to go fifty-fifty on this with me.” Mike said and I sucked in a deep breath. I was only 18 and being offered a chance of being a co-CEO. It was a huge responsibility but Mike's passionate speech had struck home with me.

“I'm in.” I said easily with a shrug and Mike grinned at me.

“Great. It's time for the world to change.” Mike said coming over to ruffle up my hair.

*

The night was filled with catching up and joking around. I didn't have a second alone with Ellen. Not that I minded to much. It was nice to go out with a group of people to the park and run around with our freedom. It was nice to catch up and hug all the people I missed and loved while I was away and I was starting to create friendships with Ellen's friends too which I could tell -though she would never admit it- that it ment a lot to her.

But I was happy when we finally fell on her old squeeky bed together, our bodies wrapped around eachother in a desprate embrace. I hadn't made love to her in a while and I craved her touch. No worrying of being interupted, no quick fixes, just us, completely together and in love. Ellen rolled us around until she was on top of me and my hands rested on her strong arms. Her eyes stared completely ungaurded into mine. I smiled lightly as I reached up to kiss her.

“I'm in love with you Degeneres.” I said lightly. She smiled brodly as she crashed down on me and kissed me hard, our tongues battling and my hands finding their way to tangle in her hair.

“I'm in love with you too” She whispered against my lips. I bit her lip lightly, before kissing her softly. Soon we were helping eachother out of our clothes. Everytime I saw Ellen naked it struck me how handsome and perfect my girlfriend was. She grinned as she watched me look over her perfect body.

“You going to come over here and kiss me?” She joked and I looked up and grinned at her. I slowly made my way to her and kissed her lightly, but she very quickly deepened the kiss. Her hands travelled all over my body and I had forgotten how great her touch was.

“I hope you weren't planning on sleeping tonight.. We have a lot of catching up to do” She whispered into my ear before kissing lightly under it. I shivered at her words, but I knew one more night without sleep couldn't hurt.

*

I woke up only a few short hours after Ellen and I got to sleep by the sound of knocking on the door. It was Mama letting us know breakfast was ready. Ellen grunted and pulled me closer to her and I smiled, both at her action and the pleasant ache in my body from last nights love making.

“El?” I whispered lightly.

“Ten more minutes.” She said, her voice groggy. I chuckled as I struggled to turn around in her arms.Once I was facing her she slowly opened one tired eye to look back at me.

“I would love to spend all day sleeping in your arms. But we got things to get done.” I whispered kissing her nose. She groaned and burried her head under the pillows. I sighed and kissed her shoulder.

“I'm sorry babe” I said sweetly.

“For what?” Her voice was muffled from the pillows.

“This.” I said simply before pushing her with all my strength until I heard the thump of her hitting the floor.

“Portia!” Ellen growled from the floor before reaching up and pulling me down ontop of her. Soon we were play fighting on the floor and laughing hysterically. Ellen had successfully pinned me to the ground now, both my hands pinned under her one strong hand. Now her free hand was travelling down my exposed body. Down my shoulder, between my breast, so slowly down my stomach to my hip where it rested. I closed my eyes and tried to even out my breathing from this exquisit torture, her lips and teeth were working at my neck now and I moaned low in my throat from the feelings she was giving me. Finally her hands made their way between my thighs to where I needed her most and all the air left my body.

“Hey El, Porshe you two coming down to eat?” My brother called through the door. Ellen's hand ripped away from my body and I groaned at my brothers interuption.

“Yeah... Uh.. Just one second.” Ellen called back, a look of terror on her face. I chuckled.

“Awe, the big bad Ellen Degeneres is afraid of my brother.” I teased and she snorted.

“Doubtful” She responded standing up and I grinned.

“Of course not” I mumbled getting up and getting dressed.

*

Breakfast was filled with loud stories and jokes from everyone that surrounded the table. I caught Mama's eyes across the table and she winked at me before focusing back on who ever was talking, a smile spread on her face. She had her hand placed on Ellen's arm, as if keeping her most prized possestion in her grasp. I smiled thinking of how much Ellen had needed her mom back. I looked to the woman who had stolen my heart as she watched the speaker, but almost as if she sensed my eyes slid to her she looked back to me and smiled. She didn't look away though we just held eachothers gaze. It is uncanny how she can make the rest of the room melt away just by looking at me, but this was one of those moments.

It suddenly didn't matter that I was supposed to have a meeting with some future business partners today, that I had just spent the last month almost in jail, that inside Ellen and I had some trouble, nothing mattered as long as I had those ocean blue eyes looking at me.

“You ready for today Porshe?” My brother asked, interrupting my moment with Ellen. I looked over to him trying to regain my bearings and he smiled as he realized how flustered I was being snapped so quickly back into reality.

“A little nervous, but nothing big. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.” I responded and he smiled.

“Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole time. You're not doing this alone” He said and I smiled and nodded. I knew I would never have to do anything alone again. I knew that no matter what I wanted, no matter how crazy it could be. Ellen would stand by my side, strong as she always was.

The business meetings had been much easier than I thought they would be. The beginning I always felt a little nervous, but that quickly faded. I seemed to be a natural and I suppose I had to thank my parents for that. These meetings were nothing new to me. I had seen them time and time again. I had silently observed from the side lines and now I got the chance to do it the way I thought it should have been done. I also had become pretty good at schmoozing this big shots. My brother called it the closer. He would get me to inflate their egos and then go in for the kill.

The house had come a long way as well. Every morning while Ellen laid in bed grunting at the early hour, I would dress in the clothes my brother had stole back from my parents. Her eyes watching every movement curiously. I would walk over to her when I was all made up and kiss her head, her cheek, her nose than her lips before prying her out of bed and leaving to go to work. Ellen would then get together with everyone and they would work on the house.

Things had been going perfectly. When I got home at night bored with the constant meetings and numbers and proposals flying around my head all day, Ellen would take me in her arms and kiss me lovingly, then we would eat supper and go to her room to relax. She would rub all the tension of the day from my shoulders and kiss my neck lovingly. It felt like paradise.

Today however, we all gathered in the living room. The silence was deafening. We all knew the war was truly about to start, because this was the day my father would find out. Mike sat next to me, his hand holding mine as if willing me his strength. It was unnessicary of course, because sitting on the other side of me, with her arm thrown around my shoulders was Ellen. A fire in her eyes as she hyped herself up for whatever may come. Mama had spent the day nervously baking and offering us cookies and pies to keep our spirits up. Lynn was sitting across from me twisting her hands together nervously. Chris sat next to her watching her hands as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

“I hope you're all ready for this.” Mike said lightly.

“I am.” I said, my voice strong and defiant. Ellen smiled lightly as my shoulders automatically squared. I had gotten quite good at it. She pulled me to her and kissed my cheek. It was hard to keep the anger I would need to face the wrath of my father when she did adorable things like that.

A hard knock landed on the door and everyone jumped to their feet. Ellen took her normal protective stance beside me. Betty opened the door and stepped out of the way while my father stormed into the house.

“Where the hell are my children” He barked at Betty.

“Don't talk to her like that.” My brother said, standing straighter and puffing out his chest. I took a step next to my brother and took a similar stance. My father turned and gave a deadly glare to everyone who stood by us. His eyes landed on Ellen and he gave a sick grin.

“You.” He said taking a step forward. “You, my dear are very clever. Working your way into my daughter's heart. Taking advantage of her need of being loved and starting all this.” His steps toward my girlfriend were slow and calculating, as if he was looking for the easiest route of attack. I slid over easily to stand infront of her.

“Well someone had to love her, it was obviously not coming from you” Ellen responded cleverly, adding a sly wink for emphasis.

“Ah, my dear, it's only a matter of time before she realizes how far your loyalties lie. Shes always has been a smart girl. Your mask will fall.” He growled.

“She does know where my loyalties lie. And now you know where hers lie.” Ellen shot back. Her hand touching my hip as my father crept forward, if she felt she needed to push me out of the way of his attack, she would. I spread my feet to give myself a more stable stance. I wouldn't let him get to her.

“I am a smart girl thanks to those fancy schools you paid so generously for, it's to bad you are to blind by those dollar signs in your eyes though dad. Because if you weren't maybe you would have seen that I was never happy, Maybe you would have seen that Ellen makes me incredibly happy and that I love her. You forced my hand here dad. If you wouldn't have started this war, if you would have just let me be happy, we wouldn't have to end it.” I said and my father snorted at me.

“How could you not be happy? You have never wanted for anything. I get this from you. You were always a spoiled little brat-” Ellen lunged forward but I leaned my body back against her to keep her from charging at him. “But you Mike. What does she have over you?” He asked turning his gaze over to my brother.

“I guess I'm just a sucker for a good romance.” He said with his sly grin.

“This won't last. It will all expload in your face. And Portia, when you find that sorry excuse of a girlfriend in the arms of another woman, because face it, it's only a matter of time, you have lost your option of coming home.” My father spat.

“I am home.” I responded.

“Believe me sir, I couldn't handle another woman, your daughter is enough for me.” Ellen said adding a wink. I felt the blush creep up my neck slowly at Ellen's words, and the way her arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me tightly against her body, but I never ripped my eyes away from my father.

“You are both dead to me.” My father growled.

“Good to know. You can leave now.” My brother said, boldly turning and dismissing my father.

“Degeneres, this isn't over.” He growled pointing at Ellen. I felt her smile stretch against my neck, where she had been nestling small kisses. She turned her feirce eyes towards him and I couldn't help but notice the tiny step back my father took.

“Give me your best shot old man.” Her voice even sent chills down my spine, the confident threat in her voice was strong and for a fleeting moment, I felt fear for my father. He turned on his heel, he noticed the framed picture by the door. He took a step to observe it more closely. The picture was of a younger Ellen, who was squirming against the strong grasp of her brother. His face was lit in a playful smile as he looked up at the camera.

“It's funny how god works isn't it? Taking the scumb off this earth exactly how they deserve.” He said before easily swiping the frame, causing it to fall to the floor and shatter. Ellen's body was suddenly not against mine anymore and I had to act quickly to grab onto her, forcing all my body weight onto her trying to hold her back from him. “Struck a nerve did I?” He taunted.

“Fuck you. You want to fight me come do it then!” Ellen shouted. Her body viberated with anger as she pushed against me, trying desprately to get to my father. Mike came and grasped her shoulders pulling her back.

“El please he wants this.” I pleaded trying to frame her face with my hands. She was fighting my brothers grasp and pulling her face away from my hands. Her eyes a dark storm of threats to my father.

“I'll fucking kill you old man.” Ellen shouted and my father smiled before putting his foot down on the picture and grinding it into the shatter glass and the floor before looking back up to my struggling girlfriend.

“I'm not worried, you proved you aren't very good at finishing the job with Chad.” He shot and with that he walked out of the house, slamming the door. I slowly looked up to Betty, who had a hand over her heart as she stared down at the picture with tears streaming in her eyes. The room was silent except for Ellen's heavy breaths. Mike slowly let go of her shoulders once he was sure my father was long gone. I turned and looked at the fire in Ellen's eyes as she stared at the broken glass on the floor.

“Ellen.” I whispered and reached for her, but she pulled away from my touch.

“Don't fucking touch me.” She growled, walking past me and out the door slamming it behind her. I felt the sting straight through my heart and then it slowly spread through my body. I felt the tears threaten my eyes as I turned to see Betty looking at me sadly.

“Let her go cool off.” Chris said lightly. Mike placed his hand on my shoulder, before going over and picking up the picture, dusting it off from the glass and trying to smooth over the new scratches in the ink.

“It's fine sweetie, we will always have the memories.” Betty said sadly before turning away and walking to her room.

“He's not going to fight fair.” Lynn whispered. “He will use her brother, and he knows she will take out her anger in the wrong way and it will hurt you and possibly end your relationship.” She finished. Mike looked up at me and I turned away. I couldn't handle everyone watching me right now. I walked up to our room and threw myself on the bed and cried into the pillows. I had prepared myself for every possible attack it seemed, expect this one.

*

I had woken up a few hours ago and just kept staring at the ceiling, listening to everyone downstairs talk sadly to eachother. Ellen had just walked in. I heard the door slam behind her and everyone go silent. I took a deep breath and prepared myself. The longer she was gone, the more my sadness turned into anger. I was on her side, I was trying to protect her and she shot me away.

Ellen stumbled into the room and I sat up in the bed. Her eyes were glazed and her face was read, the harsh smell of whiskey filled the room. Her hazy eyes connected with mine.

“Thats how youre going to deal with this? Push me away and run off to go get wasted so you don't have to feel for a while? And leave me to lay here and suffer for you and worry about you. You're just going to go and be the person my father accuses you of being. I thought we were in this together Ellen.” I shouted.

“Together? You let him run his mouth off like some big shot and then protected him. Who's side are you really on.?” Ellen shot back, she was swaying and if I wasn't so angry at her I would be worried about her falling over.

“You're going to play that card? Protecting him? God you are fucking something Degeneres. What do you think he was trying to do? He wanted you to go after him. The more pissed you were the more you would hurt him and the more trouble he could get you in with the cops. How dare you for a second question me. I have been nothing but loyal to you. I never once ran out on you like you did to me today.” I shouted, standing from the bed and glaring at her.

“I'm sorry De Rossi, am I not the perfect girl you thought I was?” Ellen shot. It struck me hard in the chest.

“I can't do this with you right now. I'm leaving with Lynn, you can get a hold of me when you decide to stop being an idiot.” I shot walking by her. She reached for my arm and fell in the process. Her eyes looked up at me stuck between fear and anger. I shook my head at how heartbreaking it was so see her like this. “Look at you Ellen. You are absolutely pathetic right now.” I said. I regretted it when I saw the flash of pain in her eyes. I walked to help her stand but she cringed away from me again.

“Than leave. You don't need to stay.” She said, struggling to regain her balance.

“Are we really going to let him do this to us?” I whispered.

“Is it really him?” She asked looking up at me. “Or have you just never had the balls to admit how pathetic you think I am?” She questioned.

“oh come on, you think I would have put myself through all this hell if I truly thought that?” I countered.

“I'm sorry you wasted your time.” She quickly responded, looking away.

“No, I will not accept that. You are not running scared from me now. Not after all the bullshit we have been through, This is going to hurt Ellen and I'm sorry, but Vance is dead, He gave up and now he is dead and I truly am sorry, but it's time to let it go. You can't be self destructive every time someone uses it against you. You need to let him go. You can not hide behind his death forever.” I said, before walking to her and ignored her struggling to get away from my touch, I pulled her up and led her to the bed. Once I lied her down I looked and her ocean blue eyes swam with tears.

“He left me, he promised he would never leave me like dad did.” Her voice was so weak and vulnerable that all my anger for her seeped away.

“I'm sorry darling. I know it hurts. I know, but Vance wouldn't want to see his baby sister, that he loved so very much, like this. I'm not going to leave you Ellen, so please don't push me away. I'm right here, I will always be right here.” I cried, my heart breaking for her. I crashed down on her and held her tightly as she let her tears take over. I held her while she cried for a while and when she sobs finally because to slow down I slowly sat up and kissed both her eyes. She looked up at me and she was still so vulnerable.

“Please don't go to Lynn's tonight. I'm sorry I was so mean to you.” She whispered. I nodded slowly and laid down next to her, snuggling up close.

“I'll stay right here tonight and every night after.” I whispered pulling her close and kissing her shoulder lightly.

I woke up to complete silence. It seemed like forever since it was actually silent in this house. Not a single sound. The sun was shining in the room through the window and I could feel Ellen's body against mine, setting my skin on fire with the heat from her body. I smiled as she snuggled closer to me in her sleep. I stared out at the bright sun, estimating that it was probably around eight in the morning. This was peaceful and perfect. I never wanted this moment to end, but of course very quickly it did.

It started with a loud gagging noise from Ellen before she sat up quickly. Luckily I had the common sense last night to place a bucket beside the bed. She practically fell off the bed into the bucket head first when the first shots of vomit rushed up. I turned slowly and the putrid smell of vomit and whiskey filled my nose. So much for my perfect moment. I gently rubbed Ellen's back as she gasped for air between retched heaves. Ellen's whole back would tense up while she sprung forward, then relaxed as she desprately sucked air back into her lungs.I slowly pulled myself closer to her sweating body and left light kisses along her spine.

“I'm going to go get you something to drink darling.” I whispered, wiping a stay strand of hair away from her forhead and kissing her there. Her eyes flashed to me quickly before closing tightly with the pain of another huge heave.

I wrapped myself in one of Ellen's leather jackets and slipped into a pair of her boxers before running downstairs to grab a glass of water. I ran into Betty sitting in the kitchen. She grinned up at me as I passed her with the water.

“Having a fun morning?” She asked. I only looked back long enough to grin at her than ran back up the stairs. Ellen was leaning back against the pillows. She appeared to silently be crying. I handed her the glass and she quickly rinsed her mouth and spat it into the bucket.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” I asked holding her sweaty body against me.

“I feel so terrible. It feels like I'm dying.” She whimpered. I chuckled lightly.

“Well darling, you got really drunk last night. You're burning up, why don't we get you into a cool bath, maybe that will cool you down a bit.” I suggested and she nodded slightly then groaned at how sick it made her feel. I got back up and started filling the tub with not cold, but not hot water either. Then once it was filled enough I went and got Ellen. After helping her into the bath, and her complaints that the water was freezing, I got her to settle down into the water. I held her hand and stared lovingly at her as she battled the pain in her body from the hangover.

“I'm never drinking again” She grumbled.

“How many times have you said that line?” I asked with a smile. She grinned lightly at me, and it was a releif to see her happy, even if it was only for a moment. I rubbed my thumb lightly over the back of her hand and watched her face relax in the cool water.

“is this helping at all?” I whispered. She smiled lightly as she reached for my face, her palm cupping my cheek and I nuzzled into her hand.

“Yes, thank you babe” She whispered back. I took her hand and brought it to my lips.

“I love you more than anything El.” I whispered. I watched her face stretch into a full fledged smile, as she looked over at me, for a second she didn't look the slightest bit sick. Her ocean blue eyes filled with love, her face glowing with her bright smile and her hand squeezing mine. How could I not love this woman.

“Don't you have meetings today with your brother?” She asked, suddenly realizing that we didn't have the benefit of time anymore.

“I'll call him and tell him I can't make it he can do it on his own.” I shrugged. Ellen shook her head then winced at the pain that shot through it.

“No babe, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Go to work.” Ellen said.

“I can't anyways, I can't get ready with my girlfriend hogging the bath.” I teased.

“Oh.. Right.” She said as she looked thoughtful. I smiled and kissed her hand as I watched the wheels turn in her head. I chuckled and leaned up to kiss her head, the next thing I knew I was surrounded by freezing water and my girlfriends strong arms.

“Jesus!” I shouted at the sudden shock of cold water.

“I told you it's cold!” She responded. I laughed lightly and pushed up to kiss her softly. “Problem solved?” She asked.

“I guess so.” I sighed.

*

I adjusted my suit collar as I sat next to my brother after shaking everyone's hands in parting. He smiled lightly.

“I don't think those men are used to seeing a woman in a suit, I thought I was going to have to start fighting them off you.” He teased and I grinned at him.

“I think all I would have to do is go back home and tell my hung over girlfriend.” I answered. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me seriously.

“How are things with you and Ellen? You guys seemed a little rough last night.” He said. I sighed as I thought back to the night before.

“Yeah, It was rough. But the thing is, I love her so much, and she loves me too. She never dealt with Vance I think, she just ran from it for a long time and I'm not sure she knows how to grieve. She's never let anyone in Mike and she's trying with me, but I think it terrifies her more than anything. I will fight every single battle raging within her by her side, but I don't think she believes that yet.” I said and he pulled me to his chest.

“Man Porshe. I'm so glad you weren't the clone of mom and dad that I thought you were going to be.” Mike whispered. I playfully hit his chest.

“Well now you're just being insulting.”

*

I kissed my brothers cheek and explained that I was leaving early to check up on Ellen. He simply waved me off as he focused on his paper work. I couldn't help this overwhelming feeling of happiness swelling in my chest. Everything was working. People were banning together, my father's company was no longer a huge issue and the woman of my dreams was waiting for me in her- sorry, our- bed.

I rounded the corner to the exit and stopped dead, my father was standing there, dressed in his normal suit, puffing on one of his cigars. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders before pushing forward. Once he noticed me, he stood taller and looked down on me.

“What are you doing here?” I questioned.

“Trying to talk sense into my only daughter. Tell me Portia, are you trying to punish me for something? This whole sleeping with the other side, taking over my business... Did I do something wrong?” He asked.

“Daddy, my love for Ellen has nothing to do with you, and taking over your business... Well that just has to do with the fact that you are so close minded and no one can talk a shred of sense into you.” I shot back. He looked sad for a moment.

“My little girl, the image of business. Your mother never wanted that for you, she always wanted you to be the sweet little house wife. But I saw that same fire in your eyes that I had, I knew it was in your blood. I just never expected you to be the enemy.” He said.

“I don't have to be daddy.” I whispered. My shoulders slumping as my desprate need for my fathers approval returned.

“You have left me no other choice. Portia, you can stop all this. Drop the leach, if it's business you want, you can work for mine. If you don't want to be with Chad, then don't. We'll find you another man-”

“God! You really haven't been listening. I don't want another man! Or another woman for that matter, I found who I'm in love with. I don't care about your stupid business! It has nothing to do with it! It's the fact that you refuse to see how much I love her!” I shouted. My fathers hand darted out and closed around my arm painfully. He shook me roughly.

“You will not embarrass our family name with our sickness do you hear me? I will ruin you and I will ruin her. You think that comment about her drug addicted brother was anything? You think she is so strong but I will have her in pieces before you even notice I was anywhere near her.” My father threatened.

“Get your fucking hands off me!” I shouted. My father's free hand landed across my face and I gasped at the pounding it left behind. I looked up and saw the sick grin on his face.

“We'll start with that-” He pointed to my cheek. “We both know how hot tempered she can be.” He finished, before pushing me back against the wall and turning to walk away. I slowly slid against the wall until I was sitting on the floor crying.

He was right, I knew Ellen would go crazy the second she saw the bright red hand print I could feel forming on my face. There was the tiger in Ellen that no one could control and no matter how hard I tried, her protective instinct would kick into overdrive. I wouldn't be able to talk any sense into her, she would go off on her wild streak. I had just lost my own war, simply by letting my gaurd down. I would lose her and by losing her, I would lose everything.

I debated my options. I could go to Lynn's for a few days until the bruise faded, but that would impact Ellen's trust in me when I say I would never leave her, I could lie and tell her someone else did it, but she would only go after that person. I could just face her and beg her to stay with me. Maybe if I played on her softness for me, I could keep her safe by my side.

With new resolve, I shot up from the ground and wiped at my tears furiously. I would not let him win. I would not let him take Ellen from me.

*

“Who did that?” Ellen shouted then clutched her stomach as the sudden out rage made it churn.

“Relax baby, It's fine, it's being delt with.” I said lightly as I rushed over to her, I gathered her in my arms, securing my grip because I knew she wouldn't just leave it at that.

“Who?” She asked much calmer now, wrapping her own arms protectively around me.

“My father.” I whispered.

“Your father?” Her voice was a shout again and I could feel her struggling to get up, despite how sick it probably made her feel.

“Ellen please, you're sick and I.. I need you to hold me right now.” I said, forcing the tears back to my eyes. It felt horrible, because part of me felt like I was lying to her, but I was truly afraid of the reprocussions of not.

“Hey, hey. Don't cry baby, I'm right here.” She said, her voice soft as she fell back down and clutched me close to her, as if the tighter against her I was. The more unlikely it was that anything would get me. It felt like that for me too. I snuggled into her chest and breathed in the scent that always relaxed every muscle in me. Her hand slowly ran up and down my back as she whispered in my ear how much she loved me.

“Porshe, you are my everything. You are my reason for waking up every day and without you I'm nothing. You are my redemption. You are everything that is still good in me. You are the reason I remembered how to smile and the reason my heart beats again. Because of you I'm no longer lost, I found my home in your arms. I know its cliche and lame, but damn it baby I love you. I love you with every fiber in me. I want to protect you from the whole world, and times like this, when you come home and I have failed-”

“El...”

“Let me finish, when I have failed, it hurts more than anything in the entire universe. It hurts more than what your dad said about my brother, it hurts more than any hit I ever took. Because to me, I exist only to protect you, and I never want you to feel any kind of pain. Maybe I can't take on the world. But I will damn well try.” Ellen said, topping it off with a kiss to my head.

“You're right, you can't take on the world. My father did this only to get a reaction out of you. Because where your weakness is your need to protect me, mine is losing you. And this is he sure fire way of drawing you out. I need you here with me El. I can't have you behind bars. Even if I did something to follow you there, I couldn't live with the jail politics. Seeing you just looking at that other girl killed me Ellen. That was a pain I had never known existed before. And who you became in there. I could deal with that darling.” I whispered. Ellen easily flipped us over and kissed me hard.

“I'm sorry” She whispered before kissing me hard again. “I'm so fucking sorry.”

I placed a hand on her cheek. As I looked into her heartbroken eyes as she felt the full impact of what it had done to me. I kissed her lightly.

“I know baby.” I whispered. She laid herself down on me and I ran my fingers through her hair as she cried lightly into my chest. Her feelings of guilt to much for her to bear at that moment, as she fought her every instict, which was to go confront my father.

“I love you El. I truly do.” I whispered.

Ellen's POV

Portia left for work and I had quickly left before anyone had a chance to ask me any questions. I lit a cigarette as I walked down the road towards the same building that all this mess had truly began. I was angry. How could he hit her? Even with everything going on. That was his fucking daughter, someone he should protect, not hurt. I promised her I wouldn't leave her. But how could I let him get away with that?

I took a long drag from my cigarette as I stared up to the sky, where this building reached for the heavens. I felt eerily calm. Normally before any kind of confrontation I could feel the fire in me, the rage that always threatened to take control of my every instinct but in this moment... Nothing. I knew I needed at least a little bit of rage to push in there, surely he would have set up people to stop me. I knew the second I saw him, he would sport that smug smile and all my anger would come back.

I took the last drag of my cigarette and flicked it away. Show time. I swung open the door and the reseptionist looked up briefly then back down to his papers as if someone with a leather jacket and greased back hair walked in here all the time. She was right, he wanted this, he wanted me to run into his office and beat the living shit out of him.

I began stomping through the halls until I stood outside his open door. The man down stairs must have called to warn him I was on my way.

“Are you coming in Degeneres, or are you having second thoughts?” I heard his voice before he came into view. I quickly crossed the threashold of his office then slammed the door shut behind me. He grinned.

“My my, you do have a temper problem. What can I do for you? Well who am I kidding, we both know why you are here, I was begining to worry you wouldn't show up.” He said with a chuckle.

“I'm afraid you have the wrong idea. I'm not here to hurt you, not physically anyways.” I said and his eye brow slowly raised up his forhead in confusion.

“Oh?” He asked.

“I'm here to tell you that you are not going to win. You have only dug yourself deeper. You talk about me being scumb, me being bad for your daughter when you hit her? To get to me? Are you that afraid of me you couldn't come to me yourself? You had to pull it out on your own flesh and blood? Guess what, I'm not going to hurt you and give you a reason to send me to jail away from her. The game is done because I'm going to marry that girl and we are going to be so damn happy and maybe we'll even adopt a couple of kids or something. And you will never get to see them, you will never hold a place in her life again. And your precious business that you always cared more than your own daughter about? We will take that from you too. Then you will have all the time in the damn world to think about the damage you caused, while Portia sleeps with no problems in my arms every single night.” I spat. I saw his nostrils flare and his face turn red. I couldn't help the grin.

“She's to good for you.” He spat.

“Yes, probably, but she chose me. And you will never be able to stop that.” I said winking at him. I barely had time to register before he was on me. His fist came crashing down on the side of my head. It triggered a pounding in my skull and a ringing in my ears. It was a good blow, my vision was blurry and I blinked a few times trying to clear it.

“You are really not going to fight back? God she's made you weak.” He shot. I realized that the rage still wasn't there. Then I smiled. She didn't make me weak, she cured me.

“No.. She made me strong.” I said standing straighter, even if my senses weren't there, I wouldn't let that show.

“I'll kill you Degeneres.” He snarled.

“I'm sure that will make her come running back into your arms.” I shot back. His hands closed over my throat as he pushed me back against the wall. I could feel the pressure on my neck tighening and for a moment I thought he would break my neck, but he suddenly let me fall to the floor and I began gasping for air. His foot came up and hit me in the mouth hard. Everything was hazy now... I wasn't sure if I would hold onto conciousness much longer.

Portia's POV

“Hey mama, can you put Ellen on the phone?” I asked leaning against my brothers desk. We were between meetings and I wanted to check in with El to make sure she was feeling okay.

“She left right after you did dear.” Betty responded. My heart dropped. Fuck..

“Thanks Mama.” I responded and quickly hung up. “I got to go. Ellen went after dad.” I said Mike was quickly on my heels as we raced out. Everything was a blur. I didn't care, I had to get to the office, had to see if she was still there. I was pushing pedestrins out of the way, my heart pounding in my ears. I broke throught the doors and Mike easily passed me in the halls. I was close behind him when he swung open the door.

Dad stepped back and raised his arms in surrender. Mike's eyes fell down then turned to sheild me. I tried to step around him but he wrapped himself around me and began to push me back.

“Mike! Let me see Ellen! Let me get to Ellen!” I called desprately. He took in a deep breath before he stepped aside. I ran into the office. There on the floor was the love of my life groaning and blood leaking from her mouth, her nose and a cut on the side of her head.

“You did this to her. You made her weak. She wouldn't even raise her hand to defend herself.” Dad stated, going to his desk and sitting down, as if we were just another client.

“I will fucking destroy you! Do you hear me?” I screamed at him.

“Port let's get Ellen out of here.” Mike said.

*

I played in Ellen's hair as she slept. Her head was bandaged and her face swelled. Her lip took on a dark purple colour and my heart ached at the pain my father caused her. But I was also proud. It seemed that the woman I love had let go of the rage that normally led her every action and I knew that this was the last desprate attempt my father had.

Ellen had begged us not to go to the cops. She didn't think he deserved what life behind bars was like. His punishment would be the loss of his children and his business and that was enough to ruin a man. I knew that it would at least be enough to ruin my father. I kissed her head lightly, not wanting to cause any pain. I knew everything would be okay deep down inside.

12 years later

I got out of my car and smiled lightly at the scene in front of me. Ellen was in her white muscle shirt and her gym shorts bent over with her head under the hood of an old car. Our son sitting beside her feet playing with his toys and his older sister was on her tip toes looking in with Ellen.

“And what does that do mommy Ellen?” She asked in a sweet voice.

“It's a battery. It's like they batteries we put in your toys. Just bigger so it can run the car” She said as reached over with a greasy hand to pull our little girl closer to her and plant a kiss on her blonde head.

“Mommy Portia!” Devin, our little boy shouted as he saw me and jumped to his feet to race over to me. Brooke looked up from the car and also ran over for a hug. I picked up our son and took our daughter's hand before walking back to my perfect wife and landing a soft kiss on her lips.

“It seems like you guys were working hard today.” I said smiling at El.

“Grandma made cookies today.” Devin told me.

“And mommy Ellen told us we couldn't have any until after supper, but then I saw her eat one!” Brooke shouted.

“She did, did she?” I asked grinning at El. “Well don't you worry, I'll punish her for that later.” I promised.

“Haha! Mommy Ellen's gonna get grounded!” Brooke shouted hiding behind my legs, avoiding Ellen's tickle attack.

“That's okay.” She said as Brooke took off towards the house. Ellen leaned in close to my ear. “I look forward to it” She whispered when I looked into her eyes, I found that look that I loved so much and never failed to make my heart pound dangerously in my chest. Because in those eyes, was the eyes of a tiger.

The End